If cheating is said to be a sadness of the big song, then the contradiction caused by small things is the "chronic poison" that seems not serious but silently erodes everything.
In a marriage, both parties will continue to make efforts, but there will always be an inequality in the efforts and returns. This is when all emotions are piled up and explode.
Women always get angry because of some "small things". Men always think that women make big fuss, but is this really the case?
Is the "explosion" of emotions really because of small things, or is it the dissatisfaction with life and partner behind the small things?
Behind women get angry because of a glass of water, a piece of clothing, or a sentence, there are countless collapses that are difficult to express in words, and these collapses are often brought by men.
1
Marriage is actually a matter of two people living together. If they cooperate well, they can be smooth sailing. If they don’t cooperate well, they will be disasters.
Xiao Zhang has been married for five years. She just came out of the hospital yesterday. In addition to the "colored" on her face, there was also a fracture in her hand. Her husband was supporting her next to her, but accidentally touched her painful right hand.
She cursed her husband angrily while enduring the huge pain and distanced him, looking as if she wanted to divorce, while the man stood there looking at a loss.
The person next to him looked at this scene and couldn't help discussing:
"This husband has such a good personality, why did he marry such a wife?"
"This woman has a bad personality. Her husband is so nice to her, and she has to scold him in turn!"
"Oh my god, this woman is so fierce and irritable, hurry up and get a divorce, this man is so pitiful!"
But is this really the case? Why did Xiao Zhang look like this?
It turned out that Xiao Zhang fell and injured when he got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, and the culprit was the shoes that the man put on randomly:
Xiao Zhang woke up in the middle of the night and went to the toilet. His mind was already confused, and the light was very dark, so he didn't notice a pair of shoes placed in the "middle" of the living room.
And why are the shoes placed here? Because it was the man's "unintentional" to do it.
There is a shoe rack on the left hand of Xiao Zhang's house, but the man never put the replaced shoes on the shoe rack. Xiao Zhang's mouth was broken, and the man still remained unchanged.
Later, Xiao Zhang was too lazy to say it. Occasionally, he would clean up his shoes if he didn't put them in. This time the shoes appeared in the living room because the man went home very late. Xiao Zhang was already asleep, so he didn't have the opportunity to "correct" the man's mistakes.
What made Xiao Zhang the most angry point was not that he was injured, but the man's behavior:
When he asked a man to put his head in the shoe cabinet every few days, the man was extremely impatient and felt that she had a lot of things to do.
Now something happened, and he was instead "you were careless". Why is he?
It’s obviously a matter of waving your hand, why can’t men do it? Why do men only need to wait until the "harm consequences" happen every time before they know how to restrain themselves?
2
There is no judge in marriage, and no third party will judge us right or wrong, so many times two people are "hoarse" at the top of their heads and fighting for a win or loss.
Sometimes it is the other party who makes the mistake, but if you accidentally vent your emotions first, you will instantly become the party at fault, and you will need to apologize first in the end.
Sometimes you are clearly right, but the other party just refuses to admit their mistakes. They feel that they are not wrong from the bottom of their hearts. You not only have to prove that you are right, but also have to prove that the other party is wrong. After finally proving it, it is exchanged for the other party to say "make a big deal".
These things seem trivial, but they constantly erode women's patience.
When a woman's patience is exhausted, she becomes a "sold wife" who is irritable, a little bit, and can't see a trace of tenderness.
But at the beginning, which woman was not gentle and soft in front of the man she liked?
What makes a woman change is never the trivialities of life, but the other person's attitude.
I have seen a couple who divorced because of washing dishes. Doesn’t it sound ridiculous? But when we know the specific details, we will find that this wife is really "suffocating".
Xiao Huang has been married for three years. She divorced her husband because of washing dishes. Everyone accused her of being "unvirtuous, lazy, making trouble, and sooner or later she will regret it."...
But only she herself knows that even if she pays the price of divorce, she still has to escape this suffocating marriage life.
She and the man are both office workers. They rent a house in Shanghai. The salary of both of them is similar. There is no problem of whoever raises whoever, because both parties are born in the 1985s, so their relationship is very young.
is basically a model of helping each other and cooperating with each other, such as one party cooking and one party washing dishes, one party sweeping and the other mopping... In short, there will be no pattern of one person "serving" the other party.
But even this pattern has problems due to "imbalance".
3
Anyone who has worked in big cities knows that the company claims to get off work at 6 o'clock, but in fact it's good to leave at 7 o'clock. He took the subway for more than an hour and just wanted to lie down.
