As a female lawyer who has handled thousands of divorce cases, I may not be able to give you a comprehensive "what kind of person should choose", but I can help you sort out some of the cases I have handled" marry someone who shouldn't be chosen".
My answer should be able to provide some very practical suggestions for the subject and unmarried girls. I have counted and sorted out the previous answers, for your reference only, and I look forward to your supplements and exchanges in the comment area. The codeword is not easy, look forward to paying attention and likes.
From the description of the subject, it can be seen that this is not a superficial "suitable vs. like" problem, but a purely emotional marriage problem. Do I like him or not? Is he the one who will spend the rest of my life with me".
In the face of the right, looking for the heartbeat, this is the ideal state of many unmarried people to choose the other half, then is the other party suitable for them, and the one who fits with each other? If you are reading the text and you happen to encounter such a problem, then I suggest that you two can make an appointment in a quiet place and do the following 15 questions before marriage:
1. Do we have children? ? If so, who is mainly responsible?
2. What are our earning power and goals? Will the concept of consumption and savings conflict?
3. How to maintain our family? Who will control the possible risks?
4. Have we exchanged the disease history of both parties in detail? Including spiritual.
5. Has the attitude of our parents met our expectations? Will you give enough blessings? If not, how do we face it?
6. Do we naturally and frankly speak out our sexual needs, sexual preferences and fears?
7. Can I put a TV in the bedroom? (Generally refers to the difference in all living habits,For example, there are different opinions about keeping pets, different tastes, sleeping and snoring, one loves to clean up the other)
8. Can we really listen to each other's complaints and treat each other's thoughts and complaints fairly?
9. Do we clearly understand each other’s spiritual needs and dreams? Have we discussed the future education model for our children?
10. Do we like and respect each other's friends?
11. Can we value and respect each other's parents? Have we considered that our parents might interfere in our relationship?
12. What is the most annoying thing about my family?
13. What are the things we will never give up because of marriage?
14. If one of us needs to leave his family and accompany the other to work in another place, can we do it?
15. Are we confident that we will face any challenges to keep the marriage going?
"15 Questions You Must Ask Before Marriage" was originally published in the "New York Times" and put forward by an American expert on marriage and love psychology.
above 15 questions before marriage can test whether the three views of both parties are consistent. These 15 questions are not simply YES or NO, nor are they expressing mutual determination, but require both parties to reach a high degree of consensus and have a detailed plan.
Of course, all these problems are based on the love of each other, otherwise there is no need at all.
If you are afraid of these problems with seemingly suitable feelings, then you cannot transfer into marriage. As a marriage and family lawyer, I have to say something that offends people, but it is indeed a real problem, that is, many young people underestimate the complexity of marriage before marriage and promote pragmatic and quick marriage, which is very easy The divorce rate and derailment rate are surprisingly high.
In the divorce cases I have handled, I found that there are thousands of reasons for divorce. Fortunately, the clues of divorce are traceable, and some pitfalls can be avoided before marriage. Next, I summarized some classic cases and suggestions to my friends, hoping to avoid a pit for you before marriage.(Ps: The following cases are all released with the consent of the parties. Please cherish your valuable experience!)
Husbands are all senior white-collar workers in a company in Shenzhen. They met in college and decided to have a romantic relationship. After A graduated, they studied abroad, but the two have been in a romantic relationship. Later, A returned to work in China and registered his marriage on November 30, 2015.
On December 3 of the same year, husband A continued to have a high fever and went to the hospital for examination. The result was confirmed to have syphilis and HIV test was positive. At that time, A could not accept this cruel result, so he took her husband to various well-known hospitals in Shenzhen for consultation. The final result was that she was told that her husband had AIDS and had been ill for a long time before marriage. The symptoms are already manifested and accompanied by complications, and there is no possibility of cure.
Under A’s questioning, A’s husband finally admitted that he had done P’s behavior. A wanted to cry without tears and regret. After A calmed down, he went for a test by himself, but fortunately the result was negative.
A found me at the end of the same year, hoping that I could file a divorce lawsuit on his behalf and dissolve the marriage.
Throughout the consultation process, I can deeply feel the grievances and pains of A, but at the same time I can find that A is a very capable and rational woman. Even if I have been "coaxed" throughout my adolescence, I can still calm down and seek the greatest fairness and justice for myself.
I use my profession,We helped A to minimize the impact of this encounter on her future life. Combining the law and the established fact that the man was diagnosed with AIDS within 3 days after marriage, our team decided to change the direction of the lawsuit in this case to application Marriage registration is invalid , the purpose is to erase this marriage history for A.
After completing the formalities for filing the case, I actively communicated with the judge, and at the same time I understood the man with reason and moved with affection. The man also felt deeply guilty, and finally agreed to cooperate in the court proceedings of applying for invalidation of the marriage.
marriage can apply for invalidation, but this marriage experience imprinted in A's heart will eventually be indelible. finally remind unmarried women, , even if there is no premarital examination, annual medical examinations are very important span83span , don’t take it seriously! The most important thing is to find a person who can be honest with each other, or you will be a feather after marriage!
