Beijing educated youth Guo Mingbin is my literary friend. After more than a year of mutual understanding and communication, we have become good friends who talk about everything. Yesterday was Guo Mingbin’s birthday. Because he was happy, he had a few more drinks. Taking advantage of the wine, Guo Mingbin told me through voice chat about his little-known emotional experience when he joined the team and settled in northern Shaanxi.
Cave Dwellings in Northern Shaanxi (Pictures from the Toutiao Official Gallery)
Guo Mingbin came to Hejiagou, northern Shaanxi, in the spring of 1969 and settled in the Hejiagou Brigade. (A total of three production teams) Among the more than 20 male educated youths from Beijing who joined the team and settled down, Guo Mingbin was the tallest and the most energetic (this was recognized by everyone). Captain He Huaiping of the second team made Guo Mingbin the leader. Leader of the second educated youth group.
There was a woman named He Bailing in the second team of Hejiagou. She was the eldest daughter of He Huaiping, the captain of the second team. He Bailing was very beautiful and had a voice as beautiful as a lark. The villagers called her a lark. He Bailing was sixteen years old at the time, and she was one year younger than Guo Mingbin. When Guo Mingbin and others first arrived in Hejiagou and settled in Hejiagou, He Bailing helped Guo Mingbin and others cook for twenty days, and the educated youths became familiar with He Bailing. Because He Bailing is beautiful and has a good voice, her Xintianyou is very nice. The educated youths like He Bailing very much, and everyone wants to learn to sing Xintianyou from He Bailing.
In the third year after he came to Hejiagou to jump in and settle down, Guo Mingbin was arranged by the brigade secretary to work as a private teacher at Hejiagou Primary School. At that time, although everyone was very envious of Guo Mingbin's good luck, because he was the first educated youth to break away from production labor . But just because he became a private primary school teacher, he missed the opportunity to become a cadre in the county, and also missed an opportunity to be recommended for college.
According to Guo Mingbin’s recollection, it seems that in the autumn of 1972, the county was recruiting a clerk. The deputy director of the county revolutionary committee had a good relationship with the brigade secretary of the Hejiagou brigade, so the county gave the recruitment quota to the Hejiagou brigade. . Guo Mingbin really wanted to work in the county, but the brigade secretary said: "Mingbin, good things can't come to you alone. If you become a primary school teacher, you don't have to dig in the loess soil under the sun every day. This opportunity should be given to others." In this way, a male educated youth named Zhang Qingxiang went to work in the county.
In the autumn of 1974, the Hejiagou Brigade received a quota of workers, peasants and soldiers trainees. At that time, the whole commune only recommended this quota to go to college. The secretary of the commune said that the Hejiagou Brigade paid the most public grain every year. This The quota should be given to the Hejiagou brigade. At that time, being able to go to college was a dream for many people. In order to win that opportunity, Guo Mingbin bought two bottles of soju for the brigade secretary and gave him ten kilograms of national food stamps. As a result, the brigade secretary refused to accept the gift. He asked the members to vote for recommendations among the educated youth of the three production teams. In the end, Guo Mingbin When he failed to do so, he counted the fewest black beans thrown into the small bowl behind him (one black bean counts as one vote).
Seeing that he had the fewest votes, Guo Mingbin was very depressed. He grabbed a fellow countryman and asked him why. The fellow said with a smile: "Teacher Guo, you are the best teacher in our school. We are reluctant to let you go."
Guo Mingbin didn't feel too bad when he failed to go to work in the county, but he missed going to the Normal College that time. Guo Mingbin felt uncomfortable for a long time about the opportunity to study (junior college). On the day when the female educated youth named Li Jiahua left Hejiagou to report to the college, Guo Mingbin secretly wiped away tears.
That day, Guo Mingbin stood outside the school gate wiping his tears, which happened to be seen by He Bailing. He Bailing said to Guo Mingbin uncomfortably: "Teacher Guo, you are crying, oh (I) know you are feeling sad because you failed to go to college. "I'm fine..." Guo Mingbin couldn't stop crying. It was the first time for a young man in his twenties to burst into tears in front of a woman. That day, He Bailing comforted Guo Mingbin for a long time, and Guo Mingbin thanked He Bailing from the bottom of his heart. Because this was not the first time that He Bailing cared about him. During the years when Guo Mingbin settled in Hejiagou, He Bailing gave him a lot of care and attention.
