In our social life, do we often don’t know how to communicate with others? Is it like me, I don’t know what to say or what to say?
Sometimes I don’t even know how to express myself, let alone talk to strangers.
I am such a type of person in life. With the improvement of digitalization in today's society, people's face-to-face chats and communication are becoming less and less frequently.
However, communication problems are becoming more and more common. If we want to communicate effectively in life, we must learn to chat in life.
Chat plays an important social and emotional role in life. It is also a common, universal and basic social connection method, and it is also an art of communication.
How do we achieve the purpose of communication and socialization in chatting?
Today I want to introduce to you the book "Guide to Find a Word"". Author: "Croel Fleming" is a PhD in Language Communication Disorders at Northwestern University, a language pathologist and best-selling author. After 30 years of experience, he is also a communication trainer and has been hired as a communication consultant by many "Fortune 500" companies.
Small chatting is needed in social
In the book, it introduces why people want to chat, what is the meaning of chatting, and how to chat in various occasions in life. to achieve the purpose of effective communication. There are also many scene dialogues inserted in the book, which are particularly practical, especially how to start an effective chat with strangers.
I introduced several places that I have a deep impression of,
1. Why do you need to chat, what is the purpose of chat, and what is the function
Chat is a relaxed, pleasant and safe form of language communication, giving people the opportunity to understand each other before developing deep relationships.
Chat is the language for building relationships and friendships.
has a mechanism that can bridge social differences, a tool that everyone can master, that is - chatting.
Those who used to be "they" can easily become part of "we". I think this is the real purpose of chatting.
The purpose of people's social communication is to turn strangers into friends.
chatting has the following functions: • Gather people together • Enhance understanding and trust • Build or maintain friendship • Avoid conflict • Understand different perspectives
chatting is a key lubricant in social interaction, and its value is comparable to drinking and laughing.
Maybe we can’t show wisdom through chatting, but we can show up in education.
Chat is a good recipe for treating "social phobia".
2. How to cure "I always don't know what to say!"
In social networking, sometimes in order to transform strangers into acquaintances, we have to start with chatting, which is also the purpose of chatting. And at this stage when strangers turn into familiars, we all feel panicked and don’t know what we should say.
I just often, at this stage, become speechless and at a loss, and what to say. The other party didn't know what I was going to express. I feel like I can't speak, I look stupid.
introduces a simple and effective chat formula in this book, which can help us complete this process. It is the "ARE" code: anchor, express, encourage
1. Anchor leads to neutral topics from things around you
2. Express (Reveal) personal opinions related to this topic
3. Encourage (Encourage) the other party to speak out and ask questions based on the topic.
You can preset your ARE template (even before leaving home), and do this to ensure that you don’t have to worry about organizing language in the most uneasy environment. Take some time to imagine: who the sponsor of that occasion is, the music, things, arrangement, and the weather. Before you leave your home, you can prepare some topics based on the event in advance. This will save you a lot of trouble in finding topics on site and greatly enhance your sense of comfort.
Self-expression is crucial to the continuity of conversations. Open message is able to adjust the direction of the conversation, and I can’t emphasize more about how important it is in the conversation.As the chat process progresses, you will surely find topics that are of interest to both parties.
Encourage asking questions When we anchor the topic and hope to express our opinions, we can encourage each other by asking questions and mobilize the atmosphere of the conversation. But be careful to avoid asking "yes/no" questions.
If you also want to encourage the person you are talking to make a complete response, you can borrow the reporter's usual questioning methods: what, why, where and how. If you can also borrow this method
to show your enthusiasm, throw out open information, and often show what you love.
Good questions can attract thought and make judgments. It is very interesting to arouse the other person's interest.
Anchor, expression and encouragement require repeated practice to achieve proficient use. Practice means you need to keep saying, repeating. Repetitions can help you strengthen them into action memories until they become an automatic behavior pattern.
3. How to apply the power of silent language to become more accessible to
In social interaction, people generally believe that positive behavior is a manifestation of friendly communication. Make the other person feel relaxed and safe, and the other person prefers to get close to you. We need to know how to send a signal of our affinity and kindness.
In the door chat, we can use the "SOFTEN" principle to express our kindness.
1.SmiIe: When you meet for the first time, you need to show a sincere smile, instead of a fake smile or a slight smile.
2. Limb stretching (Open posture): Limb stretching means that you need to face the person you are talking to, your arms and legs do not overlap, your body does not twist, your shoulders open, and your toes are aimed at the person you are talking to.
3. Forward Iean: In addition to facing the person you are talking to, leaning towards the other person or moving the body can also convey a feeling of interest and listening.
4. Physical contact (Touch): When shaking hands, you need to get up and stand and stretch out your hand, aim at the other party's tiger's mouth - that is, the dividing point between your thumb and other fingers - to the other party's tiger's mouth, and contact your palms.
5. Eye contact: Eye contact can help people build spiritual connections. It not only shows that you are a cheerful and easy to get close to, but also tells the other person that you can catch the message from the other person. People who are used to avoiding their eyes must learn to catch the other person's eyes, otherwise it will create insurmountable obstacles to your relationship.
Instead of staring at each other tightly, you don’t glance at each other quickly, you look for visual clues of the other person’s meaning and emotions on the face of the person you want to express. You can consciously look at the person's eyes, or look at the other person's eyebrows or nose bridge.
6.Nod: refers to the physical reaction when listening to the other person’s conversation. A slight nod can encourage the other person, indicating that he is indeed listening and understanding what the other person wants to discuss.
We can use these body language expressions during the conversation to bring in the physical and mental distance between the conversation person, which is what we call a sense of intimacy.
We can understand that chatting is also an important way of effective communication through this book. It is not what the "social fearful" imagines. It is boring and boring and boring, or even ineffective awkward chat.
It is an ice-breaking practice technique for social awkward people.
makes you go from "What do you want to say?" to "Why are you so good at chatting?" You're just one time away from "nothing to say" to "find something". Let our socializing start with chatting.
