There was a hot question on Zhihu: "What is a person's top personal charm?"
has a highly praised answer: "Everything has explanations, every thing has a conclusion, everything has an echo."


in the final analysis is two words: reliable. It sounds simple to say, but complicated to fall into it; it sounds like a feeling, but it is a principle to do it.
Mother-in-law assesses son-in-law, boss reviews employees, and asks acquaintances to do things. Generally, they have to ask in their hearts: Is this person reliable?
is reliable, this word contains almost all our sense of trust.
So what kind of person can be called reliable?

Reliable people, down-to-earth, steady, and give people a sense of security
If you want to ask what a person's greatest sense of security is, I believe that many people's first reaction is money.
But no matter how much money is, if there is no reliable person around you, what can you use to fill the gap in your heart?
Reliable people are like umbrellas when it rains and lights when it dark. Whether you look or not, it's there. And he must be there when you need him.
No matter how storms there are on the road of life, no one who is responsible and reliable will be afraid.
When difficulties come, they can always be at ease and make people feel more at ease.

Reliable people, promises are not light, Xu Bijian
There is a story in the book "Send Letter to Garcia":
In Spanish-American War , the US President has a letter that urgently needs to be delivered to Garcia, the Allied General of Cuba . But Garcia was fighting in the jungle, and no one knew where he was.
A lieutenant named Luo Wen stood up without shirking his responsibilities or giving any conditions.
He was in danger, went through hardships, overcame all kinds of difficulties, and after three weeks of hiking, he finally handed the letter to Garcia.
Reliable people will not make promises easily, but once they agree, they will definitely do it.
Maybe, smart people walk fast.
However, only reliable people can go further.
People who can truly live a good life are not just a little cleverness, but a real sense of reliability.

Give your shoulders during wind and rain, and applaud you when the sun is good.
A truly reliable person will stand from the perspective of others, understand what he thinks, and respond reasonably based on his emotions.
Reliable people, humble and low-key in dealing with people
Someone asked the great philosopher Socrates : "It is said that you are the most knowledgeable person in the world, so I would like to ask a question: Please tell me, what is the height between heaven and earth?"
Socrates replied with a smile: "Three feet!"
"Nonsense, each of us has four or five feet high, and the height between heaven and earth is only If there are three feet, then the man has poked many holes into the sky? "

Socrates smiled and said, "So, if anyone who has a height of more than three feet can stand between heaven and earth for a long time, he must know how to bow his head!"
The old saying goes: There are people outside people and mountains outside the mountains. No matter how smart people are, they may not be able to do anything; but reliable people can often stand in an invincible place.
In them, you can’t see arrogance, and you won’t talk big. They are always humble and low-key in dealing with people.
In this life, it is not rare for people to meet lovers or friends. What is rare is to meet reliable people.

Mr. Li Ka-shing once said: "You need to find reliable people when doing things, and smart people can only chat."
Reliability is a scarce quality. It often comes with a security attribute. When dealing with reliable people, you don't have to doubt or worry, or be worried. There is a kind of down-to-earth that comes from the heart and is particularly at ease.
There are dangerous shoals everywhere on the road of life. Being able to be with reliable people is your greatest blessing. If you don’t have a long life, you must walk with reliable people.
Looking back on the years, who is the most reliable person around you?

When you are with sunny people, your heart will not be dark; when you are with happy people, your mouth will always have a smile; when you are with enterprising people, your actions will not be backward; when you are with generous people, your actions will not be stingy; when you are with wise people, your actions will not be confused; when you are with calm people, your behavior will not be reckless; when you are with good teachers, your knowledge and blessings will increase. A good life is: learn from the best others and be the best self!

What is education? It is an excellent moral character developed since childhood. Abide by agreements and being punctual is not only a kind of respect for others, but also a good reflection of a person's upbringing.
Since ancient times, time has been what people value the most, and the abiding by time agreements is the most valued. Only by learning to abide by time can we keep mutual trust. If you don’t have the concept of time and never keep your promises, you are quite uneducated to others. Such people usually don’t have any good popularity.

Another manifestation of being educated is that you will consider the problem from the perspective of others. As an ordinary public in society, we always enjoy the help and care from others, and we must also understand and help others. Only those selfish people do not know how to be considerate of others, while those who are self-centered for a long time often lose many opportunities invisibly and cannot go further.

