The reader wrote to me and said:
When I was 24 years old and my wife was 22 years old, my wife took the initiative to confess her love to me. I just started working at that time and my wife was still in college. We are neighbors. My wife confessed to me one summer vacation when she was in college. To be honest, I didn’t have much long-term plan for this relationship at that time, so I thought my wife was not ugly and I was single, so I didn’t refuse my wife’s confession. After that, I experienced a long-distance relationship for nearly a year, and my wife basically contacted me on her own initiative, and I made a show of it.
After my wife graduated from college and worked for a year, she got her wife's proposal. I was not ready for marriage at that time, so I found various excuses to delay getting married. In the end, my wife was a little impatient and gave me an ultimatum: either get married or break up.
Maybe I have been with my wife for a long time and have become accustomed to her existence. She is really nice to me, so I agreed to my wife’s marriage request.
Sometimes people are just bad things. When facing someone who is particularly good to you, they often don’t know how to cherish it. During the 3 years I lived with my wife and I, I cheated twice. The first time happened during my wife's pregnancy, and the second time happened half a year ago.
After my second cheating, although my wife did not file for divorce, she started the marriage model of sleeping in separate rooms with me and gave me cold violence.
5 The day before yesterday, my wife suddenly said: Let’s get divorced, I have someone outside of marriage; if you get on the wrong boat, you will go down there if you have a shore.
Because our children are still young, I don’t want to get a divorce. My wife’s feedback: I used to think that the child was still young and there was no need to divorce, but I felt more and more boring in the process of fighting with you.
I thought my wife was a girl who dared to love and hate, which meant that she could take the initiative to explain to me that there was someone outside of marriage, which means that her intention to leave was decided. I hate myself very much now: there is a girl who treats me very well in my life, so why can't I cherish it?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
Things we need to understand about human nature: Many times, people will have a strong interest in a certain person or something. At the same time, they also hope that the things they are interested in can have a more ideal result for themselves and the person they are interested in can also give themselves the same enthusiasm. The acquisition of love may be a process of taking the initiative, but after truly establishing a romantic relationship or getting married with someone, you will instinctively hope that the minimum mutual relationship can be formed between each other. If you keep a warm face and cold butt in a relationship, you will inevitably feel disappointed during the process of life, especially when the other party not only does not give back to you the minimum enthusiasm but also is mixed with betrayal behavior, it is easy to save enough disappointment.
facts that need to be admitted: in this relationship, your wife is really proactive and gives more. The key is that she hopes that her efforts will be recognized by you and can move you. But from the years since you fell in love to your marriage, what did you give to your wife? In fact, in the face of your repeated indifference, your wife will ask yourself: Is it a very impolite way to be stubborn to pester you? Just because she loves you and you haven't done too many things that go against the principles, she will continue to be nice to you under the inertia of love. However, your two cheating incidents made your wife unable to hold back. In this case, she just wanted to wait for the child to get older before divorced you. However, in this process, she met the right person in her perception and could only advance the divorce plan.
There are not many people in life who are real fools, let alone, how can you find a real fool as your partner in love and marriage if you are smart enough? It means that you can feel the grievances of the other person when you show your honesty in front of you (just think from the perspective of others). Unfortunately, you are not willing to take care of the other person's emotions. You just rely on the other person's love for you, and you do whatever you want.But have you ever thought about another question: the other party also has his own principles, his own bottom line, and his own tolerance. Once your self-righteousness makes the other party extremely sad, the other party can only choose to leave. It means that the result of divorce now is that you deserve it.
The result of divorce is to you that you have lost someone who is particularly good to you, and to your wife, she is to be separated from someone who is not good to you. Looking at the divorce from this perspective, you are naturally sad, and your wife must be relaxed. So your mood is different when facing divorce. With your understanding of your wife, you also know that your divorce will be a matter of DingTalk on the iron plate. But I still hope that you can put down your figure and give your wife the corresponding retention: 1) Children are the biggest ties between you after all; 2) Your wife has been very infatuated with you. If you can change your past, maybe you can get unexpected results? After all, it is absolutely absolutely necessary for your wife to choose to divorce.
People are emotional animals. Everything that happens to themselves every day is likely to cause their own thinking, so that human emotions will show different states at different times. It’s like: when you care about someone who cares about you, his mood is naturally happy; when you care about someone who cares about you, his mood is naturally frustrated. When he is in a happy mood, he will feel that no matter how much he gives in this relationship, it is worth it; when he is depressed, he will feel that his efforts in this relationship are just touching himself. This means that when a person frequently gains sadness in a relationship that is valued more, he will naturally have fewer expectations and more disappointments in the relationship.
Love someone may be a joy at first sight, but getting tired of someone is a pile of disappointment in the trivial matters of life. When you let a person who is full of you bear negative emotions and feel disappointed in this relationship again and again, he will have such a self-suggestion in his heart: liking is a matter for one person, and falling in love is a matter for two people. So much so that he will doubt his enthusiasm in your indifference and deny his efforts in this relationship. Until one day, he can no longer bear the indifference, betrayal and hurt you give him, and he will naturally withdraw from this relationship, because the other party only has one heart, so how can you allow you to give it to Huo Huo again and again? But there is another phenomenon in the emotional field: first talk about love but not love, then don’t give up.
Episodes:
Although people are sometimes a slut, when holding a relationship, they still hope that their partner can give them the minimum care. If what they gain indifference and contempt in this relationship, how sad it would be. After all, people are not cold machines. When faced with their lover's attitude towards you, there will naturally be too much reflection. When you use indifference to extinguish the other person's confidence in loving you, do you think the other person should not be withdrawn from you?
Oath is to some extent just a beautiful expectation for future life. As for the reasons why the vows change in the end or the attitude you gave to the other party to not cherish. At this time, don’t say that the other party is a person who doesn’t keep his word. After all, the other party has given more enthusiastically in this relationship, but you don’t pay attention to the other party’s efforts at all. The result is that the other party can only choose to leave.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
