Hot drama " The Law of Love 28 " As the plot develops, the male protagonist Yang Hua and the female protagonist Qin Shi have made a fake come true and have a real relationship. However, at this moment, many people are lamenting why they can't meet such a good love.
In fact, this is also a topic that many single friends often complain about:
"Why are men so bad nowadays? Where have good men gone?"
However, whether it is a man or a woman, why is it so difficult to meet your ideal love?
There may be many objective factors, but the most important reason why the final outcome is three.
① The evaluation of oneself is not accurate enough, and one's own value cannot match the expected lover.
② In value exchange, I don’t know how to choose and don’t want to suffer losses.
③ Another possibility is that you are trapped in the perfectionist complex when choosing a spouse.
The so-called ideal love is somewhat subjective, and this kind of love has some idealistic tendencies. The expectation for intimate relationships is understandable, but it is also the real cause of poor communication and riddled holes.
"I really didn't expect him (she) to be so sloppy. He never swept the floor and never wash dishes together, or delayed and was lazy. He agreed to work out together, but he didn't fulfill it at all."
These reasons for breaking up, which at first sound weird and unreasonable, actually reflect not whether the living habits are in line, but the parties involved are trapped in the trap of perfect rationalism.
Perfectionism is a kind of idea based on dissatisfaction and imperfection everywhere, and the extreme pursuit of perfection and flawlessness is formed by lack of communication and security in an extreme environment.
Love perfectionism usually presents a harsh attitude of striving for perfection in terms of outlining one's own thoughts, emotions and needs standards. Deep in the heart of perfectionists, they have the desire for perfection and the fear of shortcomings.
Therefore, they are extremely picky when choosing a partner. They are actually just avoiding the risks brought by fear. But once you discover that the other party is different from your expectations during the process of getting along, it will be difficult for you to simply maintain the development of your concern due to panic. In the face of conflict, you will also want to give up looking for the next period of your destined emotions.
However, there are two states of perfectionism about love: one is to blame the other party, and the other is to blame yourself. If you blame the other party, you are trying to find the perfect lover standard that must meet the ideal virtual lover. If you blame yourself, you will easily become inferior and feel that you are not good enough in any place, you are all lacking, and you will turn a blind eye to your own advantageous value.
However, this ultimate pursuit that is not pragmatic enough and cannot be rational and objective is an important factor in not being able to pursue the perfect relationship of rationality.
When we watch movies and TV series, we only see the love that Qin Shi gained, but we don’t see her choices. Putting herself in her shoes and putting it in life, have you accepted the thinking of a man holding a Buddhist mind and thinking that 4,500 yuan can live a happy life? Can you accept the male protagonist without working hard or working, and can you accept the wedding to be vegetarian and save as much as possible?
does not mean that this is right, or only in this way can one obtain love, but there are relative choices in everything. Sometimes the reason why we cannot get our ideal love is often because we want too much, but we have to make any concessions and give up.
Of course, in the case of self-conception, it is possible that what we want does not match our own situation. With the participation of her mother, Tao Junhui separated from his girlfriend who had been in love for seven years. Later, he chose to be with the rich girl Wu Fei. In Tao's mother's eyes, Qin Shi was an unqualified daughter-in-law and the object of being despised. At this moment, his son is just a loser in the other family in the other party's family.
Therefore, if you cannot meet your ideal love, you may lack precise understanding of yourself and have too clear standards for your pursued lover, so that even if you find it, it will be difficult to become the other person's guest of honor, and thus, under various factors, it will be left alone.
END
text/emotional transfer site
(author: Xiaoyu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at restoring and restoring romantic relationships, marriage conflicts and differences, and spiritual trauma healing caused by original ecological families. In a lonely life journey, listen to your grievances and pressures, help visitors improve their gender skills, win back their lovers, manage their relationships well, and strive to become a happier person.