From that day on, He Bailing often went to school or educated youth centers to find Guo Mingbin, gave him delicious food, chatted with him, and sometimes helped Guo Mingbin wash clothes. In the early winter of that year, a matchmaker in the village introduced a partner to He Bailing. He Bailing said that he wanted to find a young man who could read. The matchmaker laughed at her and said: "Gold flowers go with silver flowers , zucchini go with pumpkins, don't you even read it?" Pass Books. You want to find a literate young man. The educated youth in Beijing are also literate. You don’t think twice about yourself. Will the educated youth in Beijing marry you as a mother-in-law? "
After dinner that day, He Bailing came to the educated youth spot and asked Matchmaker gives She introduced the target to Guo Mingbin in detail. After hearing this, Guo Mingbin smiled and said, "This matchmaker is quite powerful. She speaks harshly and always does the same thing." He Bailing raised his face and glanced at Guo Mingbin. , blushing and said: "Oh (I) told her, oh (I) wanted to find an educated youth from Beijing, and she was so angry that she turned around and left."
In the days after, Guo Mingbin was like a man possessed, and his mind was filled with the shadow of He Bailing. He couldn't see He Bailing for a day. It felt like something was missing in my heart. Soon there was gossip in the village. People in the village said that Beijing educated youth Guo Mingbin was in love with the eldest daughter of Captain He's family. Some people said that they had seen them kissing. However, the villagers expressed their support for their romance. The villagers said that Guo Mingbin was the best teacher and He Bailing was the most beautiful woman. They were a perfect match.
Captain He was not angry about these gossips in the village. When his daughter reached the age of marriage, he also hoped that his daughter could find a man like Guo Mingbin, because Captain He particularly liked Guo Mingbin. If Guo Mingbin could do His son-in-law, Captain He, was happy before it was too late. How could he be angry?
At the end of that year, all the educated youths went back to Beijing to visit relatives for the Spring Festival. Guo Mingbin did not return to Beijing because the school holiday was late, so he happened to stay and look after everyone's homes. In fact, there is nothing of value in the educated youth spots, just the luggage of the educated youths, daily necessities such as pots and pans, and some food rations. However, the Educated Youth Office of the commune requires that when the educated youth go home to visit relatives for the New Year, someone must be on duty (caretaker) at the educated youth spot. Since the superiors have regulations, the educated youths have no choice but to abide by them.
Northern Shaanxi style (picture from Toutiao official gallery)
The other educated youth have returned to Beijing, leaving Guo Mingbin alone in the educated youth spot. In his free time, He Bailing went to the educated youth spot to help Guo Mingbin cook and wash clothes. , sometimes He Bailing would take Guo Mingbin to her house for dinner. Villagers often saw the two of them walking together, and some also saw them holding hands. One day before the Spring Festival, Guo Mingbin and He Bailing went to the commune supply and marketing cooperative. In the eyes of the villagers, He Bailing is already Guo Mingbin's aunt.
In the blink of an eye, it was the early autumn of 1975. Captain He was planning to arrange a marriage for the two of them after the autumn harvest. The two of them were together every day, and he was afraid that something bad would happen. The face is disgraceful.
Just before the Mid-Autumn Festival that year, Guo Mingbin suddenly fell ill. He was very ill. He was treated at the commune health center for several days but did not get better. He went to the county hospital. The diagnosis result of the county hospital was also the same as that of the commune health center. The hospital's diagnosis result was the same, jaundice hepatitis. However, after treatment for a period of time, Guo Mingbin still had a fever and his transaminase could not be lowered. The doctor at the county hospital was afraid of taking responsibility, so he suggested that Guo Mingbin go to a regional hospital or return to Beijing for treatment, and issued a diagnosis certificate and a transfer certificate for his worsening condition.
Guo Mingbin also felt that his condition not only did not improve, but also worsened. He did not go to the regional hospital and returned directly to Beijing. After being treated in Beijing for a period of time, Guo Mingbin's condition improved significantly, and all examination indicators became normal. Guo Mingbin was thinking about the children in school and He Bailing. He wanted to return to Beijing as soon as possible. Unexpectedly, his parents had already gone through the medical withdrawal procedures for him and were about to transfer their registered residence back home.
Because he could no longer return to northern Shaanxi, Guo Mingbin had a big fight with his parents.His parents learned that Guo Mingbin was in love in the countryside of northern Shaanxi, and they were not allowed to return to northern Shaanxi again. They also told him a lot of reasons why he was not allowed to find a partner in the countryside. Although Guo Mingbin didn't understand his parents' behavior at the time, as the educated youth returned to the city one after another, he no longer resented his parents. Just thinking about He Bailing made him feel uncomfortable. The villagers in the village knew what happened between them. What would He Bailing do if he left. After
moved his registered permanent residence back to Beijing, Guo Mingbin wrote a letter to He Bailing, saying he was sorry almost dozens of times in the letter. Not long after, Guo Mingbin received a reply from He Bailing. She said that she was fine and that she did not bear any grudge against Guo Mingbin. Although He Bailing said that he didn't hold any grudge against him, Guo Mingbin had never been at peace in his heart. He always felt that he was sorry for He Bailing. He Bailing was such a good woman, and it was difficult for him to forget her.