0 The uneducated population is unobstructed and does not understand etiquette. Many people like to chat and laugh, but they regard exposing other people’s misfortunes as an interesting thing to tell them, embarrass others and have no way to go. People like
always make people feel that they have no tutors and do not know how to be a human being. In fact, making jokes appropriately is a kind of humor, but when jokes are separated from principles and bottom lines, it will be very annoying. If you have such people around you, be sure to stay away as soon as possible!

Listening is a manifestation of a person's cultivation. It is very impolite to a person who is uneducated to respect others. Easily denying others is not only a blow to the other party and makes the other party feel disgusted with you, but also a telling others that you have a very low level.

People with tutors know that too much will lead to mistakes. Being responsible for yourself and one must also be responsible for what you say. It is a manifestation of moral lowliness to argue about right and wrong behind others. Everyone lives in a group society, and being able to get along well with others is a compulsory course for one person. Our words and deeds reflect our character everywhere.
So, stay away from those in life who like to treat others as topics of conversation, because in their mouths, you are likely to face the same embarrassing situation!

The Tao Te Ching says: There are no relatives in the way of heaven, and you will always be with good people.
God does not distinguish between relatives and alienation, and often favors kind people.
A person’s blessing will not be obtained out of thin air, nor will it be lost out of thin air.
All the blessings in the world are the kindness, hard work, good mentality and all good habits you have accumulated.

0 The ancients often said: Life is not satisfactory, eight out of ten. It is the norm in life to seek but not get it.
Confucius 7 traveled around the country and promoted his doctrine. After all the hardships, he was as anxious as a dog who was strayed from a family. When he was old, no one was willing to accept his doctrine. However, he was happy and forgot his worries, not knowing that old age is coming. Writing books and establishing teachings, educating disciples, creating schools, and blessings for a lifetime.
Sunlight and shadows are born together. Everything will be reversed if it is extreme. If it is extreme, it will come. Don’t be arrogant when you are successful in life, and don’t be discouraged when you are disappointed in life.
Keep a normal mind, work hard to move forward, and take one step at a time. As long as you are willing to do it, time will always give you the answer.

Zeng Guofan said: There are only two things in life that are reliable, one is to improve virtue and the other is to cultivate one's career. Both of these require unremitting efforts.
There are many smart people in this world, but it is rare to find a career.Only by being smart + diligent can one barely reach that threshold.
No life is easy.
In his later years, Zeng Guofan was still learning mathematics and chemistry in order to create the Westernization Affairs Office, and worked tirelessly and day and night. Confucius learned the piano from the teacher of , and he repeatedly honed a piece of music, no less than dozens of times until he understood the spirit.
Live until old, learn until old, live until old, and strive until old. Only by constantly working hard can you truly become yourself and achieve yourself.
Use diligence and sweat to travel through the night and endure the ups and downs and pains of life, so as to usher in the dawn before dawn.

A person’s heart is the appearance. He is mean inside and has a hideous face; he is kind inside and amiable.
Be kind to others, help others, be happy and rich in your heart. In the long run, your mentality will become temperament and then your appearance.
A kind person has a kind of affinity, which makes people willing to help him. Such a person will naturally be blessed.
A kind person feels unbearable. He will never break through the bottom line and do things that harm society, and naturally will not cause disaster.
Zengzi once said: If a person likes good deeds, even if the blessing has not arrived, the disaster will be far away.
It is better to keep kindness than to pray to God. Kindness is the best amulet.
Kindness is the nobleness and perseverance in the heart. It is a frank and open manner that is worthy of the sky and is unyielding. Being a good person has a beautiful world in your heart, this is the greatest blessing to be a good person.

No matter how much you make sense, you won’t be able to live your life well. Because no matter how many reasons are, it is someone else's. Only by turning the truth into action and developing the habit of action can life truly change.
We often talk about children's education now, and the most important thing is to help children develop good habits.
Habits are the best way to overcome laziness.
Many excellent people are not because of their perseverance and talent, but because they have developed many good habits when they were very young.
Wang Yangming said: It is difficult to overcome habits by changing temperament.
To change a person and his temperament, the most important thing is to develop good habits. Habits will become a person's character and thus a person's destiny.
Gathering sand into a tower, and gathering armpits into fur. Although the sand is small, it can become a mountain and a tower with too much; although the fur under the fox's armpits is small, it can become a fur if it accumulates a lot.
The greatest power of habit lies in this. Although every change is small, it cannot withstand it day and night, and it is endless.
When you have one good habit after another, your life will naturally become better and better.

