I love you and hope you are as I expect
"No man wants you", this is what the ex-husband said to Ms. Bai when she got divorced.
43-year-old Ms. Bai runs a restaurant and her ex-husband is a teacher. After fifteen years of marriage, the two had disputes almost every day.
Ms. Bai summarized her marital status like this: If there is no quarrel someday, it must be because we are not together.
Arguing shows that each other cares about each other, and you still have expectations for him.
The long-term bad relationship pattern made both people exhausted. After a fierce conflict occurred, the two agreed to divorce.
The two are university alumni. When they liked each other at the beginning, it was the purest feeling. They came together because of love. Ms. Bai appreciates the other's literary talent, and the other party likes her ability.
Although divorced, because I love each other in my heart, and afterwards, because of self-esteem, no one is willing to give in, so I just keep on going with each other tacitly.
Even if you are angry, you must work hard for love
Last Saturday, after another quarrel, Ms. Bai decided to break up with her ex-husband for the third time.
When the ex-husband left, he left a vicious sentence: No man wants to marry you again.
Ms. Bai went to her ex-mother-in-law in anger and reported him viciously, but both parties were very unhappy.
After the old people on both sides ventilated, they gave them an ultimatum: if they find a solution, they will find their own.
So the two approached me and asked for help to trouble the marriage relationship.
"I really don't know how I should work hard anymore?" The couple expressed such helpless feelings.
I asked them to talk about the recent conflicts, what events caused them, and what caused the disputes.
is your fault
Last Sunday was Ms. Bai’s birthday,The two plan to watch movies and eat well. The movie was still very friendly, but when discussing the meal, the quarrel came again.
Ms. Bai wants to eat Russian food from the south of the city. The other party thinks that the road is a bit far away, and this point is overcrowded and the price is expensive. It is better to find a restaurant on the way home.
As she started to drive out of the city, Ms. Bai began to growl, complaining that the other party had turned her back, saying that her opinion is the main thing today.
The ex-husband felt very angry, thinking that she was erratic, and said that he would not quarrel with him today.
The two people described the conflict situation as scrambling, no one would let others, and each other's reactions to each other's words were fierce.
None of them want to fall behind, trying to make me believe that they are innocent in this matter, and the other party is the culprit.
The problem is not on the other side
An originally small problem has evolved into a fierce conflict, and the emotions of both people have been deeply affected.
Both parties in the dispute believe that the other party should take responsibility for their encounters and the pressure they feel.
Obviously, Ms. Bai and her ex-husband did not realize their shortcomings, but chose to accuse each other. Both believed that the other had violated the pre-arranged things.
Of course, neither of them admits that they are accusing each other, but are clarifying themselves-I am not wrong, it is the other party.
In fact, "the black old baby thinks the pig is black", two people are actually just half a catty.
Many couples are like this, they are not aware of or simply unwilling to admit their mistakes in the relationship between husband and wife.
They casually attribute the responsibility and fault to the other party, accusing the other party of making the relationship worse. Of course, this is much easier and helps protect their fragile heart.
No matter who you marry, there are always problems
A psychologist said, People who are accustomed to accusing each other tend to blame others, but refuse to admit that they have problems.
A marriage expert said that people like will face the same problems and situations in their marriage no matter who they marry.
In fact, after the divorce, both Ms. Bai and her ex-husband had looked for friends of the opposite sex, but they had the same problems that they used to have in their marriage relationships in the past.
So, the smart people realized that it might be their own problem, so they were willing to work hard with each other again and try to get back together.
Actually, the problem between the two of them didn't arise after they got married. They were in such a state before they got married. This kind of reaction will destroy any intimate relationship.
The role of competitors in marriage
People who are accustomed to accusing others often do not realize that the criticisms they make against their partners (others) are precisely their own flaws.
They don't have the ability to understand from the other side's perspective, and how to accept difficulties in their own way, and take the corresponding responsibilities.
The state of Ms. Bai's marriage is one of the typical phenomena of interpersonal relationships in today's fast-paced and fiercely competitive society. In such an atmosphere, each other is playing the role of competitors.
Each has to argue about who is right and who is wrong on each issue, and each other becomes more and more impatient.
The successful competitor role makes you very successful in the workplace, but if you bring it into an intimate relationship, it will be a big trouble.
When you expect to relieve the pressure from the other person, all you have is frustration and endless disappointment. So you start to blame each other again, and you are unwilling to change yourself, because change means that the other person's self-awareness will be threatened.
Concluding remarks
Following the question axis unfolded in the consultation, the consultant helped them figure out where the problem was.
The ending of the story is quite comedy. After discussion, the two remarried shortly after the consultation began.
According to the two of them, it is better to torture each other than to harm others. After all, it is too expensive to rebuild a relationship. This is obviously a joke.
Being able to have the courage to face problems squarely is of great significance to oneself.
We help each other in the intimate relationship of marriage and strive to find and become our true selves.
Follow me, there are more exciting waiting for you.
Bill Gates’ reason for divorce: Marriage can no longer allow each other to improve
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