The reader wrote:
I am 33 years old this year, and my husband is 3 years older than me. We have lived together for more than 8 years, and our child is 7 years old. Over the years, there has been no big conflict between my husband and I. It is because I have a happy life attitude, and working, taking care of children and cleaning up my home have taken up too much time.
Half a year ago, I noticed something was wrong with my husband, so I peeked at his phone and found that there was a third person between us. My husband and the other party met through an online dating software. The other party is the same age as me and is currently in a divorce.
In the husband's evaluation system: the other person has a good figure and a good personality, and is especially suitable for being a lover.
Because I am just a traditional woman, I value the uniqueness of love more. In the post-infidelity period, I will definitely let my husband choose between me and my lover. The attitude my husband gave at the beginning: choose to live a good life with me. Unfortunately, in the days that followed, I discovered that my husband did not draw a clear line with his lover. In this case, I had to take the child to temporarily live back to my parents' home and file for divorce from my husband.
After I lived back to my parents' home, my husband also went to my parents' house every few days to apologize to me and accompanied by various promises. Because I still love my husband and I don’t want our children to grow up in divorced families and my parents’ matchmaking, I stayed at my parents’ house for 9 days before going home with my husband.
I originally thought that after such a quarrel, my husband should be honest. To my disappointment, my husband did not intend to separate from his lover. What made me even more angry was that after a drunken time, my husband actually muttered in front of me: Neither lover nor I can leave behind. The general meaning of my husband: I am the one who can grow old with him and be able to have a heart-to-heart relationship, while my lover is the one who can give him infinite imagination and a lot of passion in the emotional field.
For the completeness of the marriage, I have worked hard. Now no matter how much my husband promises, I no longer believe him. I have sued the divorce.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
There are too many people in this world, most people’s thoughts: work hard, manage their own small family well, ensure loyalty to marriage, and be a well-educated person. But we should not forget that there are all kinds of wonders in the world, including some people who seem strange to ordinary people, who will do things that ordinary people find difficult for them to understand. As a close lover or friend of these people, they will inevitably give him instinctive corrections or scoldings. The key is whether the other party can listen? What’s even more funny is that these people actually know too many great principles, but they are unwilling to regulate their words and deeds. In this case, don’t try to change the other person anymore. Either choose to accept it calmly or let yourself leave.
post-in-law should I forgive my cheating period? There are several main considerations: 1) Can I truly forgive myself for betraying my lover’s marriage? 2) Without the protection of your lover, can you face your future life alone? 3) Do you still have any attachment to this relationship? However, maintaining feelings requires the efforts of two people. When you can convince yourself to forgive, you also need to take your lover's attitude into consideration: 1) Will your lover be willing to separate from a third party from now on; 2) Is your lover's apology attitude sincere in the post-incidence period? If you forgive your lover's cheating behavior in more pain, but your lover acts as a stern person, in this case, if you continue to choose to fight to the death in similar relationships, you will be impolite.
Regarding your marriage with your husband, the reasons why you were unwilling to divorce at the beginning: 1) You still love; 2) You don’t want your children to grow up in divorced families; 3) Your parents are more cognitive people and have given you the best match. Unfortunately, while you are working hard for the completeness of your marriage, your husband interprets "shamelessness" in front of you with the attitude of "either you nor your lover". In this case, you are particularly disappointed with your husband. Although divorce is a forced decision for you, it is also a more rational way to deal with it. It stems from you being just a traditional and simple woman, and you can't convince yourself to keep turning a blind eye on your husband's cheating.
Everyone has advantages and disadvantages in life. Most of the time, we fall in love with each other because of the other’s strengths, but in the end, because the other person also has shortcomings that are difficult for us to overcome, so we choose to withdraw from this relationship. One thing is certain: after you and your husband divorce, he will quickly think of your kindness. At that time, he will inevitably be entangled with you in various ways to achieve the purpose of remarrying you. Reminder to you: You have made a great tolerance for your husband's return to the family. Since you have decided to use legal weapons to dissolve your relationship, don't consider eating again when you go back. People must not be philanthropists in the emotional field, otherwise they will have to bear the corresponding price for their passion.
reasoning. People should understand a lot of things in their own experiences and try to avoid the mistakes they made in their future lives. However, there are also many people who forget to hurt after they have healed their scars. When you suffer a heavy blow to your career or relationship, you can make you feel more sad and emotional in an instant, but after turning over the sad things, you are still bastard in your life. I remember a saying: It is easy to change the country and nature is hard to change. Perhaps there are many people in life who are unwilling to correct their way of being a human or doing things at all, but don’t forget that in the adult world, no one except your parents will give unlimited tolerance for your shortcomings. Most of the time, the relationship between people is just: if they are united, they will be together, and if they are not, they will go their own way.
Human nature is sometimes very difficult to see through. After all, people have multiple aspects in life, so some people can only exist in your life for a short time, because after you see the ugly side of someone, you are unwilling to continue dating with this person, and feel that all your experiences in this relationship are particularly bad and unbearable. I have loved and paid. Even if I break up with you on my own initiative, there will be a period of depression after the breakup. If you are not the party at fault for the disintegration of your relationship, please do not doubt yourself: who to live with is just a choice, allowing you to make selective mistakes. However, if you determine that being with someone is a wrong choice, please remember to stop the loss in time.
Postscript:
A few days ago, I saw a news story: a man, 30 years old, called online live broadcast. He faces the camera nearly 24 hours a day, and even when he sleeps, he does not "off the broadcast". His online name is "Brothers and sisters, please give me some gifts to eat" (probably similar). He never leaves the house all day. Seeing his current living conditions really worry about him, but he thinks that such a life is good.
In fact, many people, including you, are also difficult to compliment, but such people are also allowed to exist. They just think beautifully: neither lover nor lover can be left behind. The key is: whether you have a good appearance or not, and whether you have much money in your pocket. There are too many people in life who like to immerse themselves in self-righteous and unrealistic ideas. When people around you cannot give them satisfaction, they also blame others for being too provocative and not being generous.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
