Last year, Lujiang , Anhui, there was an embarrassing family tragedy.
On the evening of April 13th, the husband finished socializing and went home.
Before returning home, he promised his wife that he would buy chicken drumsticks for her to eat, but after returning from work, husband Wu forgot to buy chicken drumsticks and went home empty-handed.
If you put it in an ordinary couple, it is normal to forget to buy things.
But his wife Luo has become an intolerable "heinous crime".
Luo first blamed her husband, and then started his hand, and then the two beat him from upstairs to downstairs, causing the neighbors to stick out their heads and look around.
If things only develop to this point, it's just a quarrel between ordinary couples, just calm down after a while.
But what I did not expect is,The angry wife Luo actually rushed home to get a fruit knife. In the chaos, a knife pierced her husband's aortic aorta, causing her husband Wu to die on the spot.
feeling out of control in this moment:
had a living husband, fell in a pool of blood, has become a A shadow curled up and moaning in the corner;
The original happy family was fragmented, and a pair of lovely children became two orphans without parents.
You might think that it must be the husband who has a problem to drive his wife crazy.
However, no matter how many conflicts in their lives, it is not a reason to deprive others of their lives in anger.
and according to neighbors,The two were in free love and chose to stay together for life voluntarily. Usually, her husband Wu followed Luo very much, and was slapped and didn't fight back.
Luo has no reason to do this cruelty.
After Luo was arrested, he was sentenced to 13 years in prison because of his good attitude towards his confession and was sentenced to 13 years in prison by his family.
But even if her life is saved, the originally peaceful family will not return.
For children, their mothers killed their fathers, and it was even more painful in their lives.
I don't know, Luo Mou can still eat chicken legs in this life.
man killed his ex-wife,Confession with tears before death
Behind the out-of-control emotions, there is panic that is unable to express anger
strong span
I once watched a real documentary " punishable meeting ".
Before the execution, reporter Ding Yu interviewed several prisoners who were about to go to the execution ground and recorded the last moments of their lives with video.
Among them is a death row prisoner named Gao Pingfu, who makes people angry and regretful.
Gao Pingfu was guilty of deliberate homicide and the target of the murder was his ex-wife.
The reason for the killing is: The ex-wife has a new boyfriend,He couldn't bear it, so he stabbed her to death in front of his ex-wife's parents and set fire to the house.
During the interview, Gao Pingfu was silent many times. I chose not to say a word to most of the questions raised by reporters.
It was not until the reporter asked "Do you have any regrets?" Gao Pingfu's emotions like a pool of stagnant water suddenly stirred up heartbreaking waves.
I saw that his eyes were reddish, and his voice was a little choked. After facing the camera for a long time, he slowly said the sentence:
0 span71span strong daughter I'm sorry that you have lost your father's love and mother's love.
When he said this, the sun was hitting his owed father, and the eyes were down. Nostalgic.
is the rapidity of the picture,The violent emotions released regardless of the consequences will only bounce back thousands of times, and will eventually be severely hurt, not only himself, but also the closest people around him.
People often say that impulse is the devil.
In many cases, the reason why we are angered, and the reason why we gradually lose control in anger, is largely due to the panic of our innermost being unable to express anger.
People are born to hate losing control.
When a person does not know how to express anger constructively, when the way he can think of is unable to resolve the existing contradictions, some people will unconsciously degenerate to the primitive "full of animality" Status.
desperately took his powerless panic and powerless expression of anger, resorted to force and used violence to vent.
Over time, "dissatisfaction → anger → destruction" gradually became his subconscious behavioral logic. It was only when he woke up that he realized that the big mistake had already been made.
Later,The reporter took Gao Pingfu's words before the execution and found his daughter.
That is a girl with inferiority and anxiety on her face. She was in elementary school, but she felt a kind of sorrow that could not be resolved like a thick mist.
On that day, after learning that her father was escorted to the execution ground, she didn’t say a word, but clenched her fist. .
But what can I do if I regret it again?
Just like the reporter said: I don’t know how she will bear all this, but there is no way, her father is a sinner.
husband and wife, killed her husband drove
emotional control,It stems from not believing that the problem can be solved
Have you ever been emotionally out of control?
In 2018, there was a tragedy in Chongqing.
A young couple quarreled because of something. The wife was sitting in the car and the husband was stopped in front of the car. The two argued for a long time, and neither of them would give in.
Suddenly, the car speeded up, only to hear a "bang" sound, the husband in front of the car was thrown out, and the back of his head fell on the ground and died on the spot.
Afterwards, if the wife was taken to the police station, she would be mad.
Actually, we lose control of our emotions and there is another big reason:
strong49There is a way to solve the problem.
