Recently watched a movie " One Sentences To Twelve Thousand Sentences ", which tells the story of the shoemaker Niu Aiguo and Pang Lina getting married. After ten years of marriage, their relationship became increasingly weaker and there was nothing to say between the two. In the end, Pang Lina chose to change her mind to the wedding shop boss Jiang in order to relieve her loneliness.
In my previous consultation cases, many students also said that they and men said nothing at the beginning until they are now without saying anything. There is no communication and communication between husband and wife, and marriage makes them the most familiar strangers .
Today we will talk about this marriage crisis .
. Why do you have nothing to say?
Psychologist Merstein once proposed a theory that plays an important role in interpersonal communication, stimulation, value and roles.
He believes that the intimate relationship led by is a beautiful love. If you just immerse yourself in stimulation and forget the importance of value and roles, then there will inevitably be a crisis in your marriage life .
When love begins, we will be affected by stimulation, making us feel that love should be vigorous and vigorous. We are full of expectations for the future. We and our partners will talk about everything, just like a bond.
When love begins to move towards the middle stage, we will enter a period of emotional burnout. At this time, we will bid farewell to the exciting and passionate life and gradually tend to be dull. If no changes are made, the relationship will gradually decline.
When we get out of passion, we will find that we communicate less and less with our partners, and we get along more like friends. At this time, many people will also have questions about their relationships in their hearts, or complain to their partners: "Why can't you treat me like you did before?"
What should we do when our marriage enters a burnout period?
2. How to deal with burnout period?
. Continuously self-extension
Some psychologists proposed a self-extension model theory, mainly saying that while humans are exploring and discovering, they are also looking for a sense of identity. This theory is also reflected in love.
In marriage, our early stimulation mainly comes from our partners and passion for new things. When you lose the stimulation in marriage, you need to re-express the feelings through continuous extension of new things.
I have a student Lily. Before marriage, she was an elite in the workplace. After marriage, she became a housewife due to family reasons. She deals with housework all day long, and she has no social circle of her own, and she has completely lost herself. Her husband and she has almost no communication, and the two get along more like "roommates".
Under my suggestion, she decided to change herself . When she was young, she always had a dream to be a photographer. Although she is very old now, she is not old in the pursuit of her dreams.
She actively participated in training classes and exchanged skills with photographers from various regions. She took time to see the exhibition on weekends and continuously accumulated shooting experience.
With her unremitting efforts, she finally won the award at in an photography competition. At the award ceremony, her husband was invited to witness it. Her husband also met the woman who showed confidence in every move, and the relationship between the two became more and more beautiful.
When you try to learn to explore a new thing, what is important is not only the result, but also the process will stimulate your personality and let yourself further realize yourself.
. Psychologically divide with the other party
Faced with a burnout marriage, we also have questions in our hearts, why did we agree to marry him when we fell in love with this person?
But when we first thought about it, the other party seemed to be the true emperor in our eyes. At that time, we felt that if we married him, it would be the most correct choice.
There is a subtle feeling between you, and this feeling is very beautiful. Love is such a beautiful feeling. You can't tell the specific feeling of this kind, but you also feel it is particularly beautiful.
But one day, you know this person more and more, the mysterious halo on him will gradually disappear, and your hazy and wonderful feeling of him will gradually disappear.
s0 Slowly, your passion for him will fade away, and he is no longer so perfect and mysterious in your eyes. You will have questions and fall into deep self-doubt.
is actually because two people have been together for a long time and are too familiar with each other. If you want to solve the problem, you need to separate them from each other psychologically, establish a boundary between your partner and yourself, so that each other can re-express a sense of mystery and attract each other again.
Although it is a division, it does not let the two separate, but only makes you treat each other as a stranger psychologically. At this time, observe the charm he shows in life, so that you can regain the stimulation of love.
For example, because my wife and I have been together for a long time, I will only see all kinds of bad habits in my life. But if I split myself psychologically, treat my wife as a friend in life.
I will find that she works hard and motivated at work, takes care of her family, and is filial to her parents in life. I will find that she has so many advantages. She is not only bad habits in life, but also very excellent in the eyes of others. What are those bad habits?
We should often put aside the small things in life, keep a distance from the other party, and the distance creates beauty . When you see the shining points on your partner, you will find that he is so outstanding in life and work.