2. Do not use PUA manipulation to you.
PUA was originally a communicative technique, but because of his familiarity with female psychology, in the past few years in China, PUA has begun to develop abnormally, and it is used as emotional deception and psychological manipulation, called "PUA".
Women should stay away from men who are good at using PUA manipulation, such as suppressing and denying your kindness or other "weaknesses", so that you "obediently" live according to his ideas and ideas.
women whenever,Don’t give up your career for the sake of your spouse, and work with financial resources is considered, at least in the relationship, you don’t have to beg, whether it’s money or love.
"Love brain" women love self-sacrifice, but also love self-movement, it is easy to become the prey of man manipulation.
3. People who can bring emotional value.
Many people have experienced "b-force" events in intimate relationships, such as pushing the other person to a corner during a fight, throwing things in anger, etc., or responding to each other with cold water, contempt and threats, and emotional ups and downs, easy They yelled or angered because of trivial matters, and even suffered extreme behaviors such as beating and kicking.
Faced with such objects, women must be especially careful, and it is best to stop losses in time before marriage. An emotionally stable person will bring you a sense of happiness that you can never imagine, whether it is the pots and pans in life or the bottleneck encountered in work.
If your marriage partner is someone who can bring you emotional value, then you will definitely get better and better, and your married life will become more and more happier.
Fourth, there is a sense of boundary.
There was a hot spot before, that is, Chen Lufa talked about his nine-year relationship with Huo Zun in a long article, saying that Huo Zun had cheated and interacted with multiple women at the same time. The feelings were single-minded and not to be shared.
If your spouse does not have a sense of emotional boundaries before marriage, and is in love with you while also having an affair with other opposite sexes, the possibility of such a person being able to change after marriage is almost zero.
So, when you get married, you need to find someone who has a sense of boundaries, so that you will be free from all kinds of cranky thoughts, and you won't be suspicious.
5. People who don't care about your pre-marital property.
Don't enter a marriage in a hurry because outsiders think it is suitable, and don't end a marriage hastily because outsiders are not optimistic.
The pre-marital loan to buy a house is registered under your personal name,Your parents are responsible for repaying the loan after marriage. It is best for your parents to remit the loan repayment money into your loan repayment account on a monthly basis, so that the repayment part and the corresponding value-added part after marriage also belong to your personal property.
As long as you invest in the real estate before marriage, you must add a name, renovate loans, buy a car, buy furniture and home appliances. Try not to do things that do not increase in value but depreciate.
If your significant other is always thinking about your pre-marital property, after marriage, it is likely to be like Wang Nuannuan's consequences, being pushed off the cliff by your husband, and calculating all the common property of both pre- and intra-marital spouses alone.
6. Marriage is risky, so you need to be cautious about obtaining the certificate.
Once a statutory marriage is concluded, there will be countless property and interest disputes between the husband and wife.
If in marriage, because of the original fit, but did not survive the "collision of pots and pans" and choose to divorce, then there will be many women who are not strong enough in their hearts to be forced to bear the psychological trauma and psychological trauma caused by divorce. Economic losses.
In addition, divorce nowadays is not an easy task. Friends who follow me should know that I will popularize the divorce process almost every time, that is, there is a 30-day cooling-off period for divorce by agreement. The litigation and divorce cycle is long and cumbersome.
7. I never want to be single, but I have a foreboding of getting married late.
Many single young people today are in such an "embarrassment": they have their own ideas about marriage and have higher requirements for their partners.
However, parents still point their lives with their own thoughts,Arrange for them a blind date that their parents think is suitable. Some parents even claim to their children that "there is no reason to get married, just because they are old."
Marriage is a lifelong matter. If you can't find the other half that fits you, then no matter how much "suitable" you have, you will be fine.
8. How to protect yourself from a legal perspective in the face of a breakup?
It is difficult to protect emotionally, because the deeper you invest, the more hurt you will be if you encounter a breakup.
From an economic perspective, it is recommended that you do not have large economic transactions during your relationship, and try not to confuse your property. At the same time, when you give the other party some money, it is best to be clear about the nature of these behaviors, whether it is given or borrowed.
In addition, if the other party has improper behavior during the breakup, such as threatening harm, you must report to the police in time; if there is an act of disseminating improper remarks, timely fix evidence and file a lawsuit to defend your rights.
Marriage is a lifetime practice, but when you still have the ability to choose a marriage partner, you must be cautious and cautious, and don't rush to solve your life's major events in order to complete the task. It’s a saying I often say: “Be cautious when getting married, and be decisive when getting divorced.” If you are facing issues related to marriage and family law, you can talk to me and I will help you.
.
