Today we are going to analyze such a thing, that is, why is the relationship suddenly broken? Have you ever experienced such a situation? The two are getting along pretty well, they both plan to get married, and both have longed for the future. Suddenly, the other side said "break up, we are not suitable". In other words, I have been married for many years, and my daily life is to pick up the children step by step, but suddenly one day the other party asks for a divorce. It is this sudden breakup that caught you off guard, so what's the root cause of it?
Today I will tell you a new word called emotional account. What does it mean? When two people are walking together, in fact, this time is equivalent to an emotional account opened simultaneously, just like a bank account. The company also has a company account. Only the more money in this company account, the more secure as an employee. If there is no money in the company account, then the employee can't go on.
So when two people are together, the open emotional account is also the same. In other words, the more sufficient the balance in this account, the deeper your relationship will be. If the balance is gone, it will even become If the number is negative, the breakup was not sudden, but you didn't notice it.
So how did this balance come from, and how did it go? Adding the balance to it must be an expression of love and a blend of feelings between you two. For example, I gave you a gift today, or that day, you said a sweet thing to me, did some sweet things, etc. These things are charging money inside, and then which ones are withdrawing money outside, and Can't you feel it? If there are too many withdrawals, does the balance disappear?
Today I will focus on telling you which behaviors are you who have been consuming this account, but you can't feel it, and finally the balance is gone and the relationship is broken. I have summarized three in general:
The first one is called comparative psychology.What does that mean? Sometimes, when we inadvertently say a word, we may have this kind of comparative psychology, which makes the other party feel uncomfortable and makes the other party want to escape. One of my students was like this. She said something like this at a party. She said that she had a male classmate who was a civil servant. He ate together at the time, and then talked about the work is very good. The treatment is also very good, and then her husband is an ordinary clerk.
She just said to her husband at that time, she said: "I think civil servants are good, you should take a civil servant exam too". In front of this classmate, what so many people said was probably a very inadvertent sentence, but just such a sentence broke up and broke up. Why? Because you see, what do you feel from a man's heart? It's the kind of comparative negation. In fact, you want to be good for him.
Then there are many more in life, for example, there are some, more straightforwardly, you see how good other civil servants are and how you are doing now. This kind of comparative psychology is actually hurting feelings, that is, withdrawing the balance.
The second category is called labeling. Have you ever said these words, "Why are you so lazy? You never take out the trash. You will lie down when you go home, and you will know to eat instant noodles all your life." Let you put a label on him. For example, if the other party takes a mobile phone to play, you know how to play on the phone. Does he really know how to play on the phone? Not so much.
In other words, you are always, you will only, you forever, your whole life, your whole life, these summary words are all labeling behaviors. These labeling behaviors will definitely not be recognized, this is also a withdrawal of emotional balance.
There is also a third type called neglect, or negation of the other person’s feelings. Let me talk about one. A private teacher sent me a chat record two days ago. At that time, I gave her the chat record analyzed.The general content is like this. The boy sent her a photo of eating instant noodles with a text saying that this is how it tasted when she was a child, so good.
Then how did this student respond? She said: "Why do you eat instant noodles? It's not nutritious at all. Eat something good."
The other party replied: "I like to eat this."
Then she replied, "How can that work? No wonder you are so thin, don't eat anymore."
The boy replied: "Why are you like my mother, there is no answer."
So in this passage, what are the feelings and needs of the other party? When I was young, the taste did not make you pay attention to the instant noodles, nor did it make you pay attention to how thin I was or how nutritious I was to eat. In other words, if we always focus on ourselves during chat or communication, and ignore the other person’s feelings or needs, then the other person will feel very boring, which is also affection. The behavior of reducing points is the behavior of drawing the balance of the relationship.
I also hope to be helpful to everyone’s feelings, so at the end I want to ask everyone, if it is you, facing the last chat record, someone sent a instant noodle and sent a sentence, you How would you respond? You can post your answer in our comment area, see you in the next issue.
.
