Marquez has a famous saying: "Love is an instinct, either born or never."
American psychology professor Walter Michel put forward a famous psychological theory: delayed gratification.
The so-called delayed gratification refers to the giving up of instant gratification for more valuable long-term results, and the self-control ability displayed while waiting. To put it simply, everything must be considered in the long term, not just for a while.
Regarding "delayed gratification", there is a classic experiment in developmental psychology research. The experimenter selected a group of 4-year-old children as the experimental subjects, and then gave each a piece of delicious candy, and told the children: if immediately If you eat, you can only eat one piece; if you wait 20 minutes before eating, you can eat two pieces.
Some children were impatient and ate the sugar right away; while other children ate two lumps of sugar by restraining their desires and delaying gratification. Through the follow-up investigation of the subjects, the experimenter found that those children who ate two pieces of candy, after growing up to work, showed strong adaptability, self-confidence and independence, and were more likely to succeed in their careers; while those who could not stand it Children who are tempted by gummies to eat only a piece of candy tend to succumb to pressure and escape the challenge.
In fact, delayed gratification is applicable to many aspects of life, especially in those things that require "small water and long flow", it is even more indispensable. Love is one of them.
The so-called good things are hard to come by. The more beautiful the feeling, the more it must stand the test of time.
If you want a man to fall in love with you completely, you have to slow down your love rhythm and don't rush for success. Sometimes, if you want to have a good relationship, you must avoid irritability and anxiety first. You must be clear that you cannot eat hot tofu if you are impatient. At this time, you must learn to use the delay technique of love.
I saw a saying on the Internet: is in a mutual commitment relationship,Girls usually like boys with medium difficulty, while boys like to chase girls with high difficulty.
When a woman wants to hold a man's heart, sometimes she has to learn to use the delay technique of love.
01 If you love someone again, don’t rush to give it all.
There is an old saying that people don’t know how to cherish the things that can be easily obtained. Only when they are lost will they know the preciousness of the other person.
It is said that women are like flowers, women who are born to long for love, especially like a rose. The quiet and chaste ones are white roses; the warm and beautiful ones are red roses. This red and white fate was given a vivid metaphor by Zhang Ailing.
When dreamed, the white one is the moonlight in front of the bed, and the red one is the cinnabar mole. Tired, the white one becomes a sticky stick on the clothes, and the red one looks like a mosquito blood on the wall.
In Zhang Ailing's novel "Red Roses and White Roses", Wang Jiaorui was so eager to give, from a cinnabar mole in one's heart to mosquito blood that the other party wanted to erase.
As a social flower, the heroine Wang Jiaorui is charming and beautiful, with infinite charm. By chance, she fell in love with Tong Zhenbao, a young talent who returned from school. Wang Jiaorui was just playing with others, but she was really moved by the hero. Wang Jiaorui once said that her heart is an apartment house, and after Tong Zhenbao went through "the joy of chirping flesh", the apartment was demolished and she built a single villa for him.
Every day, her heart to wait for him to get home from get off work goes up and down with the elevator; she often stares at him with tenderness in her eyes, but also slightly ridicule; she hugs Tong Zhenbao hard, and will repeatedly ask if the other party is Love her...
In the face of love, a woman does not ask whether it is worth or not, a man will consider whether it is a loss or not. Just like Byron’s sharp words: “Love is just a pastime in a man’s life, but it is the whole of a woman’s life.”
For Tong Zhenbao, she is even willing to give up a stable and good life and choose to be with her husband. showdown,But she never thought that her commitment would be rejected. In the face of love and career, Tong Zhenbao decisively chose the latter. After abandoning Wang Jiaorui, Tong Zhenbao got married and had children, and climbed to a very high position in the company.
Lack of rationality is a common problem for many women after falling into a relationship. After falling into a relationship, you are eager to give everything to fight the fire with moths, but sometimes your wishful thinking will only look cheap in the eyes of the person who doesn't love you so much.
In a relationship, to have reservations is the most important truth that every woman should understand. Before the man recognizes your girlfriend's identity, whether you have had an appointment, kissed, or went to bed before, the girl should pay more attention and be cautious. Physical intimacy and spiritual intimacy are completely different concepts. The deep dependence and tacit understanding between two people need to be confirmed through long-term interaction and investigation, and there is no need to rush for a while.
