It is said that choosing a spouse is like gambling. Everyone is happy if they win, and losing means that they have encountered the wrong person.
But it has to be said that the cost of trial and error in marriage is too high.
The common situation is often: when you see a man at home as a hand-off manager, even if you want to communicate well, the other party will remain indifferent and use tolerance as a weapon to escape.
gained an irresponsible partner. He was not only insecure, but also turned a person into a "resentful woman".
So, let’s talk about today: the lack of responsibility in the relationship.
01
too naive
Why is women always tired in a relationship between men and women?
Because in terms of psychological age, men mature later than women, and most men who mature late often don’t care.
Once a male reader told me that he had been married to a girl for 7 years and was pregnant unexpectedly. He originally wanted to abort, but the girl wanted to get married.
So we got married as a man's responsibility, and the two of us quarreled after the marriage.
When angered, the girl will run on the road with her belly big and can stand on the road for several hours without moving until he goes looking for it.
He felt helpless and too naive about this behavior of being forced to care.
In the past two years, he has the idea of divorce due to various things, but he already has two children.
He couldn't bear to treat his children like this, but seeing that 3,000 yuan a month was not enough for girls to spend, he had to borrow various mortgages, car loans, and children went to school, and had to go home to make trouble with girls. He felt too tired.
He wants to get a divorce, but he doesn't want to bear the irresponsible reputation after the divorce.
The most core essential problem in the above story is: boys are very naive.
This kind of boy will have no rules, no way to bear basic responsibilities, and no responsibility, just like what the boy mentioned above said, "being led by others", "unexpected pregnancy", etc.
The first child was pregnant unexpectedly. Now there are two children, and the second child is not pregnant unexpectedly, right?
The so-called "noisy" does seem to have a tendency to be emotionally manipulated, but the problem is that boys are willing to enjoy it and he has been enjoying it all the time.
And to be honest, it is not reasonable for a boy to shift all the blame to a girl.
You should know that a bug crawls out of a stuck place and cannot take care of the tentacles in front and the tail behind.
must leave with all the tail, which is a delusion.
As a man, you must assume the responsibilities and responsibilities that you should truly bear, learn from the most important lessons in life, and learn to distinguish what is childish love and what is mature love?
Childish love is that I love you because I need you; and mature love is that I need you because I love you.
I don’t know if the girl watching has such experience:
You have paid a lot to a boy, and you even help him cook, wash clothes and take care of his life, and he declares that he loves you.
But one day, you are tired or do something else and you don’t take care of him, and he will say you don’t love him anymore.
The love of this boy is childish love, because his love for you is based on the fact that he needs you.
In the giant baby stage, that is, the childish love stage, the most cruel essence is that his so-called love for you is based on his needs for you. He just needs you, not love you.
Mature love is that I need you because I love you.
both seem to simply change the order, but they are essentially different.
can be understood as: I need food because I am hungry; I need water because I am thirsty; I need you because I love you.
My need for you does not lie in how you can give me money or anything else, nor in how you can take care of my life, but just because I love you, this is mature love.
02
Accustomed to enjoying
"After getting married, you must be a good wife and mother, be considerate of your husband!"
I believe many people are familiar with this sentence.
But most of the reasons why modern men lack a sense of responsibility comes from: too much understanding and too little sharing.
Once a female reader told me that due to some reason, she got her marriage certificate with her husband three months later.
Her husband is the youngest in the family. He always hopes to be taken care of by others, is timid and cowardly, is more polite to outsiders than to his family, and smokes, drinks, and plays cards every day.
When she needed someone, her husband was always away, which led to her daughter thinking that she was a single parent when she was a child.
Although her husband is a good person, kind and tradition, and will buy things for her on business trips, she always feels that the other person is the most familiar stranger and does not feel the care, protection and responsibility.
Due to various reasons, they have too little emotional communication and no sense of intimacy.
Later, after her daughter suffered a heavy blow in business, her husband was directly knocked down, not eating, drinking, or sleeping. Now several years have passed, but he has not yet come out.
At that time, she took her grandson, helped her daughter and comforted her husband. Not only was her husband unable to help the family, but she also always asked her for trouble.
In despair, she filed for divorce.
But after the divorce, the two of them never left home. She was worried that the other party was poor in self-care, lazy, and fragile inside. Once she left, the other party would not be able to live.
