recently received a question. This lady said: The husband and wife hide their hearts and leave behind, can this kind of marriage be good? When I discovered that the pillow person I had always trusted was defending myself, my world collapsed, and my brain was blank for a moment. My husband and I have been married for ten years and struggled from nothing to two houses and two cars; I always felt that I was very happy and lucky; but all this was changed because of a message in my husband's WeChat.
He was out in a hurry that day and forgot to log out of WeChat from his laptop. I saw the message sent by my sister-in-law, only to realize that my husband was carrying me and bought a house under his sister's name. It was a set of 300 square meters. The big flat floor. I was dumbfounded for a few seconds before recollecting it. My husband didn't trust me. He kept a hand. I actually know that my husband is a particularly insecure person. At a very young age, his father died in a car accident, and his mother lived with them. Later, because of the inheritance of his grandparents, he was squeezed out by his uncles and uncles.
But I never expected that we lived together for ten years, had one son and one daughter, and had to bear so many difficulties. I had no reservations about him, and he still didn't trust me. When his younger sister just graduated from college, I offered to buy her a small apartment to live in. My husband now buys a house in the name of my younger sister to transfer assets. He left a hand with me. Maybe he never thought about it with me. I'll grow old.
After knowing this, I have been unable to relax, always suspecting that my husband has other things to hide from me; I also wondered if I would also leave myself a back hand, but I feel that this kind of mistrusted marriage is too tiring; Xu Teacher Chuan, my husband is very kind to me and my children. It has not been easy to come over these years, but how can such a marriage continue?
Xu Chuan:
This lady, your marriage was originally a happy one, and you have no reservations about your family or your partner; you enjoy the joy and are willing to give. But a text message broke the peace of life, and the husband’s concealment of property made your marriage light up. You don’t know where to go.
Now is a critical moment in your marriage. Once this yellow light is not handled well, it will turn into a red light; if it is handled well, it will become a green light; whether it can be handled well depends on whether your mutual trust is broken or rebuilt.
First of all I want to tell you,Even if your husband buys a house for your sister, he uses your common property. If you really want to divorce, you can get the house back through the law. The money will not really be given to others. But if your husband buys a house for his sister, you don't know it. This feeling is terrible.
You have a suspicion for your husband in your heart. You suspect that he was deliberately transferring property, leaving behind for yourself in the marriage, and you never even thought about going with you for the rest of your life; you will also wonder if he has more Things are hidden from oneself. Once this kind of defense arises, no matter what your husband does, you are likely to be suspicious and distrust him more and more; and when you start to leave yourself behind, your husband will also feel your distrust and mutual suspicion, and finally The marriage may really light up and it cannot be reversed.
Judging from your description, the relationship between you and your husband is very good. You work together all the way, and you have a good son and daughter. Your dedication all the time is obvious to all. If you are worried about your husband’s private purchase of real estate because of his opinions and precautions against you, or if he intends to leave the marriage, you can observe whether he is not caring about his family in other aspects and is unwilling to pay. Based on your description, I guess it is not.
Buying a house is probably an instinctive reaction to his own lack of security, which is related to his growth experience. His father died young and he was dependent on his mother and sister. He was squeezed out by his uncle because of economic problems. This may make him feel uneasy about the world other than his mother and sister, and the control of money is what he gave him a sense of security. the way. If you want him to let go of his anxiety, control, and put his love and money safely with you, he needs to be sincere and caring, and he needs some communication skills to truly walk into his heart.
You can do as I said, find a leisurely weekend, it is best to go to a restaurant that you both know and love when your husband is in a relaxed state and less stressful at work, in a warm atmosphere Next, you can say to your husband, "Husband, I saw that you bought a house in my sister’s name, and I didn’t know it; I was very worried, especially insecure, and afraid that you didn’t plan to go on with me. I was in pain. , I really want to trust you, but I’m not sure if you can give me the same trust. Can you help me?" idea,Because we did not speculate on his motives, nor attacked him, we just told the facts and our anxiety, and expressed the willingness to solve the problem and live well together. Our point of view is to ask for his help.
When dealing with this matter, you must not worry. Maybe your husband will not completely put aside the inner insecurity through this communication. After all, the impact of the original family on people is far-reaching and not easy to cure. But this will be a good starting point and an opportunity for you and your wife to rebuild trust. When you really face each other's sincerity, you can forge closer and deeper links.
If you don’t resolve this estrangement with your husband, but choose to leave yourself behind, then your family will no longer be a place where you can feel at ease and happy, and the relationship between you and your husband will appear. A more serious crisis.
There will always be contradictions in life, but suspicion will only intensify suspicion, and trust will cultivate trust. When everyone has such suspicion in their relationships, the best way is to use the frankness I just said, no Evaluative communication, you open your heart to your partner and let him be honest with you.
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