There is a saying that goes, "How can you talk about horse spoon not touch the edge of the pot?" However, touch is touch, so don't get hurt. This is summarized by my husband and I for 20 years of living together. Through the ups and downs along the way, if it weren't for the belief that my husband had always adhered to, we wouldn't have been as happy as we are today.
(I)
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The husband has a rough personality and is tall and tall, so it is difficult for people to associate words such as careful and gentleness with him. At first, our lives were also considered happy, but the occasional minor frictions would make me feel unhappy.
I had a severe cold in the first month after marriage, and my mother-in-law happened to be here. Before going to bed at night, my mother-in-law told him, Xiao Liu has a cold, you go to another house to sleep and stop spreading it to you.
Before getting married, he once told me the story of my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law was an extremely strong woman. She was widowed when she was young. She worked hard to pull her brothers and her husband always respected her very much. So, after my mother-in-law said this, he did as he did and went to another room.
I was very angry and felt wronged. I cried alone in the bedroom all night. The next day, while my mother-in-law was away, I told my husband that it was impossible for my mother to be with you for the rest of my life, but I want to spend my whole life with you. If you are sick, I am afraid of infection and move back to my parents' home, what will you think? I know that you are filial and can understand your mother’s worries and difficulties. You should also be considerate and considerate to me. My husband was stunned, then nodded, thinking that what I said made sense, and apologized to me, saying that he didn't think so much.
(II)
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That night, I heard him and his mother-in-law talking in the living room. He said that Xiao Liu is sick and needs someone to take care of her. I should be with her. Otherwise, no one poured her water if she wanted to drink a sip of water at night. I am kind to her now, so that she can be kind to me in the future and we can be happy... I didn't hear what my mother-in-law said, but that night, my husband moved back to the bedroom to sleep.
Of course, not all problems can be solved in this way. I will always be angry with him because of his carelessness. Later I thought that this marriage might be really not suitable for us. It is enough to fall in love with each other, and there is no need to torture each other like this. So the idea of divorce often comes to my mind.
Less than three months after a quarrel, I wrote a divorce agreement , signed the name, and solemnly handed it over to him. He got angry and tore the agreement to pieces, and he broke the pen and threw it away. This is the first divorce farce I have created, and it ends in this way. But I was still unwilling to give up, and I always felt that this marriage was not as perfect as I longed for.
(III)
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Husband has several fellow villagers who are good at relationships and often get together from time to time. I also participated that time, when we were married for a year.
At the dinner table that day, I found that my husband was actually a very careful person. Seven or eight fellow villagers gathered together. He knew everyone's taste, who likes to eat, and what he didn't like to eat, and he remembered it clearly. Sitting next to him was a female fellow villager who picked up food and poured drinks for her, and took great care of her.
To be honest, I feel very uncomfortable and can be said to be a little jealous. I am his wife, but I have never enjoyed his warmth. I found out that he was not careless, not gentle, not considerate, but was not given to me. This discovery made me feel frustrated, and I basically didn't eat anything for that meal. I don't think I'm the one he cares the most, and if so, he can't be more good to other women than me.
I think, maybe, I'm not the type of woman he likes. We had a quarrel that night, and I told him that I was very sad to see you being so kind to other women. I feel that I am not the one you love the most, let’s get a divorce.
At that time, I was not unreasonable, I really thought that way. Since I am not the person he cares about the most, if I force myself to continue, I may not be happy.
(IV)
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Of course he did not agree to the divorce. He said that it was because he was too familiar with them and had formed the habit of taking care of them, and he would pay attention to the distance in the future. But I insisted on getting a divorce and refused to compromise. My willfulness made my husband sad, and tears burst into his eyes.
He begged, stop saying such sad words, if you say it once, my heart will hurt once. Seeing that he was really sad, I felt a little sad, so I pretended to be relaxed: "What's the point of me? You still have to leave? Isn't divorce very normal?"
He said solemnly: "Marriage is not a joke. It's a big event for a lifetime, a big event for two families. After getting married, it's a family. You are mine, I am yours, I can't separate, I'm buried together even if I die. How can I still get divorced!"
After hearing what he said, I cried and looked at him with tears. He held me tightly in his arms, and this time I finally felt that sense of unparalleled sense of peace.
Since that time, I have controlled my mouth well. No matter what kind of differences and conflicts happen, I will never mention the word divorce again. I tried to get to know him and approach him.
My husband’s only hobby is drinking. When he first got married, he often drank too much, and the most obvious feature of him after getting drunk is talking too much. I attended various parties with him and listened to his "mantra" after drinking. I learned a lot of things that he couldn't say in normal times, and learned about the troubles and confusions he encountered in his work.
Lying on the bed at night, smelling the smell of the banquet processed by his stomach, and listening to his snoring one after another, a sense of happiness unknowingly rose in my heart. Gradually, we talk more, talk more topics, joke more, and our hearts get closer. But there are too many temptations in society now. If you are not careful, all kinds of tests and storms will arise.
(Five)
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When we were married for 7 years, my daughter was just 4 years old at that time. Suddenly one day, I found that my husband had more phone calls. Moreover, his tone when answering the phone was light and soft, the kind of tone that could only be found when people were in good mood, but he certainly didn't realize it. In fact, everyone is like this, and the changes in their hearts may not be the first to be aware of. At first, I ignored him, but I was a little annoyed when I received several calls from the same woman a day.
I asked him, why are he still so busy on holidays? He said that a colleague from the unit beat him. A female colleague called a few phone calls on the off-day and there was nothing important yet, so I started to be suspicious again.
