The importance of interpersonal communication skills
If you ask the couples around you: Where did they first meet? Their answers may surprise you, but they may be very common: on campus, at home, on the football field, in the dance hall or by the fishing pond. As your age and social experience grow and enrich, you will go to very creative places and find your sweetheart in a more direct way.
Opportunities need to be created by yourself. You must dare to take risks. You must not wait and wait, but take the initiative, especially for men. Shakespeare said: "If you want others to love you, you must first love others." Waiting often means losing half the battle. There once was such a tragedy: a certain boy and a certain girl have been childhood sweethearts since they were little, and they have gradually grown into a hazy age. Both parties are deeply in love, but the boy is shy to speak, fearing that the other party will reject him; and the girl sees that the boy does not speak, and also thinks that The boy had no intention. So time passed in a state of waiting. The girl finally marries another suitor whom she does not love. The boy was so distraught that he volunteered to stay away from the sad place.
Never marry in your life. Twenty years later, a man far away in Hainan learned that the woman's husband had died in a car accident. I wanted to renew my old relationship, but because of the same fear, the long letter I finished was locked in the closet. He expected a message or a hint from her. After waiting for more than ten years, the news finally came: the woman he loved was critically ill. He dropped everything and hurried back to his hometown. Looking at the skinny face of his sweetheart who was no longer young, he asked sadly: "Why are you...? I've been waiting!" "I... have been waiting too..." The woman's throat was filled with tears. A bunch of words from Gululu came out, and Vigilant passed away forever. The tragedy above
is the self-destruction of love, not due to social reasons. Such self-destruction of love is more frequent, more common, and more serious than social destruction. Analyzing the cause of the tragedy in the above example, it is actually due to lack of interpersonal communication skills and low emotional intelligence. As the saying goes: "One sentence can crush someone to death." This refers to the important function of communication. If you don’t want to lead to blindness in self-understanding and disappointment in marriage and love, you must not ignore the important function of communication and adopt a self-enclosed attitude. For people who long for love or are passionately in love, they need to pay more attention to the way, time and skills of interpersonal communication. Because people in love often don't hide their emotions. Your words, actions or eyes can arouse the other person's emotional ups and downs, and a little carelessness can lead to emotional crisis.
Keep track of your shopping list
The famous writer Shen Congwen and his wife The love history of Zhang Zhao and is quite interesting. In the 192s, in order to cope with life, he was introduced by Xu Zhimo , and Shen Congwen became the principal of Hu Shi. Chinese public school lectures? Zhang Zhaohe happens to be his student. He has a beautiful face and slim figure, and is recognized as the school beauty. Shen Congwen soon fell in love with Zhang Zhaohe. But he was not very talkative and spoke plainly, so he picked up the pen that had written countless wonderful articles and wrote a love letter to Zhang Zhaohe. It is said that the first love letter was "only one page, a few words but very heavy." But when Zhang Zhaohe received the love letter, he was so nervous and at a loss what to do, and he was a little disgusted: "A teacher would write something like this to a student." But he was afraid that it would not be publicized. Shen Congwen had no choice but to let Shen Congwen write one letter after another, but ignored them all. Shen Congwen felt very painful and restless. Somehow it came about, and soon it spread in the campus, saying that Shen Congwen fell in love with Zhang Zhaohe, but Zhang Zhaohe ignored it, and Shen Congwen was so anxious that he wanted to commit suicide.
After Zhang Zhaohe’s girlfriends heard the news, they quickly found Zhang Zhaohe and said to her: "Hurry up and make it clear to the principal, otherwise Shen Congwen commits suicide and you will be held responsible." Zhang Zhaohe also became nervous and went to Hu Shi with a stack of love letters written by Shen Congwen to explain the matter to gain his support and step in to stop it. further development, but The result was contrary to her expectation. After listening to her statement, Hu Shi smiled and said to her: "That's good! His article is quite good and can be communicated." From then on, she had to hug her It’s up to you to write your own story and let the matter develop naturally.However, she was moved while silently reading the love letters written by Shen Congwen to her that were full of admiration and mixed with melancholy. A love that she had not yet realized slowly sprouted in her deep consciousness.
