Some elderly people think that when they are raising their children, they don’t need to negotiate terms with them. They are all their own children. If they care so clearly and have to tell them the conditions, they will not be a family. You should trust your children. Do you think this is right?
But reality is very cruel, even if they are their own children. If you don't tell them the conditions, anything can happen. Especially for the elderly, this is not a good thing, and their later years may not be guaranteed.
So if your child says he wants to take you to his home for retirement, it is still necessary to first explain good conditions to them, otherwise he would rather live alone in his hometown than go to his home for retirement. In such a realistic society today, sometimes it is better to have some things to discuss the conditions first. Don’t be lucky enough to think that your children will be different, but people are the same. I hope all the elderly can understand one thing, even their own children are sometimes unreliable. So it is very necessary to first explain the conditions to them before going to his place to retire.
If we agree on all the conditions in advance and then go to retire, we will be able to move forward and retreat freely, which will also guarantee our later life. Why do you say so? Today, let’s take a look at the story of this aunt in the article. After reading this case story, I also hope that all the elderly can learn from her, and when encountering similar things, they can be as smart as her, and negotiate with their children in advance, and then decide whether to go to the children’s house to support their elderly care.
The son wants to take his mother to take care of his old age. The 72-year-old mother: Yes, but there are 5 conditions. If you agree, go.
Case story sharing: 72-year-old Aunt He.
Hello everyone, my name is He Cuihua. He is 72 years old this year and has a monthly pension of 3,000 yuan. I only have one son, which is what everyone calls the only child.
After working hard for most of the life, I finally stepped down from my unit. I think I can enjoy the peace from now on. It is not easy for me to pull my son alone. My husband died unexpectedly when the child was 10 years old. For the sake of the child, I did not remarry but chose to raise the child alone. I worked hard to provide my child with a good job so that he could have a high income.
A few years after my son started working, he got married. He was still a girl from the city. Later, his son got married naturally. My friends all say that my life will be better in the future, and my son and daughter-in-law will definitely be filial to me. Isn’t everyone raising children all for the sake of having a support when they are old? I think so too. I only have such a son, and I will count on him to retire in the future. Who else can he expect if he doesn't expect? I have been widowed for most of my life for him. Now that my son is married, I am old. He is not responsible for me, who is responsible for me? I will definitely expect him to give me a care for my old age and see me off in the future.
I think of my future retirement life very well, but the reality is a big gap, which is completely different from what I think. Maybe you will say that I am ruthless and have to make provisions when I go to my child’s house to retire, but I don’t think I did anything wrong. Today I will tell you what I am doing. I hope all the elderly can learn from me!
First of all, let’s talk about what I’ve experienced! I once went to my child’s house to support my son. My son’s house has good conditions. He is a technician at the unit. His monthly salary is more than 10,000 yuan. If you add the bonus, it should be 20,000 yuan!
But I was not happy at all at all at my son’s house, where I became a free nanny. Not only did I have to be angry with my grandson and daughter-in-law, but my son even had a bad attitude towards me. They are always picky every day, which makes me feel very wronged. I am old and have worked hard for most of my life. I went to my son's house to support me, thinking that I would live a good life, but I didn't expect it to be like this, suffering and suffering. I couldn't bear it anymore, so I went back to my hometown to live alone!
Maybe you will all say that although we go to the children's home to support our elderly care. But you can't rely on your seniority, just like an old lady, you can't help but feel like you are a lady.I want to say that if you have experienced it personally like me, you will feel the same as me. You would rather live alone than go to the child’s retirement. After
, my son came back and said, "Mom, stop making trouble. You are so old. You don't want to retire from me. Where do you want to retire? Do you want to stay here alone to live? If there is no one around you, what should I do? We are so far away. I don't want to curse you, but I'm not afraid of ten thousand, but I'm afraid of something. I'm really afraid that something will happen to you. How can I explain to my father!"
I He said to his son: "I just said this now, and I realized that I was worried and afraid that something would happen if I lived alone. Why did I go there long ago? Your son and your wife disliked me and that. Why didn't you say anything? I really forgot my mother with my wife. I was in your retirement place, and I didn't eat or drink you for nothing. What's the result? It's better to live alone, why did I go to your retirement place?"
The son said, I didn't do well in the past and ignored your feelings. Now as long as you go to my place to retire, I will be responsible for you. I will take more time to accompany you in the future and I won’t let you do housework. You need whatever you want to eat, tell me. As long as you are willing to go to my place to retire, I will satisfy you in everything else. Hearing this, if it were other old people, they would definitely agree. But I refused my son and went to his place to support him.