At this time, takeaway became the easiest and most convenient choice for work days, but Xiao Huang's husband always felt that the takeaway was not clean and insisted on coming back to cook by himself.
As long as the man wants to cook, Xiao Huang is not convenient to order takeout because it is not suitable:
Because she cannot say "You make yours, I will eat takeout", the man will feel uncomfortable; it is even more impossible for the man to refuse to wash dishes after cooking, because everyone is tired and she has eaten the food made by the other party, so why are you embarrassed to not wash dishes?
However, washing dishes is really painful for her, not because she doesn't want to wash dishes, but because she would rather cook than wash dishes.
Men always feel that cooking is the hardest, washing dishes is the easiest, doing heavy work by themselves, leaving the relaxed work to their wives, but giving men a "aftermath" the kitchen is the real tiring work.
Because Xiao Huang's husband is more "heroic" in cooking, it will stain every part of the kitchen. Unlike Xiao Huang, after cooking, you only need to wash the pot and those few bowls.
Xiao Huang’s husband cooks, and he will use it as long as it is a plate that can be used. Regardless of whether the plate will be used to serve the dishes in the end, some are used to put chopsticks stained with oil, and some are used to put shovels that are not used for the time being... In short, men who stir-fry 3 dishes will stain 12 plates and 6 pairs of chopsticks...
Secondly , the opened bottles of soy sauce, vinegar, oyster sauce, etc., men never close them; he even scoops the seasonings in the box with salt MSG, chicken essence, etc. (There are obviously different spoons), making the three seasonings mixed together...
The final result is: Xiao Huang not only needs to wash the dishes, but also "clean up" the kitchen. If a man takes 50 minutes to cook, it will take Xiao Huang to tidy up.
Moreover, even if Xiao Huang cooks, men will not wash the dishes as soon as possible, but will go to rest first. People like Xiao Huang who have a slight "clean obsession" can only clean up by themselves.
The behavior that men cannot understand the most is: even if they order their own takeaway. Men will also pour food from takeaway boxes to plates to eat, and the plates they have finished can be kept there for days and nights without caring about it.
Xiao Huang urged the man several times, but the man was too lazy to go to wash, so in the end it was Xiao Huang to go to wash. Isn’t order takeout just to save time and effort? This is not only inconvenient, but also adds to the task of washing dishes.
These seemingly "small things" contradictions can best corrode a person's patience.
For a long time, Xiao Huang's resentment continues to accumulate, and as long as there is a little conflict, it will break out.
4
In fact, it is a good thing for couples to have division of labor, but when your division of labor is unbalanced, you should rectify it. Continuing to stick to the original model will only accumulate contradictions.
The biggest contradiction in Xiao Huang's marriage is not the problem of men's "lazy" and "doing", but the problem that both parties cannot coordinate.
If the woman can tolerate and deal with the aftermath without complaints, there is nothing wrong with the woman, I am afraid that the woman will not tolerate and have to deal with the aftermath, and then vent her emotions after the aftermath. In the end, things were done and people were "offended".
It is difficult for a person to change his nature, just like cooking is a personal habit. Some people will make a mess after cooking, while others will keep the kitchen as new after cooking. This is a habit rooted in personal behavior for many years and will hardly change.
Since the other party cannot change the other party's habits, you might as well let him cure the aftermath for himself in his own habits.
The original pattern of the young Huang couple was imbalanced. Everyone felt that they were "hard" and the other party was "easy", so they changed it to:
Whoever cooks and washes the dishes, each person takes turns making one meal.
If he himself can't stand his habits, he will definitely force himself to change; if he himself is willing to pay for his habits, then keep this pattern.
Most problems in marriage can be solved in this way. Only when the other party has to pay for his shortcomings will he take the initiative to change his shortcomings.
What we need to do is not quarrel and vent our grievances, but let them feel your grievances.
Most women who feel "suffocated" in marriage are because they have endured too much, but the other party does not think you have endured so much, because the other party cannot empathize with it.
Handling marriage conflicts by venting emotions will only make things worse. Only by learning to "handle marriage conflicts scientifically" can you obtain a healthy marriage relationship.
Love will make love lasting, but it is difficult to make marriage lasting, because marriage is a mess, a need for the wisdom of life and management rationally.
Remember: If you want a perfect and harmonious marriage life, you must learn the correct way to manage your marriage.
New content will be updated every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Move your fingers to like it, and look forward to making progress with you!
