Once upon a time, the " Love Psychology " classroom of Wuhan University was extremely popular, and the window was filled with students, reflecting the young students' desire for love and psychological knowledge.
Why is "Love Psychology" so attractive? Just look at the students' feelings after learning:
● I have not met true love yet, but I think true love is far higher than like. At any time, I will think of him and consider him.
●Now I think true love is more about the mutual attraction between two people and the desire to make progress together to become better~
●The long-term love after falling in love at first sight√ Only by combining the two modes can it be easier to encounter true love. If you don’t fall in love at first sight, it is difficult to take the initiative to understand the other person, but the feelings that have no time to settle are just floating on the surface
●Kind secrets and memories. Passion will always disappear, but love will not be extinguished. How many old couples can maintain their passion when they were young? When the passion fades, what keeps their relationship going must be intimate relationships and beautiful memories. If you don’t even have this, you’re probably living a life that’s bound by your family.
●The most important thing is that both of them retain a certain amount of private space, but at the same time, they can trust each other because they have enough understanding of each other.
Psychological knowledge has made students grow a lot, making love more rational and mature, taking fewer detours, and less hurt.
The so-called "love psychology" is based on the basic theory of love psychology , combining the process of falling in love - finding a partner, beginning, end or maintain, etc., to unveil the veil of love layer by layer.
It will tell you a series of questions such as "What is love", "Why do you want to love", and "How to love".
I didn’t expect that there would be such a big problem in love! Psychology discusses love, and love is more interesting.
1. What is a healthy relationship
Professor Yu Feng said:
A healthy relationship is "both can take care of each other rather than selfish, and both consider the binary relationship between themselves and each other, have a feeling of intimacy and mutual commitment, and can always maintain the initial feeling."
can be seen that the healthiest relationship is to care for each other, give and make promises, and always maintain the intimate feeling of mutual appreciation.
Love is fundamentally an intimate relationship established independently, voluntarily and freely in the course of human life.
In this intimate relationship, we admire each other, care for each other, understand each other, help each other, and look forward to keeping our promises and keeping our love forever.
Everyone has two sides. If you give without a corresponding response, you like to control and possess the other person's life; love makes people feel inferior, etc., are all unhealthy romantic relationships.
American psychologist Robert's "Three Factors of Love" is a theory about complete love, that is, "love consists of three elements: intimacy, passion and commitment."
Intimacy is the spiritual understanding of people who love each other, and can share the things deep in their hearts with each other and get support and encouragement from each other.
Passion is attraction, which is the place where you appreciate the other person most or the trait that will impress you most, whether it is intuitive or rational, or external or internal.
promise is a responsibility and a cornerstone for the maintenance or guarantee of love relationships. You are willing to be responsible for each other's relationships, willing to face the future, grow each other, and share weal and woe.
Intimacy, passion, and commitment constitute perfect love, and it is unhealthy to lack any element.
2. Is it love to love?
Wuhan University Professor said: true love is not pure sensibility, "it should not be cognitive dissonance after impulsive selection based on cheap touch. To a certain extent, love is also mutual adaptation, mutual accommodation, and mutual compromise. It is mutual fulfillment rather than blindly giving or gaining."
American psychologist Rubin 's most prestigious research. He believes that liking is different from loving.
Love is an attitude that a person holds towards another specific character, and expresses his thoughts, feelings and behaviors towards the object of love in a special way.
Love has three characteristics: the need for closeness and dependence; the tendency to help the other person; exclusiveness and exclusivity.
and likes mainly two characteristics: they have a sense of the same feeling; they are positive evaluation and respect for each other.
In addition, Rubin also found that the degree of likeness often increases with the increase in the interaction opportunities between the parties, but admiration (especially Romantic love) will gradually fade with time.
Likes have a sense of distance, while love requires closeness. Those who "I love you very much, but I don't want to have sex with you" need to think about whether you have misunderstandings and fears about sex, or whether this "love" is actually not love, but need or like.
3. Love is the pursuit of in-depth interpersonal communication, and romantic relationships are also part of interpersonal relationships.
We yearn for sweet love, but in fact we are also pursuing in-depth interpersonal communication.
In addition to pursuing the width of the relationship, you can also pursue the depth of the relationship. You can pursue more people's likes, and you can also pursue a person's deeper love. This is also one of the meanings of relationships. —— Congfei from
How to establish a deep trust relationship with your lover.
American social psychologists Joseph and Harry believe that the higher the level of self-exposed, the deeper the level of interaction.
Therefore, when interacting with others, don’t hide yourself too deeply and convey your messages and emotions to others more. This will quickly reduce your strangeness to others and increase your sense of peace of mind.
For example, one of the important reasons why extroverts are more likely to make friends than introverts is that they love to show themselves more.
A common misunderstanding in interpersonal communication is: I am afraid to show my true self and think that the other person will quickly stay away after seeing his shortcomings.
But the fact is exactly the opposite. We will hope that our idol will be perfect, but we will never hope that our friends will be like this.
Therefore, don't be afraid to show your true side, even if it has many shortcomings, because the other party will think that you are frank and sincere enough, and willing to continue with you in-depth.
Interpersonal relationships are influenced by individual experiences and experiences, and attachment research is one of the hottest research areas in interpersonal relationship science.
Interpersonal relationship expert Bartholomew believes that adults have four types of attachment: security type, obsession type, fear type, and alienation type.
secure , it is easy to get close to others in terms of emotions. Whether you rely on others or be dependent, you feel at ease. Don't worry about being alone or not being accepted by others.
obsessive , hoping to invest all your feelings in intimate relationships, but often find that they are not willing to develop the relationship to as close as they expect. I was upset by not having intimacy, and sometimes I was worried that my partner wouldn’t look at me like I valued him.
fear type , intimate contact with others makes me uneasy. I long for intimate relationships emotionally, but it is difficult to fully trust others or rely on others. Worrying that you will be hurt if you become too close to others.
alienation type , even without intimate relationships, peace of mind. For me, independence and self-sufficiency are more important. I don’t like someone to rely on myself and myself to rely on others, and I like to be self-reliant.
Which one do you belong to? Each one represents your interpersonal direction and ability.
Conclusion :
"Love Psychology" has rich and colorful knowledge. If you are exposed to more psychological knowledge, you will improve the ability of love and learn the art of love. In the words of a professor at Wuhan University:
"It is very important to have love. It is equally important to maintain a love, and then we should also have the ability to end this love." Love slipped away, but it left beautiful memories and truly improved our ability to build interpersonal relationships. #Telebrity Creation Challenge#
