"When you get married, you must find someone with a common topic, or you will suffer only torture, no sweetness." This is what a colleague in the unit who has been married for five years told me.
It is reported that she and her husband met in the blind date market. At that time, she felt that the other party was honest and a person who lived a life, so she hurriedly entered the marriage hall.
After marriage, the other party is indeed honest and a person who lives a life, but he talks very little, and can even be said to be dull and he will not find topics.
Every time you chat, you start with a colleague, and even if the colleague takes the initiative to find a topic to chat, the other party will be perfunctory to "right" and "yes".
It’s okay for one or two days. As time goes by, netizens feel like they are feeling uncomfortable because her marriage is just like she is running alone. There seems to be no difference between getting married or not. Seeing other couples as close, colleagues increasingly feel that their marriage is a wrong choice, so her current idea of divorce is getting stronger and stronger.
It can be seen from this that having a good husband-wife relationship is particularly important. So how should we establish a good husband-wife relationship?
A good husband-and-wife relationship needs to start with establishing a "common topic"
The TV series " The Legend of Zhen Huan " is very talented. When she first entered the palace, she made the emperor feel that this woman is different from all the concubines because of her knowledge. In addition, she looks exactly like the white moonlight in the emperor's heart, so Zhen Huan at that time enjoyed the emperor's unparalleled favor.
When the emperor was having a headache about government affairs, Zhen Huan knew that the harem could not interfere in politics, but she could also solve her worries and relieve her thoughts from the emperor's perspective.
When discussing poetry and songs, the emperor and Zhen Huan were even more harmonious. No matter what the emperor said, Zhen Huan could answer the words. After a while, the two of them also received emotional sublimation in language communication.
Even the emperor himself said that among the three thousand beauties in the harem, Zhen Huan understands herself the best.
Why is it very important for couples to have a common topic?
That's because language is a carrier of our emotional output. Through this carrier, we can achieve emotional back and forth, and then continuously promote the warming of emotions in this process.
is like those clear waters. The reason why they maintain their vitality is because " asks the channel to be clear and so ? It is because there is a source of live water", while those waters that cannot flow will become dead.
Montaigne wrote this sentence in the book "Essay Collection": "Language is just a tool, through which our will and thoughts are communicated, and it is the interpreter of our soul."
Therefore, it is necessary to establish a common topic between husband and wife.
The relationship between husband and wife without a common topic will become obstructed
In the movie "No Questions about the West", Liu Shufen and Xu Bochang are a negative textbook for the couple without a common topic. They can be said to have zero communication when they get along.
Xu Bochang is a university teacher, and Liu Shufen is an illiterate village woman. Therefore, under such a gap, it became a luxury for the two of them to even chat.
So, they have been married for many years and have always lived in separate beds. Even daily necessities are placed separately, which are drawn by Xu Bochang.
In fact, they could have cultivated common topics, such as Liu Shufen tried to learn knowledge and understand Xu Bochang's world, and Xu Bochang could also understand what Liu Shufen was most interested in on weekdays by doing housework.
It’s a pity that none of them took this into consideration and allowed the relationship between husband and wife to become alienated and indifferent.
Hu Jianyun Teacher once said this: "I think the best marriage state is: at home, there are fireworks in the kitchen; outside, there are concerns and greetings; in spirit, there are communication and understanding; in life, there are respect and tolerance.
However, there is no such way for husband and wife relationships without common topics, so the relationship is increasingly filled with haze in a closed environment.
The establishment of common topics cannot be separated from communication
Sometimes a person cannot be called loneliness, but only those who cannot get married if they are not understood and said, can be called loneliness.
is like a sentence written by writer Liu Zhenyun : "One person's loneliness is not loneliness. One person looks for another person, one sentence finds another, and one sentence finds another, which is the real loneliness."
Two people will definitely have differences because of different interests and hobbies. This is nothing. The key lies in whether they can enter each other's world through communication and communication, and then understand each other's interests and hobbies, and then establish a common topic.
For example, men like to play games, women like to read books, men can try to understand interesting things in the books, women can also enjoy the joy generated when playing games, and then exchange topics through communication.
Only in this way can we understand what the other party likes, and at the same time, we can let the other party understand what they think, and then achieve the sublimation of of emotional .
