Emotions are never black and white. In real life, after encountering the betrayal of the other half, the divorced and non-divorced are basically divided, and when a woman faces a man's derailment, a very small number of divorces are determined! Even though it is difficult to understand, the truth is that most women choose to forgive in the end! It may be because most of the men who blatantly cheat are "successful people", maybe women are for their children, or for other reasons, but no matter how they choose, please don't criticize them.
Without suffering from others, don’t persuade others to be kind. All the empathy of in this world is no match for cold and warm self-knowledge ! No one wants to forgive or forgive the hateful derailment and betrayal, stays out of the matter, everyone can be calm; in it, who can calm down?
So what is the reason for a woman to forgive her cheating husband? And where did her life go after forgiving her husband?
Let us take a look at the story of Ms. Gu!
I am Gu Mingyue, a woman who forgave her husband's extramarital affairs.
Everyone will have their own choice when discovering that their husbands and children's fathers are cheating. Although they are not all the same, they have reached the same goal by different routes-in the end, they are still thinking about the happiness of the rest of their lives.
When I found out that my husband was cheating, I was very angry, and once wanted to use a divorce to punish this man who betrayed him, but in the end I chose to forgive, not because I can accept his cheating. , But young children, elderly parents, and myself without a source of income, all these objective conditions made me have to think calmly, and finally chose to forgive my husband for cheating.
01 Youth experience
I was born in a family with deep-rooted traditional thinking. My parents have a stubborn patriarchal mindset.I am the eldest daughter of my family, and I have a younger brother who is less than two years younger than me. From childhood to eldest, my father and mother have always favored my younger brother, but have never cared about me.
Since I can remember, my parents are very partial to my brother. I have to clean up the mess that my brother played with toys. I have conflicts with my brother. They never ask me right or wrong. When I go out, Dad My mother always leads my brother in the middle, but I can only follow behind me. I will always buy snacks. Only if my brother doesn’t eat it, it’s my turn. My brother has countless toys, and my childhood only A fluffy little rabbit.
Many times, I feel that I am a superfluous person in this world, but the more they treat me badly, the more I have to prove myself. Later, with my hard work, I was admitted to a key high school, but because of this family environment, I was withdrawn and did not like to approach others actively. At that time, I was lonely and hostile to the world, even with good grades. , But after graduating from high school, my parents are no longer willing to pay for me.
Without the support of my parents, I can only be like most of the girls there. Not long after dropping out of school, I went out to work. At the age of 17, I was introverted and uncomfortable. I was hungry without work. Even then, I didn't ask my parents for a cent, because I knew that even if I asked them, they wouldn't give it to me. I stayed like this for two years.
Later, I followed a girl from the same town to work in the factory. I was 19 years old that year. Working in the factory is very tiring! At that time, it was another electronics factory, assembly line, standing to work, working at least 10 hours a day, due to my weight loss and weakness, I was sweating every day after get off work. But because I didn't have a degree or a skill, I had to gritted my teeth and went back to my residence many times to cry secretly, and then went to work the next day, and worked like this for two years.
02 Getting to know my husband for the first time
When I was 21 years old, my parents urged me to marry. After introduction, I met my husband.
We are a neighboring village. He was 24 years old at the time, with acne and medium body.After several contacts, he confessed to me that he liked me and would treat me well for the rest of his life. Although I was vague about my whole life at the time, it was the first time someone told me such warm words of love, and I agreed without hesitation! Then he went to the electronics factory with me, but after working for less than a week, he resigned because the work was hard and the salary was not high.
At that time, the country was engaged in the western development . Many people from their hometown also went to Tibet. I heard that there were very high salaries. He discussed with me and said that he had sent a small invitation to join the oil drilling team. Before leaving, I told him that it was very bitter, and he smiled and said it was okay, waiting for me to make money and come back to marry you.
The conditions there are really tough. Everywhere is deserted, there is no cinema, no food, no entertainment, and sometimes, even if you don’t eat vegetables once in a month, he is very optimistic and tells me that he can earn a month. At seven or eight thousand yuan, and there is nothing to spend, the money can be saved. No matter how hard it is, it is worthwhile. I have worked here for two months, which is more than the money I earn in a year in the electronics factory. Just stay here. Work for a year and you can save enough money for our marriage!
