1
"Zhuangzi" says: "Truth is the ultimate sincerity. If you are not serious or sincere, you cannot move people."
Throughout history, people have paid attention to the word "true" when interacting with others. You treat me with sincerity, and I treat you with sincerity.
This is true for friends, lovers, and relatives should be more true for them.
But there are always some people in this world who are confused about being hurt. People who still want to be hurt after hurting their closest relatives still treat her sincerely. It's not sad.
Xiaoli's mother is such a person.
2Xiaoli and her mother have always had neither good nor bad relationships, maintaining a delicate balance. But something that happened two months ago ruined the delicate balance and brought the relationship to freezing point.
Half a year ago, Xiaoli's father passed away. Xiaoli's father was injured when she was young, and she has been working hard since then. She has not been well maintained and her heart function is not very good. She died of a sudden myocardial infarction half a year ago.
Honey husband and mother-in-law followed Xiaoli back to her hometown to help Xiaoli organize Xiaoli’s father’s funeral. After the funeral was held, Xiaoli stayed in her hometown for a few days before going back.
On the night before leaving, Xiaoli's husband suddenly proposed to Xiaoli to take Xiaoli's mother back. Xiaoli originally disagreed, but her husband kept persuading her, and later even her mother-in-law persuaded her. Xiaoli had no choice but to agree.
That's it, the four of them returned to Xiaoli and her husband's new home together.
On the first night of returning home, Xiaoli asked her mother to make do with her in the study room first and then clean up the room for her mother the next day.
Xiaoli's mother was a little unhappy when she heard her daughter let her live in the study. Xiaoli also saw it, but her father's death had a great blow to her, and she was not in the mood to say something to her mother, so she went back to the room.
However, Xiaoli's husband and mother-in-law explained to Xiaoli's mother: Xiaoli is too sad and has no other meaning. Moreover, there is a bed in the study. Although it is not very big, sleeping alone is enough. It's too late today and everyone is tired. I will clean up the room for Xiaoli's mother tomorrow.
Xiaoli’s husband and mother-in-law said this, and Xiaoli’s mother couldn’t say anything. But she felt like an outsider in her heart, and the three of them were a family.
When I was sleeping at night, my husband told Xiaoli that my mother-in-law wanted to move out, but Xiaoli firmly disagreed.
"Why? Why do mom want to move out? You can't let mom move out. Mom is in poor health, can you rest assured if you don't keep it by your side to take care of it? This is not OK, there is no need to discuss it!"
Later, the mother-in-law also talked to Xiaoli about this in person, but Xiaoli still disagreed, and the matter was left unresolved in the end.
Xiaoli's mother lived in the first month, and everyone got along well. During the day, Xiaoli and her husband have to go to work, so their mother-in-law will take Xiaoli's mother around and have dinner together at night, making life warm and happy.
But I don’t know when the relationship between mother-in-law and Xiaoli’s mother began to become a little wrong.
Because Xiaoli found that the atmosphere between her mother-in-law and her mother was a bit subtle. When we were having dinner, my mother-in-law always chatted with her mother enthusiastically, but now the two of them don’t have much chat. Xiaoli was doubtful and planned to ask her mother after dinner.
After dinner, Xiaoli came to her mother's room and asked her if she had a conflict with her mother-in-law. Xiaoli's mother said no, and said that it might be that Xiaoli's mother-in-law was in a bad mood. But I was thinking in my heart: seeing my mother-in-law unhappy, my daughter actually came to question myself, is she her biological mother or her biological mother?
Then, Xiaoli came to her mother-in-law's room and asked her what was wrong with her today and whether her mother-in-law was angry. My mother-in-law said no, it was because she was in a bad mood. Xiaoli asked her mother-in-law why she was in a bad mood, and she made a random excuse and made a mistake.
Although my mother-in-law said it was okay, Xiaoli didn't believe it in her heart. Her mother-in-law knew that she just didn't want to make things difficult for her.Xiaoli felt even more resentful towards her mother.
Days just passed quietly day by day until the time when Xiaoli School was on vacation.
The students are on summer vacation, and Xiaoli, as teachers, is also idle.
During this time of leisure, Xiaoli often took her mother-in-law and mother out shopping, and the three of them went shopping together. My mother-in-law followed them at first, but after a few times, she stopped going. She said that the sun was too strong outside and her body couldn't stand it. Considering her mother-in-law's physical condition, Xiaoli did not force her and reminded her to pay more attention to her health.
As more and more time spent with her mother, Xiaoli found that her mother always complained to her mother-in-law.
