text/Han Meiyi
01
A male reader complained, saying that his wife was too shameless and too cold! His mother has been at home for eight days, and his wife has not cooked more than three meals for his mother. Now, his mother has a high fever and is unwell. Instead of taking care of his mother, his wife angrily moved her children to a hotel outside because of his accusation, without caring about the difficulties he and his mother were facing.
How did he accuse his wife?
" is too selfish! Too petty! I still remember the grudge from eight hundred years ago and don't take my elders seriously at all! I spent money to marry you, so you have to help me be filial to my elders. How can I spend other people's money and not contribute to others at all? The truth? If you continue to be so ruthless, be careful if your daughter follows your example and will do the same to you when you get older! ”
His wife thinks what he said is unpleasant. It’s obviously his mother who was at fault in the first place, so why should she accuse her as a daughter-in-law?
Speaking of which, his wife and his mother had a deep feud.
Ten years ago, when his wife gave birth to his daughter, his mother ignored her daughter-in-law, who had just had a caesarean section and was still lying on the bed in confusion. She complained that her daughter-in-law was incompetent and her stomach was not up to par, and she kept mumbling that it was unfair to his family. Not only did they not have a fat boy in their family, but they had to wait another three years for a second child. It would definitely be a joke when they returned to their hometown.
Not only that, his mother returned to her hometown early in the morning after his wife gave birth to the child. Although his mother said that she was not in good health and wanted to go back to recuperate, she was actually helping his second sister in her hometown county.
Just like that, his mother left her own granddaughter alone and took care of her grandson instead.
This is not the most extreme thing.
Before his daughter was five years old, whenever he brought his wife and daughter back to his hometown, his mother and his two sisters would find fault with his wife, either with ridicule or sarcasm. Until one time, his wife couldn't stand him. The second sister's taunting of "If you can't give birth to a son, then you have to work as a cow at home", his wife and his second sister had a quarrel. His mother couldn't see her daughter suffering, so she stepped forward and scolded his wife along with his second sister. From then on, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law completely fell out and never interacted with each other again.
This time, before he brought his mother over, his wife had said that his mother could live at home for a period of time (no more than a month), but she could not take care of her at home. If he really wanted to show his filial piety to his mother, he could rent a house for his mother in the same community. He would bear all the rent and the money for taking care of his mother on weekdays. In this way, it would be good for everyone and save everyone from getting upset with each other.
Not only did he not listen, but he also refuted his wife by saying, "I paid the lion's share of the money when I bought this house. Why can't my mother live in the house I paid for?"
His wife did not want to make a useless struggle and never said a word to him about his mother. But on a Saturday morning, he went back to his hometown to pick up his mother without saying a word.
He accused his wife of acting coldly after his mother came. So what did he do?
As long as he comes home from get off work, no matter whether he is busy or not, he must let his wife cook. As for him, because he still has to spend time with his mother while he is home from get off work.
His wife came home before him twice and took the initiative to cook. However, when he came home and saw it, he felt that the meals prepared by his wife were not rich and not suitable for his mother's taste. He got angry and said something to his wife. After that, in order to make him "filial" to his mother, his wife never cooked again. Not only that, his wife also deliberately went out for dinner before returning home. Even on weekends, his wife would find reasons to take his daughter out to eat together.
If it comes to cooking, he can tolerate it, but when his mother is sick, his wife doesn't ask a question, refuses to listen to him, and takes a few days off to take care of her at home (his wife's monthly salary is 8,500, which is far less than him. He thinks that his wife's leave will have little impact, and she can't deduct much money). He feels that he really can't bear it anymore.
Therefore, he lost his temper and scolded his wife severely.
Just like that, after his wife was accused by him, she packed her luggage happily and moved out immediately. Although he was very angry, he had no choice but to take leave and take care of his old mother at home.
02
When he told me about this matter, he gritted his teeth and said that his wife was worthless and he was on the verge of divorce.
I asked him, That is your own mother, isn’t it the right thing for you to serve her? Your wife doesn't help you, but she doesn't want you to be filial to your old mother. Why are you angry? Are you so unwilling and tired of working for your own mother?
He snorted coldly and scolded me: You women are like this. You can remember big things for a lifetime. If you really don’t want to take care of your mother-in-law, why don’t you get married? You can just stay single forever! There is no need to help men anymore, and there is no need for conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law!
I smiled, then you don’t have to marry me! In other words, marry a woman who can rely on you in everything. No matter how you and your family hurt others, they will be willing to treat you with all their heart. There must be such a woman, it just depends on whether you have the ability to marry her and keep her by your side.
He said, "It really doesn't make sense to you, so you women will only talk to women." After that, there was no further content.
This concludes our conversation.
Actually, there are many men who think like this male reader.
In their minds, after marrying a wife, she will bear children, take care of the housework, take care of him, and be filial to his parents, regardless of how he and his family treat his wife. In short, his wife cannot treat his family and parents ruthlessly or indifferently.
It's strange that some men never thought about how to be filial to their parents before they got married, but after they got married, they always told their wives how to be filial to their parents.
Really, if a man always holds the idea of "let his wife help him fulfill his filial piety and let his wife complete his filial piety", then his family will never be harmonious.
A man can be filial to his parents, but the premise is that you practice these filial piety yourself, instead of just talking about it. The specific actions depend entirely on your wife.
Some people will say that when a couple gets married, don’t they just support and help each other? If you have to make such a clear distinction, why get married?
Indeed, if a husband and wife are too clearly separated and only consider whether everything is their own duty, then such a marriage will not make much sense. However, this does not mean that because they are husband and wife, they rely on each other to help them in everything, but they do not try their best, or do less.
It's like parents. Regardless of male or female, if you want your partner to go to your parents with all their heart and soul and to be filial to your parents like you, then you must do two things:
One, you use your partner's parents Heart, when your partner's parents are in trouble, or when they are unwell, you come forward to help your partner share the burden;
2. When your parents deliberately find fault with your partner, you can bravely stand up to defend your partner, and will not hurt or ignore your partner just because of your parents' words.
To sum up: Either you treat your partner's parents sincerely, or you treat your partner with all your heart.
The feelings between people are mutual. No one can still smile and give selflessly after being hurt again and again and not taking it seriously.
Even parents sometimes complain, get angry, and ignore their children.
Therefore, whether you are a man or a woman, when you encounter something related to your parents, first think about how much you can do and how filial you can be, and then ask your partner.
If you are unwilling to do something yourself, or cannot do it, why would you think that your partner can definitely do it for you?