The love experience of Shen Congwen and Zhang Zhaohe can be said to be a good story in the literary world. From Zhang Zhaohe's reaction, we can see the importance of courtship skills, especially for women.
We are a part of human beings. We have the universality of human beings and also have the characteristics of other people. Understanding other people's couple standards certainly has its benefits, but each of us should understand our own couple standards, which means we should have our own unique "shopping list." Your expectations for a couple may be different from others in some ways. For example, you may like a boy who smokes and drinks but not a boy who doesn’t smoke or drink, or you may like a cheerful and lively girl but not a self-admiring, quiet and elegant girl. girl. In short, the clearer and more practical your "shopping list" is, the greater the possibility of encountering it. When you meet a boy or girl, you can check off your "shopping list."
We know that the various expectations listed on the "shopping list" cannot be completely consistent, so we should not be demanding about details. The solid foundation of love lies in the harmony of outlook on life, compatibility of personalities, congeniality of will, and mutual admiration of temperament. To get the above conclusion, you need to know how to use life as a mirror to detect the other person's soul. From specific things, use your own eyes and follow your own logic to understand the other person in different ways and from different angles. The love scene is full of twists and turns, selfish people pretend to be generous, vulgar people pretend to be gentle, and there are even love liars who play with feelings.
If you feel that you are young and inexperienced, you can ask friends and relatives for advice, but the initiative should be in your hands. If you are not sure yet and the other party asks for a date, you may as well make an appointment, interview, and contact with the other party. But you must control your words and deeds appropriately, and explain: "We may develop into love, but not necessarily, maybe just friendship." After a certain period of contact and observation, it does meet the core spirit of your "shopping list". And the other person really loves you and you love the other person, then start getting into the role!
However, love often plays tricks on people. Maybe the few people who show love to you or the people you meet are too far from your "shopping list". Then look for the next one. For someone who expresses love or even courtship to you, you are also required to have enough courage and enough skills to say "no". Some people are often afraid of breaking other people's hearts. It is wrong to hesitate and leave hope to the other party when rejecting. The best way to refuse is to "decline": "Thank you" means to say thank you politely, understand the other person's mood, and not hurt the other person's self-esteem; "Jue" means to be clear, strong, and have a clear attitude, leaving no room for the other person to linger.
Dating skills
There is such a little humor in the West:
When the granddaughter was turning over her grandmother's multiplication book, she curiously asked: "Grandma, you are so tall and my grandfather is so short. Why did you marry him?" Grandma was immersed in the memories of the past and said with a smile: "My first date with your grandfather started while sitting on a park bench. We talked from afternoon to dusk. When we stood up to leave, I realized He is so short, But it was too late, I had already fallen in love with him. "
Getting to know the person you are interested in is only the first step of love. The next step should be to get to know the other person - that is, dating. The first date can often determine whether two people fall in love or stay away from each other. The above little humor also illustrates the importance of the first date in a humorous way. A pair of strange men and women meet, get to know each other and fall in love all on a date. This process is very important, and you need to master some interpersonal communication skills about dating:
First of all, you must pay attention to the beauty of your appearance and etiquette. People tend to understand the former easily, while people tend to ignore the latter. The so-called etiquette beauty is reflected in many places.For example, girls don't like boys arriving late for dates, and many "informal" boys often make this problem. If you do it wrongly, the other person will think that you don't respect or care about her. For another example, when waiting for someone, girls should also choose a slightly secluded place, because a private date is not like picking someone up at the station for official business. You can put up a sign. Guys generally don't like girls to "show themselves in public" and think this approach is inappropriate. Elegant but not interesting, after all, dating is a thing full of novelty, expectation and hidden colors.
Secondly, don't be overly enthusiastic when you first start dating. For women, they always hope that their men will respect them. On the first date, they are more eager to understand each other and do not want to be overly intimate with each other. Men prefer girls who are reserved and quiet. According to the analysis of relevant psychologists, when a young man has not yet had a deep emotional investment, he will not be easily restrained by a girl? If a girl is too intimate, it will make the boy feel disgusted.
