It is generally believed that the fundamental reason for ending a relationship is that you no longer love the person, but in fact, even if you still still have this person in your heart, you will still choose to leave.
So what is the reason that makes us choose to leave this person even though we love each other very much?
Psychological instinctive self-preservation
In psychology, there is an "active defense mechanism". In the face of emotional conflicts and perceived dangers, we will spontaneously choose the safest way to strive to protect ourselves and increase the probability of safety.
So in other words, "self-defense strategies" stem from a lack of security while growing up.
Due to our family of origin, or perhaps because of our own past emotional trauma, we are worried about suffering similar or even repeated injuries, so we chose to avoid this risk in advance.
Gu Cheng said:
"In order to avoid the end, you avoid the beginning of everything."
Perhaps this move seems ridiculous and stupid to onlookers, but in the world of the person involved, this is an imperative strategy.
Growing up in an atmosphere with insufficient security will inevitably lead to an adult who longs to be loved, but does not know how to love at all. The mentality of worrying about gains and losses also makes it easy to miss true love.
The discordant quarrels between parents in childhood, or the strict and deviant control of oneself, such as the saying "If you don't obey me, your mother will not love you", have affected the psychology of many people. Some people will choose to succumb and become a people-pleaser to get the stability they want, but some people simply end the relationship early on their own, so that they no longer have to worry about it.
It is easy for such an insecure person to appear. Although he or she loves you very much, he or she will still choose to end the relationship when faced with some conflicts and differences.
Choosing after weighing the pros and cons
I obviously liked a piece of clothing but didn’t buy it in the end. Firstly, my body shape didn’t suit me, and secondly, because I didn’t have enough money. The same is true for relationships.
Why do you choose to give up decisively even though you love her deeply? It was after he (she) weighed the pros and cons that he or she either lacked energy or was beyond his or her ability to bear, so he or she chose to give up.
That is to say, although I love you very much, I cannot lose myself or lose more for you, so I have to give up a relatively regular life.
I think many people have the experience of raising pets. Feeding, shoveling, bathing, sanitation, including toys, snacks and nutrition for pets really require a lot of time and money to support them. To a certain extent, the consumption of lovers is similar, and the person you love may already feel exhausted in terms of demand standards, so you have no choice but to give up now. It is not that you don’t love, but that you can’t bear it compared to your own “sacrifice”.
Realize that there is no future
The ultimate goal of dating is marriage, and leaving someone you clearly love is probably because after a period of contact, you find it difficult to reach the end of the relationship. It may be due to too many personality conflicts, or you may even feel that the other person does not regard you as your only partner in marriage, so even if you still have love in your heart, you will choose to leave and let go.
Just imagine, although love is true, we always have conflicts and endless quarrels over trivial things every day, and it is difficult to catch up with love over time. In other words, love makes us hold hands and come together. In the process of dating, what makes us decide to let go of each other's hands is not love or not, but the inability to accept the shortcomings of him or her in the future.
END
text/emotional transfer station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), specializes in the restoration and repair of love relationships, marital conflicts and disagreements, and the healing of spiritual trauma caused by original families.In the lonely journey of life, we listen to your grievances and pressures, help visitors improve their skills in getting along with each other, win back their lovers, manage their relationships well, and strive to become a happier person.
