Now we put aside material and spirit, and don’t talk about outlook on life and values. Calm down and think about it carefully. What do you think the world is like from childhood to adulthood? As you grow up, what changes have happened to the world in your eyes? Do you think the world you like now is the world you like?
Take me as an example. As far as I can remember, I live in the countryside, my parents work outside, and my grandfather leads my life. At that time, my world didn’t know what poverty was or what wealth was. I only knew that some people lived in large smooth houses with tiled tiles, while many people lived in tiled houses like me, and they could eat some delicious food for several days during the Chinese New Year. Maybe he was still young at that time and never thought about what would happen in the future. I still remember one day I was lying on the big bluestone at the door of my house, watching the white clouds flying in the sky, would I have a lot of dime when I grew up, so that I could go to the village convenience store at any time, in summer, buy popsicles worth 2 cents, and in winter, and eat candies when lying on the bed. I don’t know what rules are in this world. I just want to find fun things every day. The only thing I am afraid of is the beats and scoldings of adults and the ghosts that may appear at night because they can eat children.
and others start to go to school after they grow up. Of course, I don’t know why I have to go to school, but I just know that there are many friends of the same age there. The teachers in the village school asked us to learn from Lei Feng and told us that we are a good child who is helping others frequently. When we grow up, we can be respected by others. The teacher has also become the person I am afraid of. They are not only adults, but they also supervise you every day. If you do not obey what they say like other classmates, they will speak very seriously and sometimes even have to thug the slap. Newly published books always have some special smell. They seem to come from a distant world. Looking at the illustrations in the books, I often fantasize about the outside world. They must be different from our village. For me, this world is fresh and without many rules. Adults and ghosts restrain us and intimidate us. The only thing that makes us feel ashamed is that we have a good relationship with a female classmate, so that others will say that you are having a relationship between men and women.
As for the intermediate process, I won’t say too much. Most of them are observing the rules of the world, and I am afraid of the punishment brought by breaking the rules, because there are always people who tell you about the unfortunate experiences of some people, and they are all people who break social rules. Until now, I have graduated from college for several years and I still have nothing. I deeply realize that this world is the world of money. If you have money, then the rules in this world can be changed. Even if you can't change them, you can still spend money to solve the consequences of breaking the rules. The worst thing is that I have no money at all, so I have to abide by the rules, otherwise the consequences will be unimaginable. The constraints this rule brings to me are not only behavioral, but also psychological. I began to care more and more about how others view me. If I broke the rules of society and did not become a regular and ordinary person, then I would feel ashamed. So I dare not walk on the street and sing, I dare not tell others that I still have dreams, and I dare not keep staring at girls, because when others know, they will say that you are not right.
I became more and more sensitive, and I could start to feel the temperature of a gust of wind, pay attention to the garbage bags that fluttered in the wind, and they seemed to give me peace of mind. And more often, I am trying to figure out what others and the world think of me, whether I have done something extraordinary, whether I have abide by the rules of this society, and why his eyes look at me are so different, this kind of thing often makes me physically and mentally exhausted. Sometimes I want to break this rule, and I can break this self-restrictive rule without money, so I will watch some movies looking for myself. They ignore the rules and regulations of this world and beat them up when they see people who are unhappy. Even if they can't beat them, they don't care about the opinions of these people. This spirit makes me feel that I can be reborn.
So at this moment the world in my eyes is a rule. This rule is not just a law or society rule. What makes me even more painful is that other people's language, eyes and behavior have become my rules. I always have to abide by the rules of everyone in this world. I am like a person blown into the sky by a tornado. I have no direction in my own way and always worry that I will be killed. I want to return to the ground and be myself down-to-earth, but I am also afraid to return to the ground, because that may mean that I will be covered in bruises.
Now I look up at the sky and I ask myself what the world is like? How can I find my true self? When I find my true self, what will this world become? How can we see the true appearance of this world? Perhaps this is particularly important? Regarding these questions, I seem to have a slowly answer.
