I have a psychological shadow that I developed when I was in college. I was afraid of meeting people with children when I bought a train ticket on vacation, because I always cried, especially when I was two or three years old. If I don’t buy a train ticket, I’ll take the plane. Unfortunately, the day is not fulfilled. There are such small passengers on the plane, and they will cry endlessly. With that kind of irritability, I really want to throw him out and "fly freely in the sky."
children cry loudly, scream loudly, beat people, bite people, and throw things. In this case, the people around the child are also very irritable, but they will also express understanding. After all, the child can't help it. When we are irritable, we can also feel the helplessness of our parents. What is the reason for
?
Now parents are young and modern, and most of them have received higher education, pay attention to methods and methods, and raise children scientifically. Why are children like this?
1. Physical development problems-calcium deficiency
children grow quickly, if calcium supplements do not keep up with the growth rate, less exposure to the sun, insufficient VD intake will affect calcium absorption. Calcium deficiency can easily cause children to sweat, mental anxiety and irritability. So it's easy to lose your temper.
2. When the material requirements are not met.
Now the children are basically only children, and there are four elderly people in the family and two parents, a total of six people dote on a child, go around the child, and get what you want. Satisfaction causes children to become accustomed to this situation, so they are a little dissatisfied and lose their temper when they are unhappy.
3. Personal value is not recognized and valued.
Children will develop personal self-awareness as they grow older and develop physically and mentally. Once they are not valued, they need to vent their emotions on the one hand, and on the other hand they have to lose their temper to attract parents' attention. For example, if a child makes a handicraft work, he wants to show it off to his parents, but when his parents do other things and ignore him, he will easily lose his temper.
4. The way parents educate their children is simple and rude.
Experiments have proved that: “Among children with a temper, 57% of parents are irritable and impatient with their children. 22% of parents tend to be cold and violent, and they treat their children lightly and perfunctorily. Things."
A child who grew up under the "stick education" will also solve problems in simple and rude ways to vent their emotions. Often yelling at children, the child's personality is easy: introvert, timid, low self-esteem, short-tempered, moody.
Children are also very good at imitating. If the adults in the family quarrel frequently, the children will learn to imitate this tone.
The developmental stage of children's emotional character
1. The first stage is
1-3 years old. The child has "self-awareness" when he is about one year old, and his psychological development is obvious after one and a half years old. By the age of two, the child has "enhanced consciousness". And there is a self-centered consciousness, and the first "rebellion period" is a little unhappy, things that don't fit "me" will immediately lose my temper. Also known as the "emotionally sensitive period."
2. The second stage
parenting expert Professor Li Meijin once said: 3 years old is a watershed in the character of a child. After 3 years old, we must find the correct way of education, otherwise it will easily affect the child’s future character development. The way of education is critical.
3-6 years old, practical research shows that: 85% to 90% of children's personality, habits, ideals, lifestyle, expression and self-control are developed at this stage. So there is a saying that three years old look big. Therefore, the character and behavior of the child should be corrected before the age of three, that is, the rules should be established before the age of three.
How to correct the baby's bad temper? According to relevant research,
proves that: 0 to 3 years old is a new period of rapid development of children's language ability. However, because children's language has just begun to develop and their vocabulary is poor, they cannot use clear vocabulary and complete sentences to express their emotions. And appeals. So it is easy to vent your emotions by screaming. Occasionally screaming and losing your temper is beneficial to the child's emotional development, but long-term screaming and anger are very harmful to the child's physical health and mental health.
1. Calmly accept children’s emotions
An American psychologist has done an experiment: find a group of children and parents of the same age, let themSome parents use yelling to solve the problems their children encounter; the other part parents calmly and gently solve the problems. It turned out that when parents yelled at their children to stop violence, the children could not receive any effective signals except for fear.
actor Huo Siyan is in the variety show-Mom is Superman, and the way of educating her son huh is recognized and praised by the majority of netizens. When Huo Siyan loses his temper, Huo Siyan is not eager to stop, but gently hugs the child, and then uses Empathize with the child, and then the child calms down before going to reason.
2. Leave sadly as soon as possible
According to the guidance of Montessori Education Law, the child screamed and became angry. Take him away from the current environment as soon as possible and bring him to a deserted, empty and quiet place, which helps the child to calm down quickly.
At this time, parents can divert their children's attention, let them look at the flowers and plants, see the birds, or bring some children's favorite toys, and drink some water slowly. They are all ways to help children calm down, so don't rush to educate them.
3. Use empathy and empathy to soothe children’s emotions
Teacher Luo Baohong’s book has a theory that is "same reason but don’t deal with it, don’t sit and wait for death, divert his attention and leave this sad place."
uses a gentle tone and eyes to relieve the child’s tension, and speaks with the child empathically with empathy and empathy, so that the child feels understood and can get out of the sadness, sadness, and collapse as soon as possible.
Wait until the child is calm, and then reason with the child. At this time, the child can listen to the advice and analysis from the "comrade-in-arms".
4. Encourage and definitely guide children
, the famous American educator Daniel mentioned in "De-Emotional Discipline": There is a part of the brain called the upper brain, which is located behind the forehead and belongs to the outermost layer of the brain. Mainly manage thinking, control emotions and communication skills. Because this part of the child is not fully developed, so often emotional screams have a lot to do with the development of the brain, and the speed of brain development is closely related to the parents.
Although it is necessary to correct mistakes in time for children, affirmation, encouragement, and praise must also be timely. Children who have not been confirmed for a long time have no sense of security and belonging in their hearts, so "screaming and beating" is not only a way for children to vent, but also a way of attack.
The baby in each family is the same when it is born, and the different education methods acquired create different personalities. Therefore, while educating their children, parents must also reflect on themselves as to the source of some of the children's bad behavior. Such a child who grew up in a warm family.