After a while, my son came back and said that he would take me to his place to support me. He said, "I don't feel at ease to leave you alone in my hometown, and what will others think of us after seeing it? Others will say that I am unfilial, and you raised me so hard. Now I don't support you and let you be alone in my hometown. I can't bear to worry about my face. Mother, you'd better live at my house."
I was thinking during that time, for myself and for my family. I can promise to go to my son to retire, but I still have to put forward 5 conditions. If I can agree to these 5 conditions, I will go to my son's house to retire. If I don't agree, I would rather live alone in my hometown.
But I can say with certainty that I will never put too much conditions. After all, I want to go to my son to retire, not to be an old lady. I don’t want to be bullied, but I don’t want to be a free nanny. I won’t rely on my seniority, so I will make you embarrassed. But I have to decide some things, and you have no right to interfere with me.
Hearing me say this, my son agreed. He also asked me to give me any advice, as long as I was willing to go to his retirement place, he would listen to me in everything. Because I am his mother, he should obey his son.
I also hope that all the elderly can go to the children to support their children like me. First of all, we must put forward 5 conditions. If the child agrees, he will go to the elderly. If he does not agree, he would rather live alone than go.
Since I asked my child 5 conditions, I have lived in my son much more relaxed and freely. More importantly, I was respected in their residence, and I didn’t feel as humble as before. In the past, those who were doing cows and horses were not valued and were affected by the anger, but now they feel much more comfortable.
also made these 5 conditions so that my children, my wife and grandson can get along well. In the past, I always had a quarrel with them over trivial matters, one small every three days and one big every five days. It makes the family uneasy and the family is very disharmonious.
Since I asked my child 5 conditions, this phenomenon has disappeared. Not only did I get respect, but I also lived comfortably and felt happy. Therefore, when the elderly and their children are raising their elderly care, they should learn to provide conditions in advance and make conditions according to their actual situation. Now let’s talk to you about the 5 conditions I have put forward. With these conditions, I am living a very comfortable life now! Everyone might as well give it a try.
The first condition is that I come here for retirement, not as a free nanny. I can help as much as possible, but don’t expect me to do all the housework!
Is there nothing wrong with saying this? No elderly person has the obligation to be a free nanny when they go to their children's homes for retirement.Although the elderly can help children, they must not let me do everything. I am a lot of age and have limited abilities. When I lived at my child’s house, they expected me to do everything, whether they were going to work or on holidays. They took it for granted that I was so tired that my back was sore.
They told me that we have a rare day off, so you should do the things like washing and cooking. You usually do it, so you can exercise.
I told them that you are resting now. I usually do it. Now that I have time, you should share it, instead of holding a mobile phone and playing games all day long. This is unfair to me, an old man. Besides, I still have to do so many things when I am old. If you have time, it’s my turn to rest. We elderly people also need to have free space for rest, and the elderly also have their own things to do.
But they didn't listen to me, and they still counted on me to do everything. I am tired and angry, so it is not too much for me to put forward such conditions now. I went to the children to support my elderly care, not to help them with their work.
The second condition: I came here to retire, not to do your ATM
Although I have a pension of 3,000 yuan every month, although the money is not easy to make, you are under a lot of pressure. But if you ask me to take care of me, you have to pay me some food, even if it is more or less. Now I hire a nanny, it will be at least 4,000 yuan a month, right? You can't let me contribute money and effort again.
When I was here before, I was not pleased with money and effort. You also dislike me in all kinds of disgusts, living expenses, water and electricity bills, and even the tuition for children. You are under a lot of pressure and have no money on you for the time being, and you say that you will pay me back as soon as you have money.
I have to pay for all the fees, although I have a pension and a deposit. But it won't take long, and I will spend my money. At that time, will my son and daughter-in-law kick me back to my hometown? I really can't imagine it, and I know it in my heart. Besides, my money was not blown by the strong wind. I am going to your retirement school, not as your cash machine. So in order to avoid such a thing happening again, you should bear the expenses you should pay for. I can solve my food expenses by myself, it's fair.
My money will be left to you sooner or later. If you pay money now, then my money will be saved. Isn’t the money yours? So my condition is not too much, I just want a guarantee.
The third condition: I also have my own free space, you cannot interfere.
Although I am here to support you, I will take care of you when I have time. But I also have my own affairs and my own free social circle. For example, I want to go out with my friends, or I want to eat something I want to eat. You cannot interfere with my freedom, I do whatever I want. But there is one thing I can assure you that my affairs will never affect your normal life. I will not implicate you, my freedom is based on the situation that does not affect you.
