Text | Sanwan
by chance saw this question on the Internet: "How many words can you and your husband say in a day?"
One of the netizens' answers made people feel distressed:
" I have been married to my husband for three years, and I am back from get off work. Every time he talks to him, he will adapt to a few words. When he talks to him, his eyes will never leave his mobile phone. He either watch videos or plays games... I don’t want to talk to him now, and I don’t know what the meaning of living with him is.” There is a data from the China Marriage Consulting Research Center that
Among all the problem marriage types, the proportion of "talkless marriage" accounts for 78%.
In reality, how many couples are unwilling to share with their partners because they have nothing to say, making their relationship alienated or even broken.
Therefore, in a healthy marriage relationship, sharing desire is crucial.
01. The crisis of marriage begins with the reduction of desire to share
The reduction of desire to share will gradually lead to: "marriage aphasia".
Couples who are infected with this disease will be in a very terrifying state for a long time. They do not have a big fight, nor do they have domestic violence or cheating, but they are full of loneliness and indifference, full of crisis and depression.
Some people describe this state like this: We will not divorce, but we will not chat with , it is really sad.
micro-movie "Stranger at the Table" tells the story of a couple with "marriage aphasia".
White was cleaning, the wife found a recorder, which recorded the daily conversation between the couple:
Wife said: "Help me get the remote control",
Honey: "Yeah";
Wife: "Then you go to bed early later",
Honey: "Yeah";
Wife: "Do you want to drink something?",
Husband: ... (No answer here)
Wife: "Lettuce is so expensive now",
Husband: "Yes?" ............
From the recorder, you can find that the couple has little dialogue, and the wife speaks first, and the husband either has one or two words perfunctory or doesn't speak.
In marriage life, one of them has extremely low participation. He completely ignores the person around him, does not take care of the other person's emotions, and does not care about what the other person said. He is obviously the two closest people, but he has become strangers on the table and plays his own one-man show in his marriage. So why do we want this marriage?
Writer Maugham said:
"The tragedy of love is not separation from life and death, but indifference."
When couples no longer share, communicate, instead they are the sound of watching videos, the sound of their wife cleaning dishes in the kitchen, and the sound of their husbands snoring, the air is always filled with silence and cold atmosphere. A marriage state like
has already lost its vitality and entered a crisis without realizing it.
02. A good marriage is the endless "nonsense" between two people
If it is said, it is the couple's "silent care of each other" that defeats marriage. Then, a good marriage is like "nonsense" that two people have endless talk.
The "nons" that couples say in daily life are never redundant. It can make each other's feelings deeper and deeper in their long married life.
Maybe you should have heard something like this: "For the rest of your life, please find someone who is willing to listen to you talking nonsense."
Yes, if a person is willing to talk nonsense with you, it means that the other party really cares about you and is willing to share his feelings with you.
A mother on a certain point shared her story:
She said that her relationship with her husband is very good, which is largely derived from two words: chat.
They are both people who are not particularly talkative, but when they are together, they always feel that they say it. If it's not finished, I can't stop chatting every time.
Usually at night, she's already very late after she puts her child to sleep, but she still accidentally chats until two or three in the morning.
They chat, sometimes they talk about work, sometimes they gossip about something, sometimes they talk about children's education, etc. In short, they talk about everything.
After having a child, many friends around them slept with their husbands in separate rooms, but they still slept in the same bed. A quilt, cover a big quilt together, and whisper in the quilt.
Although this mother described it very casually, she could feel the smile and sweetness on her face through the screen.
, it is really a happy thing to have someone in life who can chat with you at any time.
When the star Gao Yuanyuan and Zhao Youting got married, many people were not optimistic.
It was not until one time in a variety show " Venus Show " that everyone knew that this couple always had a lot of words to say, they were the ones they could chat with.
No matter what topic it is, they could always talk for a long time. After marriage, they were also in the same state that they often chatted at home.
There is a saying in "Three Lines of Love Letter" that says this:
"There is still a long life, I hope you will be with someone who truly loves you and can chat with. This is the longest passionate happiness in the world. "
After all, a good marriage is the willingness to share small things in life with each other anytime, anywhere. There is endless chatting and endless "nonsense".
03. Mei Niang said that
Marriage is never something that one person resists, but requires the joint management of two people. There are endless talks between each other, which also requires practice.
I want to To break this "marriage aphasia" model of getting along, you might as well try the following methods:
First, list a list of 100 small things done
The establishment of intimate relationships is constructed in every detail of life.
The couple can jointly formulate a plan to complete 100 small things together, and clock in once after each completion.
For example: make a food meal together, go on a trip together, go on New Year's Eve together, take vlog together to record life, etc....
In fact, there are many small things worth exploring together and experiencing together. When you really complete these small things, you will find that your relationship will gradually warm up.
Second, express your feelings and let the other party know
In marriage, it is not uncommon to say things but not feelings.
Just like you usually say directly: "I won't come back to have dinner today" "when will I go to pick up my baby"...
Such communication will gradually no longer express each other's feelings.
You might as well try it and express your feelings more in chat and communication.
For example, tonight, my husband couldn't come back for dinner because he worked overtime, so he could say to him on the phone:
"Husband, I made a table of good dishes, and I still wanted to have dinner with you. If you don't come back, I still feel a little disappointed, but it doesn't matter, you should remember to have a good meal even if you are busy with work..."
directly expressed his emotions, instead of responding coldly: OK, I understand. Then the other party will definitely feel your kindness and warmth.
In married life, learning to express one's feelings can make the other party better understand us, increase the warmth of communication, and easily make each other feel happy.
Third, "Ten Minutes Business Method" before bedtime
A survey showed that the 10 minutes before bedtime determines the quality of each other's marriage.
Couples with high happiness index basically have the habit of chatting together before going to bed.
In fact, no matter what you talk about, the most important thing is to have a feeling and atmosphere of saying things every day.
Therefore, you can try to smoke at least 10 minutes a day, put down your phone, and focus on chatting with your partner and talking.
You can take a look at what you encountered today before going to bed, and share interesting things, unhappy things, etc....
In the chat, express opinions to each other and share your own ideas and opinions.
Don't underestimate the interaction ten minutes before bedtime. This is a kind of companionship and communication, which is conducive to promoting the warming of the relationship between husband and wife.
When encountering emotional barriers and cracks, don’t rush to give up and end. You can learn to try the above methods to manage and save.
is like the end of "Stranger on the Table":
Finally, the wife handed the recorder to her husband.
After listening to the contents inside, the husband thought, so he bought a projector the next day and accompanied his wife to watch the movies she loved to watch.
Finally, the house is no longer lifeless silence.
Yes, don't let "marriage aphasia" destroy your marriage.
Life requires warmth, even in ordinary days day after day, don’t forget to love each other.
And if you really meet someone who is willing to tell you a lot of "nonsense" often, please cherish it!
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