A few days ago, my husband brought back a dozen small clothes to his daughter, one color. Before I could take it seriously at first, I started thinking about it as soon as I had more phone calls. As soon as I asked, it was indeed given by the female colleague who called him. I asked him why she bought clothes for her daughter. He said that she has no children and likes our daughter, so it is normal to buy a piece of clothing.
I was angry, Even if he had no idea about that female colleague, it did not mean that the female colleague had no idea about him. I am not sure what this matter will look like in the future and what consequences will occur. Actually, now that I think about it, I still lack sufficient trust in my husband. But at that time, I didn't realize this.
I lied to him and said, don’t hide it from me, I already know who that woman is, I know where she lives, and I want to find her. Actually, I don’t really want to find that woman. After all, this is a problem between us. I just said this to let him know that this incident hurts me.
His friend came over after hearing the news and learned the details, he also said that what he did was easy to misunderstand. He was anxious and wanted to call the woman over and talk. I heard him call the woman and say, "My wife may go to you, you have to say something, don't exaggerate it." Later, his friend also said that there was no problem judging from his appearance.
After my friend left, I still couldn't let go of this matter. I said, no matter whether you have that or not, I will not live with you anymore, and I feel very disappointed about this.My husband was also worried, and asked how to do it, I could trust him. I said, don't talk to her anymore. My husband agreed immediately.
Actually, I knew at that time that there might be nothing wrong with my husband and that woman, but I don’t think many men can refuse a woman who admires him and admires him. He can remain unmoved for the time being, but there is no guarantee that he will never be moved. To avoid future misfortunes, my best way is to get a divorce.
(Sixth)
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Later, the woman did not call him again, and I also gave away all the children's clothes she bought. Now I know very well that at that time, not only did I not trust my husband, but I was also a little too willful. If it weren't for my husband's plea, if he didn't stick to that relationship, our marriage would have come to an end.
Later, I often read some marriage emotional stories, such as some TV series, emotional confiscation in newspapers, etc. I will learn from those stories and summarize the lessons of their failed marriage. As I grow older and experience grows, I gradually mature.
Maybe I have heard more and read more about the unfortunate marriage stories, but I know how to cherish my existing family. I also understand that every marriage cannot be so pure and flawless. As long as the husband and wife can trust each other and do not give up easily, there will be hope for such a marriage.
Now my husband often tells his relatives and friends who are about to enter the marriage that you must be optimistic and choose well before marriage, and must be well managed after marriage. Humans must be human, not like animals. I agree with
. In fact, if a person's life is calculated based on the life span of 80 years, it is less than 30,000 days. Even if the two get married at the age of 25, half of their working hours, social time, and sleeping time, there are only a handful of time together. Therefore, both husband and wife should cherish the years they spend together.
It is precisely because of my husband's persistence in marriage and not giving up easily that we finally survived one "crisis" and ushered in the happiest time.
(7)
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Gradually, I found more and more advantages from my husband. He put more and more thoughts at home. He often eats outside. If he tastes a delicious dish, he will cook it for me and my children when he comes back, so that it can be delicious and delicious.
He has many social engagements. Before leaving every time, he will prepare the food. I can eat it after I get off work. Every time he goes out for a social event, no matter how late he comes back, I will definitely wait for him. It's too late, I'll call him, remind him to drink less, and I'll wait for him to come back or something like that.
His friends envied him because everyone is in their forties, and their wives rarely call them, even if it is the fierce "chagang" phone number. Therefore, he was also happy after coming back and felt that he was very happy.
That day, my husband went out for a social event and came back before 10 o'clock. At around 10 o'clock in the evening, my daughter also returned home after evening self-study. I couldn't wait to take out the snacks that my husband had specially packed from the hotel for her to eat. My husband and I were on the left and right, and looking at the child’s greedy and satisfied look, it was really a kind of enjoyment.
My husband drank some wine and said a lot. He said to his daughter: "Child, let me tell you the truth. Your mother is such a good woman. She looks very similar to your grandma in many places." As he said that, his voice choked. I was also infected, my eyes were astringent, but I was very happy. I know the status of my husband's deceased mother-in-law in the minds of her husband, which is the highest evaluation he can give me.
I remember that back then, my mother-in-law supported the home alone and letting the children have a full meal was her luxury. In order to have a good way out, my young husband took the money raised by his fellow villagers and hope and dreams and went away, and after many twists and turns, he settled in this city. My mother-in-law passed away, but her extravagant hope was forever frozen in her husband's heart. This may be the reason why he cherishes this family, he cherishes everything he has. It was his persistence that changed me who was a little willful and blindly pursued perfection.
Not long ago, I just celebrated my 42nd birthday, and my daughter and husband created a big surprise for me. They ordered cakes, restaurants, and accompanied me to the karaoke bar to sing. When my mother was alive, she always remembered this day. Now, she has left, but she is still remembered this day, because my daughter remembers it and my husband.
At this age, I am still loved by my husband and I am very happy; at this age, I have more care from my daughter, and I am very intoxicated. I was really crying that day, but my smile was very bright. This year marks the 20th anniversary of our marriage. My husband and I hope we can support each other and welcome our Golden Wedding .
Marriage and Love Navigation:
In fact, marriage is like this. People with different living environments and different personalities come together, and there will always be such differences. Therefore, people use the word running-in to describe the situation in the early stage of marriage.
Doctors pay attention to prescription of the right medicine, and the people say that one thing is to cure another. Indeed, different families and different couples have their own different ways of getting along. These methods cannot be completely copied and imitated by other families, but at least they can give us some inspiration and reference.
If you also have emotional experiences and want to talk and consult, please leave a private message in the background
■Text/Hebei Youth Daily reporter Pi Xueyan
■Editor/Pi Xueyan
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