Many people think: "Men are selfish and only consider for their own interests. When they feel unhappy and want to find a new home, they start to file for divorce , and they become indifferent and don't think about how to save the relationship. "
is really like this?
is not necessarily true.
In their divorce, hides a lot of thoughts that are not easy to be discovered, waiting for the other party to guess, can often push the relationship to a break.
Today I will discuss with you what kind of mentality do those men who randomly file for divorce regardless of women's feelings?
01
first type: In order to test
simply put it "deliberately, I want to see your reaction".
may start to stop talking after mentioning it, avoiding you, and even failing to see others for two days, but in two days, you will find that is like a ok person, and start talking to you as usual, and should do whatever you should do, as if the person who "applied for divorce" at that time was not him.
But in your feelings, this person is hanging on you in a uncertain mood. When you are in a good mood, you will live a good life. When you are in a bad mood, you will have to leave. You will live a very frustrated life.
Maybe at this time, many wives may be emotional. agreed to divorce as soon as they got angry. When they recovered, they were full of grievances. didn't know how to deal with it, nor did they know what was wrong.
But in fact, we let ourselves pause and think about the man's behavior. He is like an angry child, not talking about his feelings and thoughts, so he will use a "threatening" method to attract attention, and hope you can see him.
And such a "divorce threat" just shows that you two don't have much emotional problems. On the contrary, there are some misunderstandings and misalignments in the interaction between . The two of them did not talk thoroughly, which led to the increasingly misunderstanding.
For example, he feels that his feelings are not seen; what he says is not important; he is not needed in this family; ...
So if this is the case, you only need to do a little to make the relationship change:
Be a woman who is not that "excellent".
Why do you say so?
The feelings we mentioned earlier just show that women do well and are very comprehensive.
is so big. If you take on most of the things yourself, will have fewer positions in this home, so they naturally feel that they are not important.
So, if you can make yourself a little bit , and the reason behind seeing him is that you hope to be seen and needed, you can solve these problems in a different way and respond to his feelings, and your marriage can be restored as before.
02
The second type: escape from pain
This situation is more serious than the previous situation, and it is easy to "don't divorce after leaving home".
He may have moved away and disappeared after filing for divorce. No matter what you say, how to comfort or guarantee, he will not let go and resolutely leave , it seems that the relationship has really come to an end. But when you really can't stand it and want to talk about divorce with him, you will find that he ignores you, does not say divorce, does not say divorce, and says that life can't continue.
finally becomes, , he refuses to let him go home, he doesn't want to let him divorce, , you can't guess what he wants, he is constantly consuming internally in such a relationship, and he doesn't know what he can do.
What exactly does he want to do?
actually only have 6 words: pain and inability.
To be honest, he was actually not sure what he wanted, and was not really prepared for a divorce. He just thought it was too uncomfortable. He just wanted to leave and felt comfortable.
But when that emotion stopped, he actually didn't have that great determination to take the step of divorce. There are many things in the relationship between that are still holding him, making him unable to leave. A relationship like
is like honeycomb. Sweet is sweet, but it is also very dangerous. And he does not have enough ability to deal with these dangers, so he wants to escape.
So, if your wife wants to save her in this state, she will do one thing: magnify the opportunities in the relationship and reduce dissatisfaction in the marriage.
For example, review your relationship and sort out the contradictions and clues in past relationships; re-establish a new mode of getting along, so that the injuries caused by the past model can be reduced; clarify your feelings; ...
This allows him to see more hope and safety in your relationship when facing you, can slowly break his idea of divorce. At the same time, you can also know that there are new paths in marriage that can solve the problem.
03
The third type: suppressing for too long
Men like this generally do not mention divorce, but if they propose it, they usually follow a careful consideration. This is what we said, has been suppressed for too long and has exploded, and they feel that divorce may be more suitable for them. makes you happier and the difficulty of regaining them will be greater.
He often does not express much in the early stages of getting along with his husband and wife, nor does he change much, But his concern and nostalgia are washed away and cleared in the relationship. Finally, one day, because of a small thing, he felt that there was no need for the marriage to continue, so he chose to leave.
But you don’t know the process of trashing, so for you, such a divorce will be like “ because of such a small thing? As for? Why did you make such a fuss?” , but in fact, small things are just the last straw that crushes the camel.
Therefore, in this state, there are many moments of emotional crisis warning in your past relationships, but you may subconsciously regard it as an ordinary conflict and contradiction and let it be put on hold.
And with such shelving, makes your "emotional bank account" clear little by little, and more disappointments, has less and less emotions, and finally becomes no longer caring.
If you want to recover at this stage, the focus of your work is to resolve grievances, warm up your feelings and rebuild the model.
For example: In your relationship, what is the other party disappointed? What was the place where he had been stuck? Is he no longer love, or is he in pain and can no longer love? What did your past pattern look like? What resources are available at the moment? ...Only after composing the
3, you can really understand the other party, find the right point to start, touch the relationship, and guide the other party.
In short, if your partner suddenly filed for divorce, Don’t be scared by this sentence and panic. either hurriedly promised that it would change, or pleaded in every way and asked the other party not to leave.
But such flattery and humility often cannot be exchanged for marriage, and it is easy to push the other party further and further away. gives you a little breathing time, distinguish what type of the other party is, and prescribe the right medicine. can better achieve the results you want.
At the same time, I also remind all wives that the more conflicts you have accumulated in your relationship in the past, the longer the time, the greater the damage to the relationship will be, and it will take more time and energy to repair the relationship.
is like a hole in the clothes that is the size of rice grains. When it is constantly pulled and deformed and torn into a bowl-sized hole, the steps and needlework required for to recover will have more steps and needlework.
But no matter what stage you are willing to adjust, it is not too late. This adjustment process is not only about repairing the relationship, but also about improving yourself. makes you more capable of seeing the relationship and managing the relationship.
Of course, you can also recall the interaction modes of your past relationships and current relationships, find out some changes in contradictions and events, send me a private message to me, and ask me to help you with a "marriage repair" diagnosis.
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