In the past two days, two friends happened to talk about their lives on WeChat, and they all talked about some of the worries and helplessness in life. They are mainly related to getting along with the elderly, and they are also not getting along with their own parents.
I also want to talk about my experience and observation over the years.
It is estimated that the following remarks will also arouse the disgust of some "moral defenders". If you are someone who likes to evaluate others from the "moral commanding heights" to evaluate others, you can take a detour.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ She asked her biological parents to come here.
The biggest characteristic of the elderly is that they are stubborn, and children cannot express their own ideas and opinions at all. In the trivialities of daily life, once children feel that some things are not done properly, I hope the elderly can adjust them. Once the children speak, all kinds of painful complaints will begin.
Many families probably have heard similar dramas:
"I pulled you up with shit and urine. How hard and difficult back then..."
"You have hard wings now, are you unfilial to your biological parents? Is this the attitude towards us?"
"You have strong wings now, are you unfilial to your biological parents? Is this the attitude towards us?" l2
"I have paid so much for you. Do you have a conscience?"
"You are not satisfied with me and think I am not doing it well, so I don't care about you."
is quite exaggerated. Some elderly people will complain to their relatives, friends, neighbors and neighbors. Basically, if external public opinion intervenes, the finger will be pointed at the children. A sentence is characterized by "You are unfilial!" and "Your parents are old, so you must tolerate any of your younger generations!" Such remarks can directly knock the children to the ground and not move.
Some elderly people with strong personalities even say, "I am an old man, that's what I want, you can't control it!", "You still dare to control me?"
In these cases, there is no way to communicate normally. If you disagree, you will immediately encounter rebuttal, counterattack, resistance, and even various measures will be taken to defeat you.
In fact, the real situation is that many children, especially the first generation who have taken root in first- and second-tier cities, or the generation who have completely emerged from the countryside, are really not easy, and life, work, children, etc. are under great pressure. If the elderly often make trouble at home, life will be very tangled and difficult, and there will be no harmony and happiness.
Another friend mentioned that his four daughters at home. Now that my mother is sick, she can actually walk by herself. The doctor also said that she should exercise her walking function more, etc., but her mother just slept in the bed every day and refused to exercise. Several sisters took turns to take care of them. Now they are at this friend's house. She is still single and has bought a house. Doctors say that the elderly can walk by themselves, but every day my mother insists on helping her in the toilet, eating, etc., which is also unbearable.
These are probably two opposite examples. In the first case, the old man has a strong personality and cannot tolerate any different opinions, and gets along very disharmoniously. In the second case, the elderly are too weak in personality, relying on their children in everything, and the family is not burdened with them.
In any case, it is objectively a difficulty in these families.
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He also said that in my mind, no longer teaches children to be filial, just love me.
Sometimes I think about it. If people from the 1950s and 1960s could have Ang Lee’s idea, there would probably be many conflicts in the family.
In the old man's own life state, I have always said that I admire my grandmother the most.
The old man is in his 90s and is now in the same town as my uncle and aunt, but the house is kept at a certain distance. She can still go up the mountains and go down the fields. She will harvest dozens of kilograms of seasonal vegetables every year and hundreds of kilograms of corn. Although his legs are bent and his back is hunched, he also suffers from pain, but he can eat and sleep, and his voice is loud.
Nowadays, my grandmother’s five children and children and grandchildren still have admiration and gratitude when they think of the old man.
people, dignity and face are really earned by oneself, not given by a certain identity of the elders and young people. Some people are simply older, but it is really hard for people to say the word "respect".
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- Try to rely on yourself. Whether it is a strong personality or a soft personality, good health and financially healthy, try not to take care of the children, as such an elderly person will be respected by their children.
Someone said, this is wrong, isn’t it natural to give money to parents? It is an obligation to support the elderly, but if the elderly can be self-sufficient, it is indeed a real dignity. Giving children is to show filial piety, what if children are difficult? So it is better to have it yourself than to find someone else to get it.
As for the body, that is even more important. A person who truly respects and loves himself will definitely treat his body well. Eat and sleep well, do not do anything or do anything internally, cherish your body and mind, and try to stay healthy.
There is no filial son in front of the bed for a long time, this is true. Nowadays, young people are under great pressure. It is really unrealistic to stay by the elderly to take care of them for a long time without paying attention.
2. Do not interfere with children’s small family life.
Some elderly people have strong personalities. They rely on their financial and labor assistance to their children, point fingers at their children's family affairs, or do their own things. However, the living habits and thinking patterns of the two generations are different. If you just come to your children's home to help take care of your children, you should also realize your role and status as an assistant, and do not comment too much or even interfere with the couple's life.
Keep their own boundaries, and even if you live under the same roof, keep a certain distance so that you can live a harmonious and happy life. In this way, the elderly are also likely to be respected by their children.
3. We understand each other.
There are two points mentioned earlier. Many people may say that just asking the elderly, what are you doing as children? I can only say that each other is considerate of each other, understand each other's efforts, and understand their difficulties.
If the elderly help to see their children, it is really hard. As children, they usually speak softly and have a gentle attitude. When it is time to give money, be more generous and consider it in time.
From the perspective of the elderly, I would like to understand the difficulty of children. Even if an ordinary person is in a city, he is only 10,000 or 20,000 yuan a month, but he cannot withstand the living expenses of various housing education and medical care, so he actually has no money left. If a parent doesn’t have the down payment for his or her child to save a house, it’s really difficult to rely on his or her own.
So if you can’t spend too much money, you can work hard. If you can’t make money and work hard, at least don’t make too many mistakes. Take care of yourself and don’t do it, otherwise your child will really have a hard life.
This is just an observation after seeing some things around me and myself.
is saying respecting the elderly and loving the young. It seems that it is difficult for everyone to do. In this world, there are even fewer adults to care for.
