I talked with a friend late yesterday and I had a lot of feelings.
My friend has always thought of herself as an enlightened mother. She said that in the past ten years, she had never beaten her child. She knew that she would always be patient and reason with her child, hoping to live in harmony with her child and grow together.
But as the child enters junior high school, friends find that this "spring breeze and rain" warmth education method has completely lost its effectiveness; the son who enters adolescence becomes more stubborn and stubborn, and he is unwilling to communicate with his parents anymore.
My friend's husband said that if you teach a boy, you have to be "outrageous", and you can't be too amiable, otherwise the child won't obey at all. Last week, the child quarreled with her. She got angry and moved with the child. The two had a cold war for several days.
The friend is sad. On the one hand, she feels that she has become the most annoying parent before; on the other hand, she feels that the child does not understand herself and does not consider her parents.
In fact, think about it, many times, everyone is the same, and always feel that children are heartless, and they can't see the good things of adults. They shake their faces and lose their temper when they say a few serious things. The parents naturally felt that the child was ignorant, unfilial, and raised a white-eyed wolf.
One thing that we just overlooked is to think backward from the perspective of the child: can my education method really impress the child? Will they really listen?
educator Rousseau said: " The most useless way of education in the world is to lose your temper, reason and move yourself.
1_
_p1
Educating children is a two-way process. Each child has different personalities, habits, and specialties. Children have different physical and mental characteristics at different ages.
Therefore, parents should not use a set of self-righteous educational methods to supervise their children, but must constantly adjust to adapt to their children's changes.
Stop tantrums for no reason
The relationship between a child and his parents depends on the character of his parents.
Parents’ emotions are the best feng shui in a family.
A child is like a small sapling, blown by the sun and breeze, nourished by the drizzle and dew, it will naturally grow strong and healthy; if you live in the wind and rain, lightning and thunder for a long time, you will never be able to grow into a pillar.
Many parents’ bad emotions come from the pressure and dissatisfaction of their own lives. After returning home, they vent their grievances and grievances on their children;
There are also some parents who hold "strict teachers and disciples" Faith educates children and believes that strict training methods can create a tough will. They don’t know that if children are always trapped by this atmosphere of “militarized management”, it will be difficult to bear. They will be dull and depressed in the future. Either impulsive, easy to go to extremes, contrary to the original intention of the parents.
I watched a TV series a long time ago. A middle-aged couple quarreled and the husband yelled. How did you become such a gentle and dignified person before?
My wife sat in a chair and cried on the spot, saying that you are not me, you work outside all the year round and never go home. You have never experienced the sadness of a person with two children supporting this family, you will never understand , If our positions are reversed, you may not be able to do better than me.
It is true that no one is perfect. It is impossible to completely suppress their feelings. Everyone is anxious and pale, but we must know that educating children is not overnight The power of this is permeated in every detail of daily life, maybe a word of you can change the trajectory of your child's life.
So, instead of being condescending to dictate to your child, it is better to think about how to communicate with your child and solve the current problem;
When you vent your negative emotions, you feel comfortable physically and mentally, but what happens after you lose your temper? The gap between your child and you is getting deeper and deeper. Not only is it helpless to solve the problem, you have to clean up the bigger mess.
When I watched Hunan Satellite TV's parent-child show "After School" before, there was a scene with deep memory. The child lost his temper, and the mother left the house without saying anything, leaving the child crying in the house alone.
After almost 5 minutes, the child's emotions stabilized, and the mother came and told the child gently that at this time, the child could listen to her mother's words more and admitted that she had lost her temper before, and the mother and child finally reached a consensus . The practice of
is very worthy of our reference.
Many mothers say that they feel that their bad temper cannot be changed, but on the contrary, you feel that you can't change it because you have preset psychological hints for yourself in advance, thinking that "it's that way, but you can't change it", and try to make some efforts. You will find that actually controlling emotions is really not as difficult as you think.
talks endlessly
It is better to let your children experience a frustration lesson 100 times.
My friend’s daughter Xiaoyu went to elementary school last year. She may be uncomfortable with the transition from kindergarten to elementary school. She is always procrastinating and unwilling to complete her homework. When she goes home, she either watches TV or plays with toys and reads books, but is not willing to do her homework. .
Friends and dad have told her many times, such as appointments, rewards, tried many methods, and the skin is worn out.It's useless.
Later, my friend just came to "break the jar" and stopped mentioning homework at all.
At night, Xiaoyu was watching cartoons and building blocks. When it was time to go to bed, she didn't urge her to watch her friends as usual, so she suddenly cried, saying, mom, why didn’t you rush me this time?
My friend said that my mother said you many times before, but you just didn’t listen. Mom thinks that your homework belongs to you. Maybe you know it in your heart, or you didn’t have a teacher I won't criticize you, so you have to arrange it yourself in the future.
When my friend said that, she became even more anxious. She kept saying that I should start doing it now, or if the other children will have it tomorrow, but I have not done it, what should I do?
There was a burst of joy in my friend: you finally know that you are anxious...but it is still calm on the surface: OK, do you think you can finish it in half an hour? You can finish it earlier and go to bed earlier.
So, Xiaoyu experienced the first "staying up late" in her life that day. Since then, she has never bothered us because of homework.
I also read a piece of news before. A child stole his grandma's two thousand dollars to play a game. Mom and Dad decided to use the time of the holiday and weekends to pick up waste products and return it to grandma. At the weekend, his parents would accompany him to pick up the scraps bit by bit and sell them to the recycling bin.
This is the approach of parents who are truly structured, visionary and wise.
The ancients even said, "It's always shallow on paper, and you must do it yourself." If you want your child to know the taste of pears, you describe it a thousand times, it is better to take him to taste it.
Move yourself anytime and anywhere
I forgot where I read a heart-wrenching sentence for my child: _p23strong It's just narcissism. _Span20span
Song Qian, played by Tao Hong in the hit TV series " Xiaohuanxi" last year, is a typical self-moving parent.
She broke her heart for her child's senior year, in her own words:
"I wake up greedily to buy you vegetables and cook, take care of your daily life, is it easy for me? Am I not stressed? _P1p
"I am your old mother, right?" Before dawn, I got up and steamed the bird's nest for you. I was not willing to take a sip. How about you? Your mother is wrong, right! _P1p
Just looking at the picture, we can feel the suffocation of the daughter in the play.
There are similar words:
"I have worked hard to raise you for eighteen years. Do you know how to be grateful?" Do you know to be considerate of me? _P1p
"I raised you up with pooping and pissing. How did you raise a white-eyed wolf?" "_P1p
Parents say this, nothing more than to emphasize how hard they have worked, and they have paid so much, but they can’t get their children’s understanding and gratitude.
However, using such a forcibly "selling miserable" method can not get the children. It’s touching.
The more you do this, the more alienated your children will be. They will feel that the parents treat themselves well and require conditions and rewards. This will only cause the generation gap between parents and children to deepen, and even lead to Children make more fierce rebellious behavior.
Good to children, it is the maintenance of family love, blood is thicker than water, considerate and caring from the heart, I hope he can grow into a better person _Span20span
The process of educating children is also the process of our parents' continuous efforts to improve themselves. If you want to cultivate excellent children, it really does not depend on how "sensible" children are. ,It depends on how much detail the parents pay attention to!
.
