by Mu Yinggongzi
We often say that we need to have a healthy love. What is a healthy love?
A healthy relationship should gain happiness and strength from love, rather than spending all your strength and happiness on love. Whether we are single or in a relationship, our goal is to make ourselves happier, cheerful and confident, rather than using our own time and energy to change ourselves who cannot even achieve the most basic emotional stability.
On the field of "Talk Show Contest 5", Yang Li said: "I found that many girls are in love. What they pursue now is not happiness, but a kind of excitement. The only purpose of falling in love is to endure hardship."
Yes, I don't know since when, most people use the pain after separation to judge the depth of love, or use the toss in love to prove that they are in love. Dear, no matter what, please remember that it is not love that hurts.
Kundera once said: "Perhaps the reason why we cannot love is that we are eager to be loved, that is, we are always asking for it, so we forget to give and degenerate into excessive demands." When men and women fall in love, if a man always makes such "requests", please keep your eyes open and tell yourself that this relationship will not last long.
1: You are always required to be sensible
There is a sentence in "My Days in the World", "My only dissatisfaction with this world is that this world always makes more sensible people bear more."
People with a good temper have been suffering in silence, people who are considerate are always forgiving, people who can take care of others are never taken care of, and children who don't cry will never have candy. It seems that sensible people always find it difficult to survive, but people will not praise their kindness, but will continue to squeeze their tenderness.
In a relationship between the sexes, men require their partners to be sensible and considerate and mature. What exactly are they asking for? hopes that you are a sensible man. In fact, he is instilling an idea in you: be gentle, be kind, be sensible, don’t weigh the pros and cons, don’t care about gains and losses, be tolerant, be humble, and be more considerate of me.
Did you find the problem? What they need is not to be understood, but to "think about me, at the expense of your own interests" . In other words, they cannot see the beautiful qualities in you, let alone think about what you have paid to persist in those beautiful qualities. They will only think that you are easy to cheat and fool.
A sensible girl has to be sensible all her life. If there is even a little bit of resistance, men will criticize you, morally kidnap you for various reasons, or how you have changed, or you are not like before at all, and they will attribute all the reasons for the breakup to "you did too much", even if you are the victim, even if you have paid more.
In a relationship between the sexes, once being sensible is used as a hard condition for evaluating the intensity of love, it proves that the relationship is already in an unbalanced state - after all, if you want to be sensible, I hope you will sacrifice your own interests to tolerate the other person.
Please stop being in love and taking all the problems on yourself. If a man really loves you, he will never ask you to be sensible.
2: Always asking you to change for him
They all say that relationships require compromise and running-in. Does the compromise and running-in here mean changing yourself for the other person? The answer is no, running-in means two people find the most comfortable way to get along, and compromise means giving up something that is not conducive to both parties getting along. There is a clear line between this and changing yourself: are you changing for others, or are you making necessary compromises and running-in.
In real life, there are many little girls who regard "changing for their lover" as an extremely romantic thing, so they agree to the man's request without any brains, and in the end, in order to keep the other man, they give him whatever he wants. Focus on this, dear, if a man always asks you to change for him, to be clear, to be clear-headed, they are trying to lower your bottom line and lower your standards.
is willing to change himself for the other person. The fundamental reason is that he thinks the other person is too good and feels that he cannot keep the other person, so he can only serve and please the other person through the humiliating method of "changing for the other person".
Many people will wonder: When they were single, they would never do such a thing. Why did their self-esteem disappear when they fell in love? The answer is simple, because when the man made such a request for the first time, you did not reject the other party, but over time, your bottom line is getting lower and lower, and your self-esteem is getting weaker and weaker.
Whatever you forgive will be experienced again. My dear, if a man really loves you, he will never ask you to change for him.
Three: You are always required to be beautiful
Lin Huiyin once said: "Many people like you because you are good-looking, smart, and interesting. These likes imply a lot of expectations. Some people like you because they see you crying and embarrassed, know that you are hardworking and ordinary, and allow you not to be beautiful. I'm not good, and I want to give you my shoulders and candy. "
The reason why many couples break up and always get back together is because the love between them is expected and shallow. They just want to enjoy the bright and beautiful things in each other, but are not willing to bear the gloom and darkness behind the beauty. In fact, this kind of relationship can only be regarded as love, but people always exaggerate it as love.
How to distinguish like and love? If you have a good impression of someone, it is like; if this like can still withstand the test, it is love; if a person always asks you to be beautiful at all times, this is not even like or good impression, it is just pure greed.
If you like someone, you can determine it almost in an instant. The other person's appearance, figure, clothing, words, deeds, and even voice can all make you feel good at once. In other words, liking is like, and liking is not complicated.
What is love? Everyone has their own interpretation of love, whether it is dedication and dedication, or responsibility and companionship, but in the end, love or not can't be decided in an instant, let alone evaluated by hardware conditions. Like is just a momentary heartbeat, and love is the determination after the heartbeat.
If a man truly loves you, he will hope that you can accept love bravely and give love sincerely, even if you are not perfect; he will hope that you have a healthy body, close friends, a job you like, a goal to strive for, and a comfort zone to avoid negative emotions, even if they prefer you to be around him every day.
Good love means you can see the whole world through one person. Bad love means you give up the world just for one person. My dear, choice in love is greater than effort. Don't waste your energy on the wrong person.
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