Why does the lady who is so considerate of her husband in the above story feel that she is not satisfied enough?
Because in this relationship, there is a very important and profound theme - "The Disappearing Father".
This "disappeared father" has superficial meanings and deep meanings. The question mentioned in Ms.
"Ms. k, "When my daughter was a child, she thought she was a single parent" is a superficial phenomenon.
What a ridiculous thing it is for a child to think that he is a single parent when he grows up, which shows that this father has no sense of existence in the family.
Of course, this "disappearing father" phenomenon is not an isolated case. We see that many families now lack the image of a father:
1 disappeared from work during the day, and when I get home at night, I don’t talk, and play with my phone while eating. After dinner, I go to the bathroom, take a shower and continue playing with my phone, and then I go to bed.
24 hours a day, there is no real connection with the child and wife, and there is no real seeing each other, even if you are chatting.
"Although they are living together, they become the most familiar strangers" is the most heart-wrenching feeling brought by this kind of family.
Let me ask, how can a father have a sense of existence in such a situation?
Even if the child does not say that he is a single parent on the surface, he will feel similar to a single parent in his heart.
But why did the husband in the above story degenerate into a huge baby in this relationship? Because the lady is in the dominant family.
The reason why she still does not leave after divorce and is worried about her husband's life after leaving is because she is used to taking care of all the children in the family.
However, in such a position, the husband cannot become a father and will only continue to become the largest child in the family.
This is also the origin of this relationship.
So, if you want to make a person feel responsible, you should be appropriately considerate and distinguish what you should do and what you should not do. You should make a man truly a man and a representative of truly male power.
Of course, male power is not only physiological male or female, but we are talking about women and men with high emotional intelligence, and finally becoming hermaphrodites, while controlling femininity and masculinity.
03
spoiled
In the type option without responsibility, there will definitely be a mama boy.
Many parents think that spoiling is giving excessive love, but spoiling is actually an excessive obstacle.
also comes from a story from a female reader. She met her current boyfriend through her family and talked about her for more than two years.
Her boyfriend has a house and a car, and the single-parent family grew up with her mother, and her original family is harmonious.
When she first went on a blind date, her boyfriend's family said that the work had been arranged, and it was only a matter of time before she went to work. Two years have passed, but she couldn't say it was done and she had to find it herself.
Her boyfriend couldn't tell any other big problems, nor did he argue with her. He just said that there would be hope for work and everything would be fine. He always said that there was nothing wrong with not working for two years.
Now her parents urge her to get married, and her boyfriend is willing to get married, but she feels that if the other party doesn't go out to work after marriage, life will not be able to continue.
This made her very anxious, but she didn't want to break up just now, after all, she had given her feelings.
At first glance, the heroine found a boyfriend with relatively good conditions, but there are three things worth savoring here:
A boy's single parent and grew up with his mother;
The boy's work originally said that his family had arranged the arrangements, but two years later, there were no arrangements;
The boy's family felt that there was no problem not working for two years. Combining these three things,
, you can see that the image of a giant baby is clearly portrayed.
To put it bluntly, a boy is just a child who has not grown up.
neither takes responsibility nor has he made some careful considerations for his life, let alone any plans.
And why is the heroine anxious?
Anxiety emotions are a reminder to let us re-look at things in the future.
The future that can be seen in the above relationship is: even if you marry, boys may continue to lie flat, be lazy, have no plans or responsibility for life.
Therefore, the heroine should not judge the future of a relationship simply by the other party having a car and a house, because the car and a house have nothing to do with you, only the right to live and use.
You must see the essence of things clearly before making a choice.
Don’t worry, “After all, I give my feelings”, the youth and time I give are all sunk costs .
Anyway, I also have a household registration in a big city, so it doesn’t make sense to worry about the other party’s household registration.
erase the other party’s conditions for having a car and a house. Compared with other boys, there is actually another room for choice.
Maybe at that time, you will find that it is better to find a man who is also from another place to work hard and save money to buy a house to live in a more stable way.
Always some people think that in the process of love, as long as another person is kind to him, they will be moved and even have the idea of staying together for life. It doesn’t matter what kind of person the other person is.
But more transgender is a characteristic of love.
Only love with a sense of responsibility as the cornerstone will not be defeated by time.
The illustrations of this article shall not be used in part or in whole without authorization.