Some people are destined to be cancer in your life, while others are just a sneeze.
Life is like a train. As we move forward, some people come up and some people go down. The person you thought you could accompany you for the rest of your life, but in the end you got off the bus unexpectedly, leaving you alone in the place without looking back, looking at the scenery alone. You and him have since become the most familiar stranger.

I have heard a sentence, which is very real and cruel:
When we were 20 years old, we were concerned about what others thought of us; when we were 40 years old, we ignored what others thought of us; when we were 60 years old, we found that others did not think of us at all.
One of the signs of a person's maturity is that it is understandable that 99% of the things that happen to you every day are meaningless to others.
The famous performing artist Ying Ruocheng grew up in a big family, and every time they eat, dozens of people sit in a big restaurant.
Once he had a sudden idea and decided to joke with everyone, hide himself in the cabinet in the dining room, imagining the tension and panic when everyone could not find themselves. However, no matter how close relatives and friends were, they all left after drinking and eating, and no one noticed his absence.

Hungry and depressed, he was like an eggplant beaten by frost, and could only walk out of the cabinet in shame and eat some leftovers.
Since then, Ying Ruocheng has told himself: Never overestimate your relationship with anyone, otherwise you will be disappointed.
Russell once said: "In all interactions with others, even those closest to you, we should realize that they look at life from their own perspective, and touch their selves, not from your perspective, from your selves.

should not expect anyone to change his life for the sake of another person's life."
Everyone is an independent individual after all.
No matter what relationship or status you are in, don’t take yourself too seriously. No one in this world cannot live without anyone. Sometimes, just turn around and become strangers. Instead of tangling with your relationship with anyone, it is better to learn to live your own life.
The best mentality for people to get along with each other is: be as close and alienated as fate, love and hate as you like.

Some time ago, I watched an interview with Ang Lee . Lu Yu asked Ang Lee: What is your greatest happiness at this stage?
Ang Lee replied: My wife can smile at me, so I will relax a little and feel very happy.
Lu Yu thought his wife was very strict, and Ang Lee hurriedly explained: "My wife is a very cute woman, but I became a father and a gentleman of others. This does not mean that I can naturally get their respect. You still have to earn their respect every day. This is why I have never slacked off."
There are too many people in real life who always overestimate marriage, parent-child relationship, and lover relationship, and unconsciously regard this as a bargaining chip that can be unscrupulous.
I feel that as a husband, the wife takes care of herself as a matter of course; as a father, the child should respect herself as a matter of course; when in love, the lover should take it as a matter of course.

But there is nothing in this world that we can take for granted.
So, when dealing with any relationship, you must maintain a "humble heart" and don't take everything for granted. When we lower our expectations for each relationship, we can actually gain unexpected joy.
"I thought he wouldn't help me, but he actually lends a helping hand. I'm so happy."
"He actually doesn't have to be so kind to me, but he is willing to take care of me, and I have to be kind to him."
"He has no obligation to tolerate my unreasonable trouble, but he comes to coax me every time, so happy."


The world is unfair, so don't expect every effort to get corresponding rewards. Put your mind flat and lower your expectations, and you will find that our lives and relationships between people will become more peaceful, and will reduce a lot of harm and sadness.
is known as the father of Americans Franklin . When he was young, he visited a senior. He was young and promising. He raised his chest and took big steps, and when he entered the door, he bumped into the door frame.
, who greeted his senior, saw this scene, smiled and said, "It hurts a lot! But this will be the biggest gain of your visit today.
If a person wants to live in the world safely, he must always remember to bow his head."

Everyone has more or less worthy of pride, but we cannot infinitely raise ourselves and then fall into a state of blind arrogance.
Mo Yan After winning the Nobel Prize in Literature, there were various comments.
But facing the crowded flashes, he always looked humble: "At first, I thought that the object of controversy was me. Gradually, I felt that the object of controversy was a person who had nothing to do with me.
I was like a theater audience. Looking at the performance of everyone, I saw that the winner was covered with flowers, and was thrown on stones and splashed with sewage. I was afraid that he would be defeated.

But he smiled and drilled out of the flowers and stones, wiped away the dirty water on his body, and stood aside calmly."
As the saying goes, the green mountains outside the mountain are higher than the other mountain.Only by putting aside the lofty heart and learning to look down on yourself can you always reflect on yourself and make continuous progress.
As a human being, don’t take yourself too seriously. When you let go of yourself, you will see the endless starry sky. Don’t overestimate interpersonal relationships and don’t underestimate the rules of human nature. Always be humble, don’t take everything for granted, and live your life with truly advanced ways of living.
