I often refer to psychological counseling as "chatting" because compared with psychological counseling, chatting is easier, freer and more participatory.
When you invite someone to chat instead of consulting, because he is seen, respected, and equal, his self instantly becomes taller and sacred, and he forgets his past self, his past sadness and loneliness. .
In such a relationship and background, all words are full of fresh life at the moment.
Because of the nature of my work, many adolescent children will come to me for psychological consultation. In fact, it is just chatting, chatting about happy things, chatting about unhappy things, chatting about secrets, and chatting about privacy.
Because the most important principle of psychological counseling is absolute confidentiality, because of absolute confidentiality, you can open your heart and express your concerns, and because of mutual trust and openness, your concerns are listened to, and your emotions can be comforted and transformed.
This kind of chat can advance and retreat freely: if you advance, you will be hearty; if you retreat, you will reflect on yourself and others.
Coupled with the absence of any expectations, the therapeutic effects often multiply.
Next, I want to tell a story. The prototype of the story comes from a classmate in the third grade of junior high school who once chatted with me.
As I said just now, because the consultation is absolutely confidential, the stories told next have been recreated and reprocessed. The plot of the story is purely fictional, so I remind you not to take it personally.
However, because such a story has happened to each of you more or less, your children, or it has happened around you.
So, when you see these words, you are also participating in our chat in another way.
If during the participation process, you finally trigger some thoughts and realize some truth, then the purpose of our chat will be achieved.
This is a junior high school classmate who is temporarily suspended from school at home. The reason for suspending school is that feels very painful at school..
In his own words, almost everyone around him has a skill, either good grades, or one of the top subjects, or good at sports, or handsome and generous, and can talk freely, but he is useless .
Once, he was rejected in person because he didn’t know how to solve a question and asked the classmates around him for help. At that time, he really wanted to find a hole in the ground and crawl into it immediately.
This classmate actually has a skill. Guess what it is?
Right, game!
It is understood that his level of playing one of the games should be among the top in the school.
In his understanding, as long as his game level is far ahead of his peers and he can become the leader among his peers, then he will have complete confidence.
Therefore, when he first stopped studying at home, in order to play games and reach the ideal rank in his mind, he spent all his sleep and food, confusing right and wrong.
’s life was not as comfortable as imagined. He was either completely immersed in the game, or listless and exhausted.
When he is in a particularly bad state of mind, he doesn’t even want to play games.
occasionally goes out. Although he is not wearing school uniform, if someone looks at him more, he will feel guilty and wonder why others are wondering why he is not in school.
He became confused and didn't know where to go?
We always insist on a regular "chat" once a week, because the child's parents and I have reached a consensus in advance:
Although the student is on leave of absence from school and seems to be temporarily disconnected from the outside world, the child's inner world is surging.
Because the energy of life always needs to be returned and anchored, and the functions of life need to be restored and regenerated, maintaining the communication and collision between two people's hearts will make all this possible.
During the chat, the classmate told me that from the beginning of playing games, he regarded the game as his friend, played it with heart, and studied it with heart, unlike many classmates around him who just indulged in it.
He will play games only when he is in good condition and has a good network environment, unlike his classmates who play games while walking, taking buses and subways.
He believes that playing games should also have a sense of ritual. Only in this way can we understand the connotation that the game creator really wants to convey.
He also told me that in order to achieve the goal rank he dreamed of, he specially signed up for a gaming course.
In the first few days of learning, he felt ecstatic, because he found that he was just like this, and achieving his goal was just around the corner.
Therefore, he is almost racing against time to learn, researching day and night, constantly learning, practicing, summarizing, and reflecting.
One day, he suddenly seemed to understand the secret of becoming a real player. Even better, he found that this secret could be transferred and copied to all aspects of life. In fact, learning can also be played like this.
At that moment, his heart seemed to have settled down, and he was not as uneasy as before.
The game goals that once attracted him seem to have lost their aura. The confidence and self-worth that he originally wanted to bring by achieving the game goals have now been met unexpectedly, and he is more practical and sure than he imagined.
I am happy for him from the bottom of my heart.
Because we repeatedly confirmed during the chat that the student did not plan to regard gaming as his future career, and returning to school was an inevitable choice.
Therefore, he has secretly decided not to touch his mobile phone as much as possible and start to catch up on the missed homework in preparation for returning to school next semester.
Song Dynasty Zhu Xi There is a poem written like this:
Half an acre of square pond is open, and the skylight and cloud shadows are lingering together.
asked him how he understood it? Come for living water from a source.
is like the classmate in the story playing games. Reaching a certain level does not bring lasting happiness and satisfaction. When one day he found that in the process of doing things with his heart, he developed an ability called "the power of living water". Source” , When only this endless ability can truly make him feel at ease, he changes from the inside out.
is like a tree swaying in the wind and rain. When you find that you are getting stronger and stronger and taking root in the earth more and more powerfully, you will be fearless. You will even shout in your heart that the storm will come more violently.
There is a classic line in the movie "The Young Master":
But Li Bai said, "I am born with talents that will be useful." Li Bai also said, "Look up to the sky and laugh out loud. How can I be a Penghao person?" It was Li Bai who said "There will be times when strong winds and waves break, and you can hang your sails directly across the sea."
Are all the things he said a lie? Is he a liar? If what he said were all false, why did his blood still boil when he read it out loud?
Please remember:
Human instinct is to pursue excellence, which is the innate ability of each of us. When I chat with children, it is the process of discovering this ability.
What about you around me?
