In the recent hit drama " ", He Yun said to Sun Xing who pointed the gun at him, "Turn yourself in, so you can live. Or, shoot me, I will accompany you".
Sun Xing looked at He Yun painfully and decided to surrender. When He Yun gradually moved away from him and walked towards the crowd, leaving behind the lonely Sun Xing, he changed his mind again and took the gun and drove towards her.
This is a pair of unrecognizable mother and child, and they have shown various inner entanglements when facing legal punishment.
He Yun is ashamed of Sun Xin. She has never fulfilled the responsibility of a mother, so she will use all means to help Sun Xing escape legal sanctions.
Sun Xing lacked motherly and fatherly love in his childhood, was extremely insecure, and formed an extreme personality.
In the TV series, the contradictions of the characters are vividly expressed. In our lives, in fact, there are often contradictions in our hearts that we want to do so.
"What psychology: Why do we think and do that" is a popular psychology book written by Teacher Chen Xiao who has been engaged in scientific research, teaching and consulting training for more than 10 years.
This book describes many current social phenomena,Using the current social phenomenon as a guide, I analyzed what the self is, what are the factors that affect our behavior and decision-making, and what are the psychological laws behind the incomprehensible social phenomenon.
It is said that this is an unstoppable book, specifically to answer the life problem of "I can't figure it out, I have nowhere to ask, but it is very worrying".
When I first got this book, I really thought it was just a simple popular science reading, but after reading it, I found that it was a bit difficult to understand. I need to calm down and deduct it. Knowledge and theory are very professional.
The dark side of high self-esteem
The part that touched me the most is the fifth section of Chapter 1, "Magic Mirror, Mirror, Tell Me", which is about the dark side of high self-esteem.
Because what is said in it is exactly what I am confused about, or it is a problem that has always existed in my character.
In the fairy tale of Snow White , the queen always asks the magic mirror: "Who is the most beautiful person in this world?"
when she is the magic mirror When she was the most beautiful person, she chose to destroy Snow White to continue to achieve the perfect answer in her heart.
This is a form of high self-esteem,High self-esteem is divided into safe high self-esteem and fragile high self-esteem.
Safe and high self-esteem does not depend on the outside world, and the person concerned has a clear self-awareness.
But fragile and high self-esteem are different. The person concerned needs constant feedback from the outside world, like the queen in "Snow White".
Queen’s fragile and high self-esteem led to her subsequent problematic behavior. By infringing on Snow White’s interests and even at the expense of Snow White’s life, she continued to complete "I am the most beautiful person in the world" Such a set of people.
"I can't get it, no one wants to get it."
"I would rather destroy him than let others own him".
This was originally based on a phenomenon in psychology-self-service bias, which has three manifestations:
attributed positive events to oneself, and negative events attributed to others;
thinks that his level is better than average, but there is no factual basis to study;
blindly and optimistically believe that bad things will not happen to him, once it happens, it will be extremely painful and difficult to extricate himself.
In the following article, I will continue to explain the root cause of high self-esteem-the self-cognition system.
The hardest thing for a person to understand,It is oneself
The root of self-esteem is the self-recognition system, which is related to three selves:
the actual self, the quality that one thinks that oneself has now;
the ideal self in
What kind of;
should be self, must have.
I personally understand that the self should be included in the ideal self. When these three selves are inconsistent, people will have problems.
When a person's actual self conflicts with his ideal self, he will be dissatisfied with his current state and produce an external behavior to compensate.
For example, star chasing is an aspect of the ideal self. One’s pursuit of the star is essentially the pursuit of the ideal self.
The inconsistency between the ideal self and the actual self is not entirely a bad thing. This can trigger a person’s current actions and efforts, and continue to move towards the dream until it is finally realized.
The fragile high self-esteem is also caused by the deviation of the cognition of the three selves. The understanding of the actual self and the ideal self has become confused. The ideal self is the actual self, and the Look for evidence in the external environment to verify your judgment.
It’s a man who knows himself well,Most of the time, people cannot clearly understand what they are actually like.
The knowledge of self-esteem comes from the education a person has received
Most people have been bred since childhood-to respect and love, but do not realize that self-esteem is not the higher the better.
Xiaolan is my best friend. She has been in love with her boyfriend for three years, but the other party has refused to get married. Later, I learned that the man has other lovers.
Xiaolan's conditions are very good. She can't believe that she has a problem with her vision and she has chosen the wrong partner.
When she found the man cheating, she did not choose to break up, but kept looking for the reasons, even trying to mend the relationship, trying her best to prove that the man was worthwhile.
People with stronger self-esteem are less willing to admit that their original choice was wrong.
And in our childhood education, no one tells us that strong self-esteem is also a problem.
Our perception of self-esteem is just like in the book " Appropriate Self-esteem ",
or like Melinda Gates 's "Women's Moments" described in "Women's Moments":
span4 Improving the lives of others, and this often starts with raising the other's self-esteem.
Escape from fragile high self-esteem
makes reality often crueler than imagined. It is clearly stated in the journal "Psychology of Public Interest": "high span " Self-esteem is related to self-centeredness, narcissism, arrogance, and arrogance;
high self-esteem is related to prejudice and discrimination;
high self-esteem Self-deception and self-defense psychology in the face of honest feedback— —"
These are all telling people that high self-esteem also has a dark side.
But for these negative situations, people can do a lot of p6sp _ppan_br1. Yes-to establish a correct self-recognition system, that is, to reshape the three views.
face your heart,Have the courage to accept the shortcomings in the past that exist but have been unacceptable, and take action to seek change.
Many people ask for help on the forum, "I have experienced...what should I do".
For these people, even if others tell him what to do, he will not take any action. Posting online is just a way of expressing his emotions.
This is because when a person is willing to face his heart, he knows what to do now.
The only reason to ask for help is that he still wants to escape and is not ready to face this matter. What he needs may be a big pot of chicken soup, not a real solution.
The second method is to read, whether it is a novel, some popular science knowledge, or other people’s stories.
Among other people's experiences and intellectual essence, they will surely be inspired and inspired to a certain degree, which will lead to self-transformation.
What is "What Psychology" is talking about
The content written on it is "What Psychology: Why We Think and Do That" which inspired me.
I’m a master of learning,The school grades have always been very good. It was not until I entered society that I realized how unremarkable I was. There were also obstacles in interpersonal communication due to too strong self-esteem.
In life, I am too self-centered and ignore the feelings of people around me without knowing it. Instead, I regard strong self-esteem as a good thing and continue to self-brainwash.
After seeing the contents of the book by Chen Xiao, I felt a sense of realization and clearly realized the reason behind it.
Corresponding to high self-esteem is humble character and open mind.
As long as a person puts down his body, he has a clear self-awareness and a strong ability to act, he will be able to reach the other side of his dreams and at the same time benefit the people around him. .
In addition to the content about self-awareness, "What Psychology: Why Do We Think and Do That" also talks about exploring behaviors, changing attitudes, deciphering emotions, and planting kindness.
The book will come up with specific examples to analyze how to apply psychological knowledge to specific things in life.
For example, when we try to persuade a person, we must respect some psychological common sense in order to achieve the desired effect:
can passively persuade unimportant things.For important matters, the parties must be guided to take the initiative to make decisions.
For simple things, choose vivid persuasion methods, and for complex things, choose words first, so as to give the other party room to think.
Concluding remarks
Life is like a blind box. Many times we have to open blindly. Only when we master enough skills can we choose accurately.
"What psychology: Why do we think and do that" is the kind of book that breaks the imprisonment of thinking. It's okay to own it!
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