Seven or eight thousand a month, one year can indeed save enough money for marriage, because buying a house in the city was not popular at that time, fifty thousand yuan can be used to build a very stylish two-story building in the hometown. Twenty thousand yuan can definitely hold a grand wedding that will cause a sensation in ten miles and eight villages.
03 Married
Because communication was not inconvenient at the time, and to save money, we only talked on the phone almost once a month, and we never told each other any sweet words, but simply felt that each other was the same. The mutual support of people throughout our lives makes us full of longing for the future of life.
When the third year approaches the New Year,We went back to our hometown together and gave my parents a one-for-one gift, which means "one in a thousand". This incident also made my parents happy from ear to ear. Although I still hate my parents’ injustice at this time, my expectation for a better life in the future makes me very indifferent to them. As long as I can marry a man smoothly, I don’t even think I am their daughter anymore. I only feel that I am the wife of the man who is willing to pay for me.
He did not build the two-story small building I imagined in his hometown, but gave me a grand wedding. I handed myself to this man in the envy of the neighbors in the neighborhood. At that time, I thought: The ugly duckling has finally become The white swan! I can go through this life happily with this man.
04 Mutual support
After getting married, he confessed to me that the reason why he didn't build a house in his hometown is because there is now an opportunity that he can contract the project himself so that he can make more money, and Don't have to work so hard. The most important thing is that he can pick me up when the project is contracted. He said that it is really hard to get through in the place where the birds do not shit, and because of the many inconveniences, ordinary workers are not allowed to bring their wives and children there. He is not afraid of the hard work of eating and sleeping every day, but he misses Risi very much. What I thought about at night, such warm and simple love words made me burst into tears, and I secretly swear that no matter what this man will become in the future, I will grow old with him and never leave!
has included the project schedule. Although he spends a long time in his residence and does not need to go to the construction site, he does calculations all day long and often urges the progress of the project. Because it is a contract project, benefits and risks coexist. Because of his low academic qualifications, those universities that need to calculate put him under a lot of pressure, often suffer from insomnia, and later began to lose hair and his complexion was also very bad. In my eyes, I feel distressed, but I can’t help. I can only try to make the food more delicious under limited conditions. Don’t bother him when he’s busy, and give it to him when he’s free. The massage was relaxing. Fortunately, for more than two years, although it was difficult, it all came over.
After the project is over,We made a lot of money. At this time I was 27 years old and he was 30 years old. Although there are still projects in the future, we don't want to stay in this place anymore. We took the money, went back to the city where we were home to buy a house, and opened a hardware store. Although we didn’t make as much money as before, we were happy and free from stress in life. He told me that he wanted a baby. , After all, I am not young anymore. I certainly agree that if it weren't for him to make money, our children must have learned to walk now!
05 Pregnancy and childbirth
It is said that men's junior year, three meals are guaranteed! After I married my husband, although I had some hardships in the desolate Tibet, I felt very happy with him by my side. When I returned to my hometown, especially after I was pregnant, he was no longer so busy and he loved me very much. He basically did all the housework of washing and cooking. He told me: as long as I take care of myself, I will pay the rest. give him!
In the later stages of pregnancy, he even got up early every day and clumsily wanted to make nutritious meals for me. He would also close the store at noon and go home to make a meal and then open the door for business. I was pregnant in October and I was born. A son, after giving birth, I was a little cold on that.
Because of taking care of the children, there are not many opportunities for the two of us to get intimacy. Even if I occasionally have the opportunity, I will often be ruthlessly rejected. It is really difficult to accept this kind of thing when I am not interested. After I reject it a few times He was also a little impatient every time he asked, which made me more resistant to this matter. It was also painful to see him upset, but the more so, the harder it was to get interested.
