On the eve of National Day, the girl received three more wedding invitations.
"Hey, the invitation has been received round after round. Why am I still single?"
0 span
He said:
"I'm tired of hearing this sentence, do you really want to fall in love?"
em p1span _p5span, of course, _p5 It’s so narrow that it’s hard to meet new people. It’s not easy to get to know new people. I always feel like I’m close to something, so..."
My friend interrupted me again: The reason, you have summed up countless times, but it is obviously not the main problem."
I was speechless for a while, and reflexively asked: "What's the reason?"
_p5 p5 she sold a key:
"Recommend a new variety show to you,Go see the story of the first female guest. "We
01
want off single, has never issued a" signal I want to love "
her recommendation This variety show is called " 90 dating agency".
After watching the girl, it feels like a "one-to-many limited-time blind date scene". Introduce the program flow:
30 male guests were divided into 4 rooms, each with a theme: past, hobbies, values, and future. _p7br
_p7br p0 After , the female guests choose to enter one of the rooms and have a 9-minute interaction with the male guests in that room.
After the interaction is over, the two-way selection of successful male and female guests can enter the second round of 1 v 1 ultimate love trial. After
finally decide whether to hold hands with each other (the female guest has a chance to change the room).
The first female guest is Han Xiao ( whispered, all the female guests of this show have very good looks! ).
She said in her self-introduction that the reason for her singleness is: home, few friends, and narrow social circle ( is not the same as mine? ).
Then, Han Xiao chose to enter the "past" room.
Because of the same hobby "playing games", he quickly established a common topic with one of the male guests, Liu Tianyang.
In the follow-up interview,Both of them also expressed their good feelings towards each other at the time.
Next, all the guests in the room watched Han Xiao's self-introduction video together.
When she said: Give me a network cable and I can never go out .
Liu Tianyang immediately said that is also like this , and then the two of them chatted about the recent developments of an anime and other people were present on the background. .
After 9 minutes, Han Xiao walked out of the room and started to choose whether to stay in the room with the guests who moved his heart. She continued to get along.
Han Xiao and Liu Tianyang will definitely choose in both directions.
The girl sighed, she still needs to know more new people.
Look, I opened the social circle and met Han Xiao, a new friend, and I immediately found a favorite.
However, the next second, there was a cold voice in the video: failed to match .
Han Xiao outside the door chose another male guest, Jiang Yifan.
The girl in front of the screen was shocked:? ? ? Who is this person?
Actually, Jiang Yifan is not completely non-existent, but the only impression he left with me is that he likes to take notes.
even before the female guests came in,Just started making predictions on her in the notebook.
However, during the whole process, he and Han Xiao chatted a few words apart from the group discussion session.
What is the reason for choosing him?
Han Xiao answered like this:
_p5sp0
5 _p5sp0
5
Seeing this, the girl suddenly realized that she understood why a friend recommended me to watch this passage.
Sometimes, we thought we wanted to get out of the order, but in fact, we did not give the other party a signal of "I want to fall in love with you" 1s _strong.
that knows more new people,It's no use.
02
love signal, in the end how to issue
the final analysis, the relationship is The process of connecting people in different ways .
I send a signal, you receive a signal, that's it.
Intimacy is no exception.
So, what should we do?
The first step is to express "I am curious about you"
It didn't show up at all.
In the "past" room, she once commented on herself like this:
_p5
_p5
_p5
The period of “over-attention to self”.
At that time, I spent all my time on myself and felt that "any relationship" was unnecessary and useless. I refused to participate in group activities in the class and dormitory, and refused to go deep with other people. communication.
When "self-attention" occupies all the time and energy, naturally it is impossible to be curious about others.
The same goes for Han Xiao.
The reason she chose Jiang Yifan, is not because she is interested in him, but she wants to know "his analysis", and she wants to see how the other party evaluates herself _span3_strong3span98.
What she cares about is still herself.
In fact, too much self-attention represents a kind of individuals' uncertainty about themselves (self-uncertainty).
And higher self uncertainty makes it impossible for a person to judge what kind of relationship he needs and what kind of partner he will be more suitable for.
Of course, we can spend all our time and energy on ourselves.
But If you want to take the "love" step, you must be ready to establish a relationship .
Sometimes,Love does not need to think too much, romantic inspiration is often in an instant.
But only if you want to see that person.
The first thing to do is to take your eyes away from yourself.
The second step, don’t put too much emphasis on the soul mate
Han laugh answer is this:
We all know that in real life there is no Victor statement of ( herself Also admitted that it is in Kou Hi ).
But in fact,Many people have an ideal "Li Zeyan".
is what we often call "soul mate".
According to a poll in the United States, about 75% of people believe that there must be a "right person" waiting for them in some corner of the world.