Regardless of whether you are in an ambiguous period or have established your identity as a boyfriend or girlfriend, and no matter what has happened between you and the other party, you cannot easily give up investigating a person and rush into a long-term relationship.
02 To hold a man’s heart, learn to leave, push and pull
Emotion expert Zuo Yan once said this: "When a woman is more and more enthusiastic about men, men are more and more indifferent to women This is because men feel that women have no challenges for them. That’s why.”
In the world of men and women, everyone’s ideas are different, and the interaction between men and women is actually a psychological game. We often say that whoever is serious in the relationship loses. In fact, the emphasis is on the sense of dedication in the relationship.
There is a "sunk cost" in economics, that is, the more you invest, the more reluctant to give up. So in love, the same is true. When a man continuously invests time, energy and money in you, he is generally reluctant to give up.
In the relationship between the sexes, when you learn how to push and pull, so that the other person has a feeling of separation,The more you can dominate the relationship.
Regarding the question of how long two people will have a relationship after being together, many girls always feel very confused. They are always afraid that after rejecting the other party, they will feel disgusted with themselves, so they clearly feel that they have not been sure whether the other party is It's worth the delivery, but he did what he wanted.
In fact, rejection is not all hurt to feelings. Sometimes when you use some skills to reject, not only will it not disgust him, but it will suffocate his appetite. For example, when the other party proposes to make the relationship further, you can clearly tell him that you want to keep the most precious time when you are newly married. In fact, this not only clearly shows your position, but also a plan for this relationship.
The core of delayed gratification is not to let you reject a man, but to slowly let him release energy in you.
Men hope to conquer women as soon as possible through their own means, and women hope to use their own charm to attract men for a long time, so men’s feelings for women are more physical dependence, and women are spiritual dependence on men. . However, in a long-term relationship, both a sense of physical dependence and a sense of spiritual dependence are indispensable.
The most prone to crisis in love is the flat period after the love period. At this time, girls are always prone to gains and losses, so they start to pay more than boys. Even if a really smart girl loves another person, she must know how to stop. The more she likes, the more restraint. There is a saying that "distance produces beauty". If two people stick together too tightly, they will only quickly expose each other's shortcomings. The freshness of each other will quickly disappear. At this time, your relationship will face a huge crisis. If you don't handle it well, it will be the result of a split.
Maugham said: Love needs to have a feeling of weakness, needs to be considerate and caring, needs to be helpful and enthusiasm to please others.
Women must not be overly enthusiastic in their relationships. Smart women must know how to "hit their appetite" and show their weak side more.Stimulate his desire for protection. Only by cultivating the other's chivalry, can he become a true prince riding a white horse to marry you, otherwise he can only be a horseman who chooses halfway through.
03 The core of delayed gratification is to enrich yourself
Tang Jing said in "The First Half of My Life": "When you become the irreplaceable person in the other's heart, you are qualified to be nonsense, self-willed and self-willed. Act as a baby, otherwise once the other person doesn't care about you, no matter how sensible, decent, hardworking, or good you are, you can't arouse the other person's joy."
If a woman wants to hold a man's heart for a long time, the most important thing is to get into the other person's heart. , Let yourself become an indispensable part of his life, and delaying gratification is to make him psychologically dependent on you, and love can’t help himself.
Great Berente wrote a sentence in "Actually He Doesn't Like You That": "Actually, as long as you realize your own value, the more you value yourself, the more ideal love will be realized."
The core of women learning to delay gratification in relationships is to evaluate their own value reasonably and not to make themselves cheap in relationships. Only by establishing a sense of autonomy in the heart, can we advance, attack, retreat, and defend in the relationship, and master the rhythm of a relationship, instead of being carried by a man's attitude.
The core of women’s delayed gratification in relationships is not to work hard to deal with men, but to improve themselves. Only when you become a book that a man can’t understand, can you always attract his attention and let him Continue to be "addicted" to you.
picture comes from the Internet, invaded and deleted.
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Today’s topic discussion: Do you think girls need to be more proactive or reserved when they are dating?
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