I have my own freedom in life. Although I come here to support my old age, I still have my own private space. Otherwise, what else would I come here? Do you think so? I can no longer listen to you in everything when I come here like before. I can only go out after you agree. Only when you agree can I do what I want to do. This way I live a painful life without even having any freedom.
I know you are all for my own good and are worried that something will happen to me. But I also need freedom, you can't keep me in captivity all the time. I am an individual and not your pet. I am an adult, so you don’t have to worry about me. I can be responsible for myself and have a sense of my heart when doing anything. You have nothing to worry about.
The fourth requirement: Don’t persuade me to sell my hometown again. This is impossible.
If you have to ask me to sell his house, I would rather live alone in my hometown than come here to support my elderly care. My hometown is my last destination and my last support. If my hometown is gone, how can I return to my roots? How do you live your future life?
If my hometown is still there, I can go back and live at any time. What should I do after I sell it? I really don’t know where to live in the future, so I don’t have to persuade me anymore. No matter what, I will not sell my hometown.
When you lived here before, you came to persuade me with great sincerity. It is useless to say that it is used to keep mice in my hometown. It’s better to cash it out, and it’s safer to hold a sum of money. But you didn't think about it for me. If I really sold my hometown, I would really have no way out.
So this is the fourth request I have made to you, don’t bother to let me sell my hometown anymore. This is impossible. I will never sell my hometown until I have been old for a hundred years. What are you thinking? I knew it clearly in my heart, so I didn’t have the idea of a house, otherwise I would rather live alone in my hometown than be with you.
Whether it is money or a house, it will be left to you sooner or later. You don’t need to be so anxious. You will give it to you when it’s time to give it to you. Now I must keep it in my hometown and wait for when will I die? The house will be handed over to you. Now, don’t persuade me to sell it. I won’t agree with this matter. The more you talk about this matter, the more angry I get!
The fifth requirement, you don’t have to persuade me to hand over my salary card and deposit.
Let me tell you the truth, I not only have a salary card but also have a deposit. The deposit is 200,000 yuan, which is my hard-earned money for the rest of my life. But all my money has nothing to do with you, and I saved it up one by one. If I haven't used up my money yet by the time I die, don't worry, I will leave the money to you. After all, you are my only relatives and my only children. Who else can you give it to if you don’t give it to? But don’t think about it. It is impossible for me to hand over my salary card and deposit in advance. There are too many elderly people who have caused their tragic life in their later years because of this.
Once I hand over my salary card and deposit, what if I have any health. Who else can I rely on? But with this money and salary card, I can relieve you of the pressure. Although I can rely on you, if I have this money, I can also support myself and don’t bother you. With this money, I can live with dignity and live without always looking at my face.
If I hand over my salary card and deposit in advance and I have no money to use it, I have to ask you for it. This would be too embarrassing, so don't persuade me to hand over the money. This is impossible, I will definitely not agree. Only when I return to my old age can you get this money.
is absolutely impossible for me to hand over it in advance now, this is my last guarantee. Although money is not omnipotent, you must not have money.
If you can agree to the above 5 requirements, then I will go to your place to retire. If I don't agree, I will never go there. When I had not stopped these 5 requests before, I lived with you. Only I know the best how much suffering and grievances I have suffered. Not only do you work as a nanny for free, but you also have to pay and work hard, and you are disliked by all kinds of people.
You all take me for granted. I want to say that I will be tired too, let alone that I am very old. Why is my efforts taken for granted, but you can't understand the difficulty of me at all?
I think the 5 conditions I mentioned are not too much. What do you think? If you want to support your child, will you put forward the conditions?
Final conclusion:
I think the aunt’s approach is pretty good. To support her children, issue conditions in advance. If they agree, they will support her. If they don’t agree, they will live alone.These conditions are very real and are guaranteed to yourself. I think all the elderly should learn from the aunts, this method is quite good.
This way, it will avoid many tragedies . These conditions are not only responsible for oneself, but also for the family, and also to ensure that one's own life can be relied on in his later years!
is really a smart old man, and you must put conditions when facing such things. Let me put it this way, many times, many years ago, I asked my parents to come here to be a cow and a horse. Although parents can help their children. But if you treat your parents like this, your parents will be tired and don’t like it. It is not easy for parents to give in their lives, but children do not think from the perspective of others and always think this is a matter of course.
The elderly who want to go to their children's home to support their elderly care, you might as well try this method. Tell the conditions to your children in advance and go to their elderly care only if they agree. If they don't agree, they will live alone. What do you think about this?