Their whole life is to find that person in order to make their life and soul more complete. [1]
It is true that it is important to choose your partner carefully.
But what girls want to emphasize is that has been thinking about waiting for the soul mate to appear, which is extremely dangerous. _strong98 spanstrong1span.
A large number of psychological studies have found that those who believe that fate is destined are more prone to crisis in love. They are fast together and separate faster. [2, 3]
because,This kind of love view makes it easy to have high expectations of others.
At the same time, in order to verify that the person you are looking for is correct, you will always pay attention to the other party's shortcomings, and even deliberately pick the other party's faults, while ignoring its inherent advantages and strengths.
When disagreements or encounter difficulties, the problem is that "ta is not the right person".
then left angrily, looking for the next one, forming a vicious circle.
In the American drama "Friends", after the death of the weird old man living downstairs in Monica, Monica found in his diary that he was a very popular boy when he was young.
But every time he goes on a date, he will decide that the other party is not the one he is looking for because of a small shortcoming, so he stops dating, and he ends up lonely.
Many times,We all regard "finding him" as the most important step in love, so before entering a relationship, we can't help but expect that the other person will be exactly the same as our imagined "Li Zeyan" without any shortcomings.
and this just led to the missing of one right person after another.
The third step is to find a "growth-type" partner and close relationship
span Ready to accept a relationship that grows together.
Psychologist Knee uses Implicit Theory of Relationships to divide people’s views of love into Destiny Belief (Growth Belief) and Belief Grows. .
People’s different beliefs about love often determine whether the gap between reality and ideal will affect their relationship and their partner’s satisfaction. [4, 5]
Those who want to seek a soul mate naturally belong to the former,They believe that love is an arrangement of fate, and that the destined person exists. Therefore, when they find that there is a gap between their counterpart and their ideals, they will feel deeply disappointed by this gap; This gap is interpreted as a signal that you have begun to understand your partner deeply, thinking that the gap is because you are getting to know the real Ta .
Although they may also have short-term disappointment, they accept this gap. Not only will they not deduct points for their partner or this relationship, but they will also see their partner in the future. Give Ta a bonus when changing and growing.
Choose fate, you may walk among the people who are "nearly a little bit" after another, and choose "grow", and you may have a love of constant addition.
The most ideal love in a girl’s heart is like Monica and Chandler in Friends.
They have been friends for 5 years. Before being together, these two characters have obvious shortcomings. Monica is picky about tortoises and Chandler likes to avoid problems.
but after being together,Monica taught Chandler to face up to the conflict in love; Chandler also used his gentleness to accommodate Monica's small shortcomings.
I used to think it was sweet, but now I found out that they are all people with a growing love outlook, and they are getting better and better in this love _span3 _strong 98.
They have never been perfect, but they have the perfect love.
Written at the end
, Han Xiaoguan posted a relationship between her and Yang a few days ago.
She said: "I'm not sure if Liu Tianyang is 100% suitable, but she is the one who feels good after contacting her, so I decided to try it."
This also reminds the girl of the "985 blind date" that became popular on the Internet some time ago.
Regardless of authenticity, its existence itself reflects that the negative term "blind date" that once represented "older single" and "poor conditions" has become a contemporary young man. No longer repel the way.
It is no longer the same as before, it is a forced choice under the pressure of parents.
became a "possible" beginning.
Try it with someone who is possible. It is not a compromise to reality, nor is it going to die, nor does it mean giving up love and romance .
A little curiosity, a little less "idealism", a little more patience to grow together, and finally a little chance, maybe it is the formula of love.
, you don’t even have the same taste as a hot pot of 360° . Finally, send an uncle’s famous saying:
_strongspan 95 "strong"If you pursue a beautiful, comfortable, tolerant, and growing love, the right person will naturally run after you. "
a little less tangled, red chant, do not forget:
world and I love you .
- the End -
references / girls reference literature :
[1] Poll, M. ( 2011). It's Destiny!. Most Americans Believe in Soul Mates.
[2] Knee, CR, Patrick, H., & Lonsbary, C. toward toward (2003). Implicit theories of relationships: Orient theories of relationships: evaluation and cultivation. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 7(1), 41-55.
span1 span [3] Knee, CR, & Petty, KN (2013). Implicit theories of relationships: Destiny and growth beliefs. The Oxford handbook of close relationships, 183-198.
[4] , CR (1998). Implicit theories of relationships: Assessment and prediction of romantic relationship initiation, coping, and longevity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(2), 360.
[5] Knee , CR, Nanayakkara, A., Vietor, NA, Neighbors, C., & Patrick, H. (2001). Implicit theories of relationships: Who cares if romantic partners are less than ideal?. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27( 7), 808-819.
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