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Article | Hidden Heart
01
Recently, Wei I received a message from a reader. The following content has been treated privately and published publicly with the consent of the visitor:
I am 33 years old and I have done the thing that I regret most in my life. Alas.
I met my lover two years ago. That day I took the high-speed train to the next city for a business trip. She sat next to me and we chatted all the way, like long-lost friends.
After getting to know her, I found that my silent heart came to life again. Coupled with my long-term lack of communication with my wife, I was ready to make a move.
I go home later and later every day, chatting with my lover until I can’t feel the passage of time.
I feel like being with my wife is a kind of torture. She is long-winded and I don’t want to communicate with her. I blame my wife for all my unhappiness and difficulties. Even if I encounter problems in my career, I will blame her.
I know this is not good, but people do do this when they dislike someone.
I couldn't control my heart. In order to say goodbye to this situation, I insisted on divorcing my wife. My wife didn’t hold back too much because my cheating was fair and she already knew about the affair between me and my lover.
02
After the divorce, I did not live the life I expected.
The first year after my divorce was fine. My relationship with my lover was relatively stable. But at that time, I realized that the reason why I thought my ex-wife was not good enough was because I was not good enough to her and didn't care enough about her at that time.
After the divorce, she became radiant, and her once dull face became youthful and energetic.
In the second year after my divorce, I found that my lover was not as good as I thought.
She is not family-oriented enough, and she is far different from before. She is not patient enough with me, and there are many trivial things in life that I cannot bear.
I tried to communicate with my lover, but I found that she was not willing to talk to me at all. So we started a long quarrel, and the initial impatience has long since subsided.
At this time, I wanted to get back together with my ex-wife, but I found that she had already started a new relationship. I regretted it so much that I tried to communicate with her, but she told me that she didn't want to make the same mistake again. The child was well educated by her. Although the child does not know why we divorced, he is still attached to me and loves me.
03
Weiqing Marriage counselor message:
This reader’s derailment experience is very typical. After divorce, you may not have the happiness you imagined, and maybe you will live in regret and pain.
Some people live well after divorce, while some people live in regret after divorce.
If you encounter problems in your marriage and you don't try to solve them, but want to use divorce to change them, then divorce is only a formal escape and cannot bring anyone actual help.
A person who cannot swim will not be able to swim in any number of swimming pools.
Those who live well after divorce do so because they have the ability and courage to solve problems.
Some people get divorced just because they feel that their marriage is not as happy as they imagined. They do not know how to reflect, and they only blame all the unsatisfactory marriages on their spouse, thinking that they will be relieved after divorce.
Obviously, this idea is wrong.
This is like a hedgehog that wants to get a warm hug, but he habitually spreads his spines to hurt others. Instead, he feels that others cannot give him the warmth he wants. Only when the hedgehog relaxes and lets his thorns stop pricking people can he have a chance to get the embrace he wants.
The same goes for marriage. Open your arms to your significant other. Only two people who truly form a family can make your married life more fulfilling and happy.
