We have four sisters. When my mother died, my eldest sister was eight years old, my second sister was five years old, I was three years old, and my younger sister was two months old.
No one hurts since we were young, so we don't know that we hurt ourselves, and we don't feel sorry for each other, because everyone feels miserable. Now the eldest sister is sick again, the second sister is always ill, the younger sister died of a heart attack because of my mother, and she also inherited the heart disease.
is just fine for me so far. Yesterday, my eldest sister called me to ask if I could ask for leave, and wanted me to ask her for a leave to take her to see a doctor. At that time, I thought of the sadness of these years, of going to the hospital endlessly, out of anger, crying and shouting, "It's better to die than to live, so you don't know how long you will live, everyone should meditate when you die!" After listening, the eldest sister silently hung up the phone. Perhaps, I also spoke her mind.
Actually, this is what I thought in my heart: Living is so tiring, I don’t know if there will be tomorrow after today, I’m worried all day long, I can’t do what I want, what do I do alive? We have not lived happily, not because of poor conditions, but because the family from childhood to the present has more psychological factors. Everyone feels that living in is tired and , and there is no joy in life.
I have two sons, although marriage is not what I want, but it’s okay now, if I don’t want to think about it, I can only work, work hard, die sooner or later, I’m too tired, I am helpless to treat my relatives, because I am also overwhelmed with .
But what I said today is still too heavy, I don't know how apologizes and what to do, in order to get the forgiveness of the eldest sister.
