Hello everyone, my name is Hu Xinshu. Every time I read Xiaohongshu, I can always see some girls questioning themselves from all angles, which makes me really angry and distressed. For example, there is a girl who may have suffered too many setbacks in relationships before. For e

Hello everyone, I am Hu Xinshu.

Every time I look through the Little Red Book, I can always see some girls questioning themselves from all angles, which makes me really angry and distressed.

For example, there is a girl who may have suffered too many failures in relationships before. For example, her ex cheated on her, stole her money, and hit her. Anyone with a discerning eye would know that it was the other person's fault, but she was pessimistic and always blamed herself for the problem.

Even if she has a new boyfriend now, even if she knows that she is loved well, she will still worry about gains and losses subconsciously.

There is another girl who graduated from a prestigious school with good academic performance. She also accumulated a lot of internship experience in a large factory while she was in school. She got the coveted offer just before graduation. But regarding this success, she always said, "Obviously everyone in the same period is so good, why choose me?"

Including a blogger I follow, there are millions of fans on various platforms, and the content he produces is also very popular. , she posted a long article some time ago, confiding that she couldn't believe it all, felt very inferior, and was afraid that she was not worthy of everyone's love.

In the comment area of ​​these people, there are always passers-by comforting them and hoping that they can be more confident. Encourage her to actually be very good and not to think about things for no reason.

But in fact, this is not just a simple lack of confidence or self-deprecation, but also a psychological phenomenon.

I don’t know if you have heard of “Imposter Syndrome” or “Imposter Syndrome”.

refers to people’s inability to attribute their success to their own abilities. They may feel like a "liar" or like a "fake" trying to steal someone else's success.

They firmly believe that the good things they have are not due to their own efforts, but due to luck, good timing, or others misunderstanding that they are very capable, which leads to their success.

Impostor syndrome is not strictly a mental illness, but many psychologists tend to think it is a personality trait . And this phenomenon is not uncommon. Research shows that 33% of successful people have had similar ideas at one time or another.

"I'm not worthy", "I'm not good", "I'm not as good as you think" may be their mantras.

When they are working, they are happy with the results of their efforts, but on the other hand they are worried about whether it is just luck. You will be afraid that you are not competent and will let your leader down.

In life, they cannot accept other people's kindness and liking for them calmly, because they are afraid that they are not worthy of the other person's wholeheartedness. I want to be understood by others, but I am afraid that if I show my true self, my friends will not accept it.

In love, they long to be loved, but at the same time they feel that they are not worthy of being loved. Even when faced with other people's confessions, I always want to shrink back.

Even in their love partners, they will choose someone who is much worse than their real self, because subconsciously they feel that they are only worthy of this kind of person.

In fact, the key to resolving this subconscious low self-esteem and inner uneasiness is to slowly learn to reconcile with yourself. If you are also a member of the "impostor syndrome":

First of all, you must learn to accept others' good evaluations of you.

I used to be like this too. For example, when a friend complimented me on how beautiful I have become, my first reaction was not to accept but to refute.But whether it’s your lover expressing love for you or your friend praising you, they all mean these words sincerely.

So you must slowly learn to accept good comments generously, and don't subconsciously look for excuses for why you are not perfect.

Secondly, don’t compare yourself to others and just focus on your own success.

Indeed, there are many outstanding people in this world, but this does not mean that your efforts and your results are meaningless. What's more, sometimes, using one's own shortcomings to compare the other's strengths is to overestimate others and belittle oneself for no reason.

So please focus on yourself, but also on your strengths, and don’t always revolve around your shortcomings. Including when you achieve something in a certain area, you should be proud of yourself and try to praise yourself.

In the final analysis, for people with "impostor syndrome", it is much more difficult to receive love than to give love, so you must accumulate more evidence of love.

Collect every moment that makes you feel a sense of accomplishment, and those moments that make you realize that you are well loved. When you start to have low self-esteem or start to look at yourself negatively, take it out and take a look. Or talk to someone you trust and let them resolve your concerns.

This method is really useful, especially when you connect those moments of love together, you will feel "I am really good" and "I really deserve to be loved". This is how my love confidence was built. Especially the love that is limited to summer, when it is shown, it even feels better.

I hope every boy and girl will be brave enough to be themselves in love! Believe that you are worthy of being loved and worthy of all the wonderful things you can get from love!

Don’t be dominated by the inferiority complex deep inside your heart. Please remember that you are worthy of being loved well. Starting from today, try to change "I don't deserve" into "I am worthy", show your beautiful love, and then appreciate yourself like a flower. Relax, you deserve it.

head pictures / Aaren Aaren

illustrations / "Eternal Vow"

"Tonight's Time Teller at 22:22"