text\Mo Xiaoxuan, Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
Qing Dynasty Zhu Yongchun said in "Maxims of Family Management":
"Be careful of talking too much in dealing with the world, and more words will lead to mistakes."
Many famous people emphasize the importance of speaking when educating their younger generations, especially "be careful of talking too much".
Zeng Guofan is known as the "Four Famous Ministers of the Late Qing Dynasty" and has always been regarded as a role model for learning, but he has also suffered the loss of not being able to speak.
In the early days, Zeng Guofan had just entered the court as an official and felt arrogant and talked to his friends at will, which made his friends unhappy and almost got into evil with him.
Later he spent a lot of time apologizing, which eased the relationship.
Inappropriate words can make friends unhappy, let alone get along with people with average relationships?
In the fast-paced life, we cannot have enough time to have a deep friendship with everyone.
Speaking became the first business card to get along with others.
People who can speak make people feel like spring breeze; people who can't speak only make people want to stay away.
If you want to gain the favor of others and quickly establish a relationship with others, remember, never say these 3 sentences.
01 gossip about right and wrong
In life, many people get together and talk about the trivialities of family matters, and bring them into their "intimacy" by talking about this kind of thing.
It doesn’t matter if you talk about trivial things in your daily life. The most important thing is that you cannot talk about gossip about the right and wrong of others.
There is a question on Zhihu:
"What kind of mentality does someone who is messing around and loves to gossip about others?"
has a very praiseworthy answer, saying:
" in the world does not have an airtight wall . This kind of person's character is really bad. "
Everyone hates being gossiped about by others. When you think you have brought the "intimacy" closer, you don't know that you have been guarded by others.
There is an acquaintance in the community. His condition is a bit abnormal in recent days. The neighborhood aunt is very worried about her family and often cares about her.
Acquaintances have always been grateful to the aunt for their concern. However, over time, it was reported that the acquaintance was abnormal because of her husband's cheating and the relationship between the couple had problems. The incident of
was rumored in the community. Later, the acquaintance was asked by the neighbors, and then the rumor was angrily dispelled. There was nothing happening to him. Then the acquaintance began to investigate. Who made the rumor? After searching, I realized that it was all the gossiping aunts who like to talk nonsense.
After many people found out, they stayed away from the aunt. Not long after, the aunt couldn't continue working in the neighborhood committee, because who wanted to work with a person who always loves to gossip?
"Gombling" outside will make others want to stay away from you, and inside, it may cause indelible harm. In the popular drama " Xinju ", Gu Qingyu is worried about his sister-in-law Feng Xiaoqin and often closes the door and discusses Feng Xiaoqin's problems with his younger brother Gu Lei.
Once when Feng Xiaoqin was trying to buy a house, Gu Qingyu asked Gu Lei to be careful of Feng Xiaoqin. Unfortunately, Feng Xiaoqin heard this conversation and she ran away in anger, which directly led to Gu Lei, who was chasing her, falling from the building and dead.
The originally harmonious family turned into a tragedy in the gossip about right and wrong.
02 Sneaks full of negative energy
Xianglin Sao in Lu Xun's novel " Blessings ", is a very pitiful character, but at the same time she is also a complaining person.
Xianglin Sao is a female worker in the family of Master Lu Si. Her husband died early. Although she was widowed early, she did not give up the hope of life. She actively worked every day to please Mrs. Lu Si. Although her life was hard, she was still full of hope.
At that time, Xianglin Sao won the love of Master Lu Si because of her diligence and ability.
Who knew that the good times would not last long. Xianglin's evil mother-in-law sold her to He Laoliu. He Laoliu was honest and willing to work hard. The two of them also gave birth to a son.
I thought fate was still very kind to her, but He Laoliu was exhausted to raise money to pay off his debts. His son was also taken away by a wolf, and Xianglin Sao was driven out by a clan.
Xianglin Sao returned to Master Lu Si's house to help. Although Master Lu Si looked at her pitiful, he did not take her in because of her bad luck.
But after suffering from fate, she lost hope of life and complained about the injustice of fate when she saw everyone.
At first, people sympathized with her. After a long time, people began to feel that Xianglin Sao’s complaints were really annoying. People transform from sympathy at the beginning to boredom, slowly starting to stay away from her.
Why do people want to stay away from people with negative energy?
Because when you keep conveying negative energy emotions, others will also be affected invisibly.
We can imagine that when you have someone around you who sighs there every day as soon as you go to work, will you be affected and will sigh unconsciously invisibly. This is the potential force of negative energy.
See this sentence:
"Growth is the process of muting the crying sound."
Everyone has unhappy times in their lives. When they have emotions, they can communicate with others, but we need to learn to self-regulate our emotions.
Sometimes it’s not that people can’t empathize with , but that they are also afraid of being surrounded by negative energy.
There is a saying in "The World of No Complaints":
"Complaints are the culprit of corroding relationships."
If complaining becomes the main theme of life, not only will you be swallowed by negative energy, but others will also involuntarily want to stay away from you.
Wait for you to look back and find that the people you are close to have already left you. How sad it is.
03 Proud and complacent talk
During the Three Kingdoms period, there was a man named Peng Yi. He was praised as a military genius by Liu Bei , but he was disliked by Zhuge Liang and was executed because of his arrogance.
Peng Yi was not favored at first with Liu Zhang. He accidentally got to know Pang Tong . After the conversation, Pang Tong discovered Peng Li's talent and recommended him to Liu Bei.
Liu Bei highly appreciated Peng Yi's ability to do things and promoted him to a senior official in the governor of a state. He was already arrogant and did not restrain himself after his promotion.
Zhuge Liang felt that this person was so arrogant and did not look like a reliable person. So he repeatedly reminded Liu Bei to pay more attention to Peng Wei, in case he did the wrong thing because of his pride and complacent.
Liu Bei trusted Zhuge Liang and paid more attention to Peng Yi. When he saw Peng Yi omissions, he demoted him. In the end, Peng Yi was executed because of his pride and complacent words.
When Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang were in need of talents when they were reviving the Han Dynasty, why did they treat Peng Yi like this?
Because those who seek big things like reliable people.
There are countless defeats in history because of pride and complacent, such as: Overlord Xiang Yu , who committed suicide by pride and complacent; Wu Fuchai , who died because of pride and underestimation of the enemy Wu ... These people are essentially not reliable.
Buffett once said:
"Reliability is a better quality than smartness."
Everyone hopes to do things with reliable people; leaders hope to give things to reliable people, so that they can save worry; we also hope to cooperate with reliable people so that they can worry less.
Then stop talking about pride and complacent words, be a reliable and humble person, this is everyone's lifelong practice.
04. Mei Niang said:
Huang Zhizhong once said:
"The troubles in life, after all, the problems lie in interpersonal relationships. After all, the troubles in interpersonal relationships, nine out of ten are all due to communication problems."
And a person's way of speaking determines the direction of interpersonal relationships.
As a person, no matter who he is with, you must grasp the degree of speaking.
Do not talk about gossip about right and wrong, use details to show your character;
Do not talk about negative energy complaints, use emotional stability to make good relationships;
Do not talk about pride and complacent words, use humility and reliability to attract people who truly appreciate you.
In this way, your life will be half won.
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