06 Husband cheated
About two months later, he stopped asking me about this request. Although he no longer treated me so considerately every day, he often went home late at the beginning. Gu Zi’s holding his mobile phone to play, but I can understand, after all, whoever is repeatedly rejected will be unhappy and emotional, until one day, I see ambiguous news with other women on his mobile phone. Later, I chose to follow him. Less than ten minutes away from home, I saw him meet a woman in a hug, and then walked side by side, arm in arm, very ambiguous.
After discovering this,I was very sad, but did not rush forward to question. At that moment, I thought of a lot of things. Of course, the first thing I thought of was divorce. But when I thought about my children, my parents and myself, I still held back. The child is my heart. I can't let him lose his father at such a young age. The children of single-parent families I have seen are very strange. And because my husband and I have been out of town since we got married, my husband will often give my parents money, and occasionally come back to be very filial to them, so my parents will definitely try to prevent me from divorcing. And myself, because of the unfortunate experience of my childhood, my husband has always been a spiritual pillar! I can't divorce, but I can't let them go on.
When he got home that day, I had a lot of trouble with him, and threatened to divorce and let his wife disperse, but to be honest, I didn’t really want to divorce, I just wanted to make trouble and release my emotions. , Keep this matter in your heart, sooner or later I will vent it out. He kept apologizing to me and said that he would never do it again, but I still shut him out that day.
07 Choose to forgive
Unlike other women, I am a woman without the blessing of her natal family. When I called my parents about this matter, they did not encourage me to divorce, but calmly persuaded me to think about it. When I complained that other women’s maidens would help out at this time, they said:" You are married and you are no longer part of our family. The matter between you and him is your housework, and your natal family is not your patron, so we will not help you."
finished listening What they said, I put down the phone and cried for a long time, only then did I really understand: a daughter who is not loved by her parents will have no home after marriage, her husband's family is not her own, and her family's family has nothing to do with me anymore.
After my parents-in-law learned about this, both came to my house. They first apologized to me and advised me not to divorce. They blamed them for their insufficiency in discipline, so I was so wronged, and then they scolded their son. My father-in-law even took a belt and slapped my husband fiercely. I couldn’t bear it, so I reached out and signaled my father-in-law not to beat me. My mother-in-law comforted me when he saw it, and at the same time asked my husband to apologize to me, and asked him to swear again in the future. I will not do anything compared to me, otherwise I will let them talk about the old couple!
After marriage, I never lived with my parents-in-law,It can be said that we don't have much feelings between us. Originally, they would definitely turn to their sons in the future. But what they did in the face of this incident made me very touched. Such parents-in-laws are even closer than my biological parents.
Although it was very sad, I calmed down and weighed the pros and cons. In addition to this incident, my husband has a good character, filial piety to his parents, and works hard to make money. It is also very good to me. Maybe a man sometimes uses his lower body to think about problems. He endured my long pregnancy, and after giving birth He has treated me very well for a long time, so maybe I also have a certain responsibility for cheating.
And if I look for it again after the divorce, it is difficult to guarantee that the man will not cheat. There was no one behind me, without the strong backing of "mother family", and I couldn't let my children follow me and divorce, so I couldn't divorce him for a momentary pleasure, and finally chose to forgive him.
08 After forgiving
This may be my luck, or maybe my husband has guilt. After I choose to forgive, he treats me better than before. He goes home on time every day, washes and cooks, and keeps everything in the house. All of his money was given to me for safekeeping, and an agreement was signed. If he commits another crime, he will leave the house alone! At least on the surface, we are reconciled as before, and I am happier.
From time to time, someone will persuade me to change myself and make myself stronger. Only in this way can I have confidence in the face of life, and only in this way. When he cheats again, I will not let myself There is no way but forgiveness.
I think, In real life, there are many men who will change their minds after a derailment, cherish the life in front of them, and eventually lead a happy life. I believe my husband can do that too.
Therefore, after forgiving him, I never looked at his phone again. My previous experience made me understand: human nature cannot withstand prying eyes, curiosity kills cats! And I just want my children to grow up happily and safely, and I don't want to worry about other things. Moreover, after forgiving him, I never criticized him for his cheating.Probably because he is still very good to me, or maybe if he is not good to me, I might also take his previous cheating.
But now that you have chosen to forgive, you can no longer worry about it. do you think so?
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