Question: Yuchen, how to get out of singleness? Why do I feel that there is no suitable one around?
Yuchen: How to get out of singleness in ? Why are there no suitable ones around? OK If your circle is not very small, it may be your own problem. The most important thing about getting out of singleness is to learn to turn spouse thinking into social thinking. Turn expectant thinking into ground-based thinking. Turn full-score thinking into passing thinking. Turn result thinking into experiential thinking.
Question: ? Haven't heard of these theories? Can you explain them in detail?
Yuchen: First, spouse thinking is that you meet someone who likes you or may like you, so you should preset in the direction of spouse. Doesn’t this lead to a strong sense of boundaries and a strong sense of defense?
You must learn to treat everyone you know and the person you have developed into a relationship with, and first treat them as friends. Don’t mark the other person as an ambiguous or blind date partner as soon as you come.
Instead, you have a social mentality of multiple friends and multiple ways, your tolerance will be much higher, and you will have more opportunities for in-depth development.
The second one, the expectation thinking is that many people always have to wait until the ideal partner appears before falling in love.
We must understand that there is no 100% perfect lover in the world. Every couple has undergone various adjustments behind it. You can't come up and expect this person to be like that.
can make you happy by saying sweet words to you. If you get up, you will have an annual salary of one million, and you will have a house and a car to understand your thoughts. These things need to be changed over time.
so, if you don’t meet your expectations a little bit, you will solve the problem by replacing people. This is not pragmatic and implemented at all.
If you really want to get out of singleness, you must allow the other party to be imperfect and love specific people instead of abstract people under the conditions met by the big framework and basic principles.
The third one, the essence of full-score thinking is actually not understanding how to love and be loved.
Some people who don’t fall in love or get married late and have children late. Many have full-score thinking. For example, if I want to make myself more perfect, I will talk about it. I will talk about it if I lose weight a little more. I will talk about it if I have a little more money.
This is actually caused by the unworthiness in the bone. I always feel that I am not worthy of the better. I always want to find better ones with confidence. Isn’t this a twist on yourself?
is like an exam. You always start by looking at the exam with 100 points. Under these high standards and strict requirements, you will become more and more inferior and avoid. In the end, the older you get. Instead, it is not easy to get out of singleness.
Just go to pass. I am not ugly, or have a good personality, or have a good job and education. That's fine. Then you pass the exam. You can get a chance to have a partner.
The last fourth: the result is that thinking always feels that talking about one person will last for a lifetime. Fear of being broken up. But this is not to let you have children. No need. Break up if you break up. The next person is better and the next one is more well-behaved.
and watch my previous video. I said that breaking up is a good thing. It can make you realize and grow. Talking about a partner is itself a life experience. Don’t always think about what to do if you can’t talk about breaking up. Do you know about cold sauce? Those who are afraid of wolves in front and tigers in the back are nothing.
Psychological test: Test the words your ex wants to say to you most
1. Do you quarrel over trivial matters when you are together?
Yes, I often feel very tired —2
rarely argues over trivial matters —2
Occasionally, but I can make up soon —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to reflect on yourself and is willing to correct your mistakes?
is —3
is not —4
3. Will TA take the initiative to tell you about your troubles?
often says - 5
doesn't say much - 4
4. Will you tell your parents about the process of your love?
, and often complain to my parents. —6
, occasionally, they will say it when they ask —5
, hardly say it, there is nothing to say —5
, there is nothing to say —5
5. How much energy are you willing to spend to get what you want?
Everything goes with the flow, it’s mine after all, it’s mine —7
Work hard, maybe you can succeed —6
Try your best, I have to get everything I want —B
6. Is it because a third party appeared?
Yes—A
No—7
7. Has the other party taken the initiative to contact you after breaking up?
Yes—D
No—Ch
