The reader wrote to me and said:
I work in a public institution. Although I am not the top leader of the unit, I still have some titles. In the sixth year of marriage with my wife, I met a girl I particularly like. In this case, I betrayed my marriage. After the incident, facing my wife's humiliation, condemnation, and madness, my attitude was: Since I was dirty in your perception, let's get divorced. However, my wife did not agree to divorce me, but she was unwilling to live with me with peace of mind, and often criticized me.
After all, my wife and I have accumulated feelings, so I am unwilling to face the reality of divorce. It’s just that my wife’s unyielding lifestyle during her post-infidelity period made me feel a little unbearable. Whenever my wife shows a "resentful woman" in front of me, I will unconsciously contact a third party. This led to my relationship with my wife entering a vicious cycle. Later, my wife was so angry that she reported me with her real name.
Now, I have been dismissed from public office. Faced with such a result, I hate my wife very much. After I lost my job, my wife's attitude towards me: she still doesn't want to divorce me. My lover no longer had any form of contact with me because I lost my job.
Back then, my wife and I fell in love freely and got married. During our relationship, we were actually quite loving, but after we got married, my wife was very unfriendly to my parents and was more powerful in her marriage life, which led to me feeling very depressed more often. During this period, I often reminded myself: Many married men around me may be in the same situation as mine. So much so that most of the time, I show a state of tolerance in front of my wife. Until the girl I liked appeared, I had the idea of betraying my marriage. I also know that such behavior is wrong, but during my dating with my lover, I was really much happier.
Now, looking back at the various experiences during this period, I realize that my lover is just a false thought to me, but my relationship with my wife cannot go back to the past.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
Do you think your wife should not report to you with your real name? You know, your wife really has no choice but to do something that she regrets very much now. Although you cannot compliment your wife's behavior, at least she is still the one who loves you. On the other hand, the lover is unwilling to interact with you after you lose your job. It is clear who loves you. I think, as an adult, you should bear the consequences for your actions: If you did not betray your marriage, will your wife report it to you by your real name? The road ahead is still long. Although you lose your public position, you can still choose to work in a private enterprise or do business. What I still want to tell you is: At this critical moment, your wife is still unwilling to divorce you because she really loves you.
Of course, marriage is just a choice. If you really can't let go of the fact that your wife reported it to you by her real name, causing you to lose your job, you can firmly up your idea of divorce. After all, you chose to cheat within marriage not only because you couldn't resist the temptation of your lover, but also because your wife's long-term strength and unfriendliness to your parents, which made you feel depressed in this relationship. In fact, running a marriage also requires certain strategies. It is not ruled out that some people do not have a second intention to their lover, but because they love each other in the wrong way, it is difficult for couples to have happiness. The unhappiness of the marriage at this moment is not only because of your cheating during marriage, but also because your wife’s improper way of managing the marriage.
4 suggestions on the management of marriage:
1) Whether it is the marriage result formed by free love or the marriage result formed by blind date, at least during the relationship, each other's software and hardware conditions are relatively recognized. After getting married, never complain about your lover frequently, especially about your lover's ability to make money. One thing should be clear: before you met your lover, you might have found someone with a very powerful ability to make money as your marriage partner, but the person who makes money will not look down on you at all. It means that the person who holds hands with you is the one who is the best for you.In the process of running a marriage, you should encourage your lover more and less picky, which may make your lover more attentive at work when you are in a comfortable mood, rather than using your frequent denial of your lover to attack your lover's self-confidence.
2) The parents of a lover are close relatives who will never draw a clear line in their lives. In most cases, the lover does not ask you to be so friendly to his close relatives, at least not to show a mean attitude. In our country's system of dealing with people and people, there is a sense of filial piety as the first priority. If your lover is particularly mean to your parents, it will inevitably affect the relationship between the couple. If you are not friendly enough to your lover's parents, even if you are very kind to your lover and your children, it will be difficult for your lover to form a true result of friendship with you. You might as well examine many families around you: How good can the relationship between husband and wife be when the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is relatively poor? Remind everyone: If your parents-in-law do not fall into the category of being generous, please learn to be kind.
3) Although cheating is the top hurt between husband and wife, only a few people betray their marriage because of their fickleness. Many people cheat during marriage because of their strong dissatisfaction with their lovers in their marriage, which makes them find an outlet to vent their vent outside of marriage. Because people hope to be able to perform their needs and respected functions in life. Many men are not too fond of their lovers, nor are they obsessed with the so-called freshness, but they enjoy being with their lovers, and their lovers are more docile about themselves. In the process of managing a marriage, you need to make your lover feel three-pointed and seven-pointed respectful to you, rather than not treating your lover as a human being at all.
4) Marriage is definitely not a product in the safe. The relationship between husband and wife needs to be understood and respected by each other in order to accumulate stronger family affection. When you are more competent in managing your marriage, even if your lover meets the opposite sex he likes outside of marriage, he will think of your goodness and consider the infidelity within marriage. The reason why some people can be relatively at ease in cheating is that they feel that their lover is an incompetent existence at all. When it comes to managing a marriage, you must learn to think from the perspective of others, rather than focusing on your lover’s efforts with you, and ignoring your lover’s feelings. Always understand: a lover is also a flesh and blood body, and he also needs to get the minimum heartache and care in life.
Postscript:
No matter what the situation is, it is definitely wrong to cheat within marriage, but things that need to be understood in the post-invasion period: 1) A cheating behavior is already in the category of hard to recover. At this time, you need to calmly think about the final direction of marriage. If you choose to forgive, don’t seize the incident of cheating with your lover. At this moment, the relationship between husband and wife is in a relatively fragile state. Even if you are dissatisfied, you need to swallow the grievances first; 2) Reflect on your shortcomings in your marriage life and find the reasons and motivations for your lover to cheat.
Many people have this attitude after discovering that their lover cheats: they choose to forgive and drive away the third party like a chicken blood. After the lover and the third party completely broke up, I was deeply trapped in the vicious circle of my lover's cheating, and with a psychological imbalance, I felt particularly wronged, so I would make trouble with my lover in various ways, eventually pushing the already fragile marriage relationship to a dead end and eventually resulting in the divorce.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
