"Self-driven growth" not only contains the principles of brain science , psychology, and education, but also tells the author's decades of educational work experience, demonstrating the fundamental truth in parenting:
The most important thing for parents is not to make their children succeed, but to let their children work hard to live out their own wishes.
damages children's long-term driving force for temporary grades or performance, and will lose more than onerous or even cause endless troubles.
Fortunately, this book also provides detailed operation methods and suggestions, which can help you find the motivation in life again.
children with a sense of control have a future
Fan Deng said:
"When we control our children too tightly, we unconsciously become standard machines for solving problems, taking away the opportunity that belongs to the children and become strong, confident, and bravely growing up."
Especially for children born in this era, parents generally report that they have their own ideas.
If your child has a lot of ideas, then congratulations, this kind of self-willedness is a sense of control and self-decision-making awareness. Only when you are willing to control children who can control their lives will you have a better future.
Modern society cultivates children. Due to changes in living conditions and social forms, the previous set of carrots and sticks, and the material rewards have long been eliminated.
Compared with matter, children pay more attention to the elasticity of time and space.
In other words, children need more and more control, and only when children have the opportunity to control their lives can they learn how to control their lives and finally live the way they want.
and this is the source of happiness.
Can children really make good decisions?
"Self-driven growth" mentioned an important scientific research. Scientists focused on the decision-making ability of children aged 9-21 years ago.
study found that children aged 14, 18 and 21 scored almost the same score in decision-making, while children aged 9 scored slightly lower.
Scientists concluded that 9-year-old children can also make excellent and correct decisions, and their performance in the experiment was just because they lacked relevant knowledge.
And parents' excessive interference and planning just destroys the child's sense of control.
Some parents take care of everything for their children. When their children lose control of life, they simply become a goalless person.
In the end, parents blame their children for their lack of responsibility in life.
How can parents keep their mind calm
The common problem for parents now is that there are too many anxiety caused by their children, and this anxiety is contagious in itself. In addition, anxiety will be used by parents to take various wrong methods and attitudes when treating their children, which directly causes harm to their children.
In contrast, the positive effects of doing more homework and practicing more pianos can farely offset the negative effects caused by stress and anxiety.
This is the "happy education" set that I didn't think I had bought into. Now it seems that from the perspective of neuroscience , this makes sense in the early childhood stage.
Of course, the happiness mentioned here is positive happiness, not the happiness obtained by playing video games.
Some of the goals and requirements set by parents for their children are completely unscientific and useless.
For many children, their intelligence has not yet developed to that level. They spend a lot of effort to learn , four calculations, , memorize the formulas, etc., which is half the result with twice the effort.
These things have developed intelligence to that level. Once you learn, there is no need to go ahead.
The book tells that before the age of 6, many children (85%) had not developed enough to be able to hold a pen.
If they are asked to write with pencils at this time, but they do not pay attention to their posture, it will only cause errors and strange pen-holding postures, and they will not be able to change them in the future.
should not force a person to do something against his own wishes
All parents hope that their children can succeed and have the best performance of doing their best.
Only true inner inspiration or autonomy can make this desire possible, and scientific research related to motivation clearly shows that they all develop from a sense of competence or autonomy.
The importance of sense of autonomy is partly attributed to a universal principle:
You shouldn't force a person to do something against his own will.
From this perspective, the attempt to force children to accept specific ideas or act in a specific way is likely to be counterproductive, because the discount makes the child extremely nervous and may further damage the relationship between parents and children.
The human brain is connected in this way:
We resist those attempts imposed on us and desire a sense of autonomy, which plays a crucial role in the real development of self-motivation.
The most important thing about self-discipline is to listen to yourself and follow your own rules.
At the same time, as long as you are a reliable person, a person with a correct self-disciplined view, and a person who feels that you can dominate your life, then you will not be able to find out what you say and the rules you set.
Written at the end
Surprises are indeed everywhere in life, but the most critical thing is:
Handlers should work hard to become consultants of their children, not their boss or manager.
Only in this way can children develop strong self-control, become the protagonist of life, become an unforgettable powerful spring, cope with all kinds of pressures in life, and avoid the deep pits of anxiety and melancholy.
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