When we were little children, we did not have the ability to perceive and think about emotions, so when emotions come, our first reaction is to vent them in the form of crying.
At this time, if someone who has the ability to think about emotions can catch our emotions and help us process them, then we can acquire a mature ability to cope with emotions.
Recall, when you were a child, did you experience a crash and cry because your homework was not completed?
How does your family do it?
The first method of processing: write it directly for you.
The second method of processing: No help is provided. Just lose your temper, accuse you of being playful, and cry if you are in trouble.
The third way to deal with it: comfort you and tell you how much time you have to complete your homework,Assist you to complete it together.
Only the third mother’s practice can train the child’s emotional ability.
because she did not directly stop the child from crying, instead of helping the child to connect the emotion and thinking process together, let the child vent.
In this way, children can understand: It is not scary to produce strong emotions, I have the ability to bear and deal with it.
In this way, when dealing with unexpected events or sudden difficulties, it will not be a momentary faint and become a machine that only vents anger.
can control the mood of the people, the family will be happier
relationships Masters Gottman said:
’s ability to perceive and control emotions is even more important than IQ.Because it determines a person's achievements and happiness, including family happiness.
Cai Shaofen 's husband Zhang Jin is a very stable person.
Cai Shaofen once said in the show that she is very emotional and loves to break up whenever there is a conflict.
Once, Cai Shaofen said cruel words again, and Zhang Jin was not angry. Instead, he packed her luggage and said to her: If you keep talking cruel things like this, you will kill us. The relationship is broken, and it won't stick back again.
Cai Shaofen realized how hurtful what he said, and since then he has controlled his quarrel and never said such things again, and the relationship between the two people is getting better and better.
There is a "kick cat effect" in psychology, which means that the bad emotions between people are contagious.
If you often feel that you are influenced by extreme emotions such as anger,And every time I vent I feel very regretful, you can try the following methods:
1. Face your anger and regain your sense of control
p0span is very angry Normally, the presence of anger is an internal alarm, which tells us that something is not quite right, such as your interpersonal boundary has been violated.
If you want to prevent anger from expressing out of control, it is best to be able to pay close attention to the inner associations and the unconscious language of the body when the boundary is violated and when you feel uneasy. This is the kung fu of "awareness".
When you find yourself burning with anger, you can ask yourself 3 questions first:
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● Why can't you bear that others do not meet your expectations?
● Is the result really that bad?
When we are in a strong emotion,Many problems are magnified by our emotions, but in fact problems are often not as bad as we think.
2. Express your anger correctly
, understand what you need to be fully aware of when you are fully aware of . Ways recognized by society to express their dissatisfaction.
For example: I cannot accept this kind of evaluation/I feel very angry/I feel very bad/I am not as bad as you said.
In this process:
. The first point is to talk about your 1span span. For example: I am very lost.
Second, the specific content of the problem needs to be clarified. For example: because you promised me, but you didn't do it.
Third, talk about what you want. For example: I just want you to comfort me.
These words seem ordinary,In fact, what is revealed behind the scenes is true self-esteem and self-confidence, a kind of "resoluteness without hostility."
This kind of “resoluteness” can make the other party understand your position and the bottom line, but it will not solve the problem in the original language. route".
3. Prepare an "emotional first aid kit" for yourself positive
What special things will make you feel in your life before?
Try to write these things down. When emotions strike and enter a state of stress, immediately do these things that can bring you positive emotions.
4. What should I do if my partner loses control easily?
- close your inner dialogue _li1014 li _p7 span p9br ppan0 most of the time,When we listen to others, only half of our energy is on the other person, while the other half is thinking about how we should answer.
These thoughts occupy our attention and will prevent us from hearing the complete information of the other party, so we need to clear our own thoughts and focus on the other party.
You can ask yourself three questions when listening:
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What does this mean to others?
How does the other party think about this?
- avoid Reviews and advice
avoid direct assessment and to give suggestions, you only need to communicate with each other Your understanding of what he said,And how you feel after hearing it.
You can say this:
I don’t know what I mean?
What you just said, I listened carefully, but you said...I feel a little uncomfortable. Do you mean...?
The behavior in communication can be "contagious", in exchange for expression, mildness for mildness, and respect for respect.
When you try to understand the other person, the other person will often try to understand and satisfy you.
But if you find that this is useless at all, or the other party’s irritability has touched your bottom line, or even exceeded the socially reasonable range, you should consider stopping this communication , Or withdraw from this relationship.
Sanmao once said: Behave calmly,It's more heartbreaking than an aggressive attitude.
Good emotional management ability is like a gift to yourself and others. It can not only nourish your own life, but also sweeten the lives of others.
For all those around you who can’t control yourself, Finally, click "Looking" together:
The emotional "devil", with a calm attitude, lives well.
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