When you feel tired, tired, and don’t know how to go on in your marriage, perhaps this means that your marriage has entered a period of burnout.
According to surveys, in every 10 marriages, three marriages are experiencing burnout periods, and the occurrence of burnout periods is not directly related to the length of marriage. Some couples may only appear after 10 or 20 years of marriage, but some couples may appear after 2 or 3 years of marriage.
So whether the marriage will enter a burnout period is mainly due to whether the interaction between the couple is positive. To a large extent, if the interaction pattern between each other is more positive than negative, it is easy to pass through the period of marriage burnout and the couple successfully enters the next stage, but in contrast, the marriage will directly go on the road to end.
So which are the most common negative interaction patterns in marriage? How can we increase positive interactions and bring this relationship back on track?
In many cases of marriage consultation, I have summarized the 5 most common negative interactions in marriage.
first, deliberately avoiding.
When encountering various problems in marriage, it is easy to avoid problems that arise because you do not take precautions in advance and you do not have the ability to solve problems at all.
In the eyes of many people, avoidance is much easier than actively solving it, because avoidance only requires oneself not to come forward and leave the others to the other party, but this is completely an irresponsible behavior. When the other party gradually avoids the problem in marriage and never summarizes the causes and solutions of the problem, then in the end he can only push all the contradictions on you and completely clear his responsibilities in this marriage.
The avoidance may be to think better about the problem, but deliberate avoidance is different, because it is easy to cause the interactive mode of "you chase him and escape". When you keep chasing the other party to solve the problem, the other party's reaction can only escape the disaster. Then one or two problems cannot be solved, and they can only accumulate there, which will eventually lead to the extreme of the relationship.
Second, argue for right or wrong.
Most of the time, the reason why two people cause more serious quarrels is actually starting from arguing about right and wrong. When everyone feels that their views are correct and the other party’s views are wrong, the other party must follow their own ideas. In many things, the two people cannot think from the perspective of others at all, and even impose their ideas on the other party, which invisibly puts a lot of pressure on the relationship.
Please understand this point. A husband-wife relationship is never maintained by arguing right or wrong. Sometimes the more serious you are, the more likely you are to ignore your partner’s feelings, and it is difficult to investigate the causes and consequences of the whole thing. Such communication will lose its meaning, making each other disappointed in the relationship, and then let the marriage burnout period arrive early.
3, unreasonable accusations.
When you are defined by your partner and are criticized by the other party for being unreasonably, the first thing you feel is that you are unhappy. What follows is a conflict with the other party, because from your own perspective, you feel that the other party’s unreasonable accusation has insulted your personality and destroyed your self-esteem, so you need to seek justice for yourself.
If you treat the other party like this, then the other party may also take the same approach to fight back against you, because no one can withstand this unreasonable accusation. This unreasonable accusation is essentially distrust of the partner, and due to distrust, this can lead to more problems.
Fourth, complaining all the time.
complaining is a very serious negative energy.When both parties are dissatisfied with each other and are dissatisfied with life, you will habitually vent all negative emotions. Once these negative emotions accumulate, they will form psychological hints, and you will feel more and more that "the other party cannot do it" or "you cannot do it".
And if you complain more often, it will slowly affect the people around you, allowing the people around you to gradually feel the depressed family atmosphere, and you will lose hope for your marriage life with you.
In the American movie " The Lost Lover ", the hero has a classic line: Yes, I have loved you. But what we did later was to resent and control each other, and all we could bring was pain.
So complaining cannot solve the problem, and only endless harm will be caused to each other.
Fifth, lack of intimate contact.
In the interaction between husband and wife, intimate contact is essential, but in real life, many couples are more repulsive of intimate contact because they have been together for too long and have accumulated too many conflicts. For example, the most common kind of holding hands, hugging and kissing, which may not have happened in the process of getting along with each other for a long time, and even X lives are only a handful.
In fact, intimate contact between husband and wife can drive the emotions of two people. Sometimes giving each other a hug or a kiss can resolve all the unhappiness you encounter, and can also make both parties feel that this marriage is warm. Everyone needs love and even more intimacy. With these connections, the cold marriage can be saved.
So how should we reduce these behaviors that destroy marriage, increase positive interactions between each other, and get both parties out of the period of marriage burnout and get back on track?
First of all, marriage does not mean family affection, don’t treat your lover as a relative.
In life, we will play many roles, we are lovers, mothers, daughters or daughters-in-law. Among them, the rest can be said to be family relationships, but only the role of lovers, I do not recommend treating lovers as relatives.
These two feeling are completely different, which is why many couples enter the period of marriage burnout early. I think a large part of the reason is that you have turned love into family affection. In the process of moving towards family affection, you ignore what you should pay attention to when getting along, because the more you treat each other as a relative, the more you will become casual. After becoming a relative, you will make do with each other, and you will no longer feel fresh and mysterious when you were in love. For this reason, you are unwilling to devote time and energy to attract your partner's attention again.
So you must remember that there can be many relatives, but there is only one lover. Don’t treat your partner as relatives. After you realize this, I hope to reawaken each other’s sense of responsibility in marriage from now on. You must keep a certain distance from your lover and leave a little mystery, and also pay attention to each other’s feelings to maintain this marriage together.
Secondly, communicate honestly and express your needs bravely.
In marriage, all communication is to solve problems, not to create conflicts again. Therefore, when communicating, remember to think from the perspective of others. In addition to thinking about problems from your own perspective, you should also stand from the other party's perspective and guess why the other party has those thoughts that you cannot accept.
Even if you disagree with the other party's views, you must admit that the other party has the right to think so. Then when you understand this, you will not rush to refute the other party, and will not care about who is right or who is wrong, but will maintain a calm mind and truly communicate with the other party.
Only after establishing an equal communication mechanism can you better express your needs. Only by expressing your thoughts in detail can you let the other party feel the most true feelings in your heart.
The purpose of expressing your needs bravely is to make your relationship closer to each other. After the relationship is gradually relieved to a certain extent, the other party will be affected by your behavior, and he will gradually feel the importance of correct communication.
Of course, in the whole process, the way of communication is important, and attitude is also important. We must learn to be honest with each other, and not hide it. We should treat every communication with a positive attitude and express love. This will be of great help to enhance the relationship between husband and wife.
In fact, many problems in marriage require good communication. Only through communication can we find the key to the problem. When you fully understand yourself and the other person’s thoughts, the other person will definitely give you the most positive feedback.
Finally, keep consistency and find common ground.
The best husband and wife relationship is that they can maintain independence, but they need to maintain consistency. First, maintain spiritual and economic independence, and do not rely too much on their partners. In addition, in the process of maintaining the family, some views and ideas need to be consistent, because the two people need to have common points to increase topics and seek more opportunities to manage their marriage.
For example, couples should have more spiritual resonance, so that when encountering the same problem, their ideas can be consistent and avoid more conflicts.
Another example is to find hobbies that both parties are interested in. In cultivating common hobbies, you can re-understand each other and add a little fun to life.
Couples try new things together and explore new ways of getting along together. This can largely end the burnout period of marriage, because love can flow. When you no longer ignore the problems that arise in marriage, start to pay attention to each other's feelings, and make changes to yourself, love will reappear in your married life.
Then when you realize that something is wrong with your marriage, you must not choose to escape. The occurrence of emotional problems is not as complicated as we imagined. Master some skills and change the way you get along with each other again. Perhaps the marriage life you are looking forward to will come.