After the autumn of 1976, Guo Mingbin received the news of He Bailing's marriage. Guo Mingbin obtained the consent of his parents and sent He Bailing fifty yuan and a red scarf because he and He Bailing went to the commune supply and marketing cooperative in northern Shaanxi. That time, Guo Mingbin wanted to buy a scarf for He Bailing, but He Bailing didn't let him buy it because it was too expensive.
Since then, Guo Mingbin and He Bailing have lost contact, because He Bailing has become someone else's aunt. If he writes to contact him again, Guo Mingbin is afraid that it will affect He Bailing's normal life.
In the spring of 2019, it was the 50th anniversary of Guo Mingbin and his friends who went to work in northern Shaanxi and settled down. A dozen old educated youths who went to the countryside together decided to return to their second hometown to visit the villagers and search for the memories of their youth in their second hometown. When I arrived in northern Shaanxi, I saw the earth-shaking changes in my second hometown. The educated youths were very emotional and very happy. Unfortunately, the old team leader had passed away long ago, and many older villagers were no longer here. This made the educated youths feel very sad. It was uncomfortable, and they all regretted not being able to go back and have a look earlier.
When he returned to northern Shaanxi, Guo Mingbin also met He Bailing. Although He Bailing also had wrinkles on her face and white hair on her head, her appearance had not changed at all, and her voice was still as pleasant as ever. It was just the vicissitudes of time that had changed. There were deep marks on her face, and she looked much older than her actual age.
When he learned that Mr. He Bailing was married to Liu Dawang, a second-rate man in the village, Guo Mingbin felt very sad and confused. He asked He Bailing puzzledly: "Bailing, why did you marry Dawang? He is several years older than you." Even though he is old, he is still a lazy fool." "Brother Mingbin, I was a member of the village back then. Everyone knows that we are in love, and my reputation is bad. Who would marry me except Liu Dawang..." He Bailing turned his face to the side before he finished speaking. Guo Mingbin saw the twinkle in He Bailing's eyes. His heart was filled with tears, as if he had been stung by a scorpion, with an indescribable feeling and pain.
Liu Dawang was paralyzed on the kang at that time, and He Bailing had been serving him for several years.
When they left Hejiagou that time, more than a dozen Beijing educated youths took out some money. They all gave the money to He Bailing, hoping that she could change her family's living conditions, because her family's living conditions were worse than those in Hejiagou. Jiagou can't even reach the lower-middle level.
When talking about this, Guo Mingbin choked up. He said that it was he who had harmed the simple and kind-hearted He Bailing. If he hadn't ruined her reputation by falling in love with someone else, He Bailing would have been able to find a good young man. Her family Life would not be so poor.
Seeing that Guo Mingbin was depressed, I was afraid that he would feel uncomfortable, so I joked with him: "You didn't get married back then, so you shouldn't have done anything inappropriate with them. How can you be so brave?" "Ah! You Where did you think about it? My conscience, I held her hand back then and didn't do anything else. It was just random speculation by the villagers." After hearing what I said, Guo Mingbin quickly cleared his throat and smiled bitterly for himself. Set the record straight.
Actually, Guo Mingbin also knew that I was joking with him, but he cared about this very much. He said that if he had done it, he would not deliberately avoid it. It is not fair to talk about things that don't happen, and it is not fair to He Bailing. .
The picture comes from the official Toutiao gallery
After telling about his little-known emotional past, Master Guo Mingbin said that although he did not intentionally hurt He Bailing back then, He Bailing did affect him because of falling in love with him. marriage For this reason, Guo Mingbin felt very guilty and felt very sad. If he could stick to his principles and return to northern Shaanxi to marry He Bailing after recovering from his illness, even if he could not give He Bailing the best life, But at least the situation will be much better than the current situation, and He Bailing will not be ridiculed by the villagers, let alone suffer such great grievance and harm. Thinking of this, his heart felt like needle pricks. Guo Mingbin said that he could help He Bailing financially, but emotionally, he had no way to help He Bailing regain the happiness and joy he had in the past. He said that what he regretted most was that since he couldn't guarantee to live with her back then, why did he hold her hand and fall in love with her? This incident has become Master Guo Mingbin’s eternal self-blame and guilt.
Author: grassroots writer