At first it was once a week, but later it became a lawsuit against my mother-in-law five times in 3 days. There are many reasons. For example, on such a hot day, my mother-in-law didn't let her turn on the air conditioner, so she wanted to heat her up and drive her away. In order to save some water for them, she took a bucket to collect water. When her mother-in-law saw it, she stopped it and said that she was not good at doing this. I also saw my mother-in-law sneaking into their room, holding something in her hand, maybe she took their money, etc.
Xiaoli felt that her mother was too much, so she told her mother to calm down if she didn't want to be driven away and stop complaining.
From then on, Xiaoli never heard her mother's complaints again, thinking that her mother had calmed down.
However, a week ago, my mother-in-law suddenly told Xiaoli that she was going to move out and her attitude was very firm.
Xiaoli asked her mother-in-law what happened, but her mother-in-law didn't say anything, so Xiaoli went to ask her mother.
Mother was very angry when she saw her daughter coming to question herself again.
"What? Your mother-in-law complained to you? What did you say to me?"
"She didn't! I just came over to ask you what happened!"
"No complaint? Will you come and question me if you don't complain? Or a college teacher? Aren't you gossiping behind your back? Remember, I am your real mother, your mother-in-law is an outsider! Why do you always look at her?"
"I am looking at her, it's because she loves me, what about you?"
it turns out that Xiaoli's mother abandoned the father and daughter when she was four years old and left.
Xiaoli's mother was a famous beauty in the town when she was young, so she has always had a high vision. I don’t like this, nor do I look down on that, but I ended up being left behind and was picked up by Xiaoli’s father.
Xiaoli's father's family conditions are pretty good. After getting married, Xiaoli's mother did nothing and always spent money randomly. The family is supported by Xiaoli's father alone.
When Xiaoli was five years old, her father had a car accident on the way off work and had a limp. Xiaoli's mother saw Xiaoli's father become like this and didn't want to take care of the family, so she said that her father was not worthy of her, and she wanted to find someone who deserved her.
so, Xiaoli's mother abandoned the father and daughter and left.
After Xiaoli's mother left, Xiaoli and her father depended on each other for their lives. Xiaoli is also very successful, has excellent grades, and receives full scholarship every year and is recommended to graduate school.
During her graduate school, Xiaoli met the tutor who gave her mother the warmth, that is, Xiaoli's current mother-in-law. During her studies, my mother-in-law loved her like her mother. After knowing what happened to her, she felt even more sorry for her.
Later, he introduced his son to Xiaoli, and the three of them became a real family.
But because my mother couldn't make it outside, she ran back while Xiaoli was in the first year of graduate school.
things have come to this point, Xiaoli doesn't want to argue with her mother anymore, and gives her two choices, either to calm down, she can continue to live, or she goes back to her hometown.
Xiaoli's mother chose to go back to her hometown.
After Xiaoli's mother returned to her hometown, Xiaoli only went back three or four times a year in addition to making living expenses for her mother every month.
Later, Xiaoli's mother often told people that she regretted it. She shouldn't have abandoned Xiaoli's father and Xiaoli, but what's the use?
3What is the relationship between parents and children? Maybe even sociologists can't explain it clearly.
parents gave birth to us, and when we grow up, it is appropriate to take care of our parents. What should we do if our parents only give birth to infertility?
1. The choice is made by yourself, and the result is to bear the corresponding result after making a choice by yourself. Even if this choice is wrong and the result is painful, you have to bear it yourself.
The world of adults is so cruel. We cannot be like children. Whenever we cry or make a fuss, someone will willingly bear the consequences for them.
What we can do is to estimate risk and measure self-bearing before making a choice. If the risk is too great and you cannot bear it, then give up this choice; if the risk is within your self-bearing ability, then make this choice firmly and never look back.
Sadly, many people never consider the risks of making a choice and whether they can withstand the results of making this choice. When they regret it, they will look for the person who can bear the consequences for them.
Isn’t Xiaoli’s mother like this?
But the result can be imagined. In the adult world, no one is willing to bear your regrets for you.
2. I will treat you as fair as you treat me. It is very fair
Modern society pays attention to fairness, so I will treat others as much as others treat me.
There are some differences between relatives, and the relationship between children and parents is more complicated. It is appropriate for parents to raise their children and children to be filial to their parents, whether in terms of law or morality.
However, filial piety in the new era should not be as important as filial piety in ancient times, but should be mutual respect based on fairness. Children assume the responsibility of taking care of their parents, and parents understand the hardships of their children's lives.
However, some parents still ask their children for their nurturing grace, without considering what they have done before.
What should I do if I encounter such a parent?
fulfills the responsibilities and obligations of care and takes back the true feelings that are not cherished.
text/Wiwen