Again, watch your verbal conversations. Many girls always like to talk to each other about their trivial matters during dates: their secrets, their worries, their families, etc. This will most likely scare the other person away. No boy listens to so much uninteresting stuff during a date. The correct approach is to find topics that interest both parties and help enhance communication and understanding.
Most women are good talkers, but the opposite is true for boys. In this way, how to speak is more important for men. Women require each other to have a masculine temperament. A man who talks endlessly and talks nonsense often makes women stay away. Someone once wrote an article lamenting the embarrassment of men in dating:
"If you talk too much, you will be said to be boastful; if you talk too little, you will be said to be withdrawn and lack of words; if you talk too much, you will be said to be rude and uncultured; if you talk too lightly, you will be said to be rude and uncultured. You have a girly tone; if you talk elegantly, you show off with half a bottle of ink; if you talk vulgarly, you are said to have no ideas and no skills... ”
When dating, men should avoid chatting and having nothing to say. The rest should be learned slowly during dating. Finally, project a confident attitude on the date. Many girls tend to feel nervous, uncertain, incoherent, and lack self-confidence during dates. This is a bad thing. We often hear things like this in life: a girl is accompanied by her girlfriend on a date with a boy. During the date, the girl is embarrassed, but the girlfriend speaks frankly. The result is as you can imagine: the boy fell in love with the girl's girlfriend. When dating, you must clearly know that you have your own unique advantages and don't have to worry about your appearance, lack of words and other shortcomings. According to a survey by psychologists, 79% of boys hope that their girlfriends will have a "good temperament and a strong sense of humor", followed by appearance. For boys, it is even more important. Few girls like a hesitant and indecisive boy. Girls prefer boys who are confident and a bit "domineering".
How to find your other half
The world makes you half, and when you grow up, you need to actively look for your other half, so that the people you want to make friends with feel that you are real and available. . To do this, you should develop an action plan that you can follow to guide your practice. The following provides you with some important and practical principles formulated by the famous American love and marriage psychologists J. James and I. Schlesinger, and is commented by the author based on the actual situation in our country:
(1) Actively create and make friends opportunity.
Before you want to find an ideal lover, you must first "break away from yourself" and actively invest in the external world. It is crucial to exercise and improve your communication skills. Some people who are not sociable often don't know how to give and how to accept. Unknown to the party, they retreated. "I'm too tired, I need to rest..." "I'm too busy..." and so on become their excuses for self-imposed isolation. Just break out of your own small circle and you'll find a much broader new world. The more you participate in these activities, the more energized and confident you will feel.
(2) Arrange a certain time and act according to certain rules
If your life has certain rules, such as what you do at six o'clock and what you do at seven o'clock, then you can often It's easy to make new friends when you meet the same group of people.
(3) Make the most of your friends.
Let your friends know that you enjoy meeting their friends. Actively participate in various gatherings, picnics and other activities with friends, so that you can not only enjoy collective happiness, but also make new friends. Remember, your friends can be your matchmakers and help you find that person you've been looking for that you can't find on your own.
(4) Be good at capturing various opportunities anytime and anywhere.
Remember, love sparks often come unexpectedly. Maybe a few hours ago you were still a happy man living a single life, but a few hours later you will become a troubled person troubled by love. The spark of your love may occur in the classroom, in a store, or in a restaurant, but no matter what, you must be good at catching it and not letting it escape.
(5) Actively participate in various activities that you like.
In these activities, you are more likely to meet people who share your interests. Moreover, at such times, people rarely hide themselves, it is easy to understand a person, and it is easy to talk. One of my classmates was over 40 years old and still single. Later, he joined a butterfly association and met the young and beautiful Fang in the association. A few months later, this friend ended his history of being a happy bachelor.
(6) Master some simple expressions to actively talk to others.
Taking the initiative to talk about topics does not require unusual and shocking statements. In fact, it is just what ordinary people call "making things more common." For example: "Hello, my name is ⋯ ⋯" "Hello, I would like to get to know you because ⋯ ⋯ ." and so on. As long as you often talk to others, you will gradually develop good eloquence and become a person who can talk freely.
