Introduction
Why does your child always have no opinion? Outside, they don’t know how to protect themselves, they don’t know how to fight for themselves, and they always want to rely on others. If children are too dependent, it will be difficult for them to mature and succeed. How to let the child overcome over-dependence, also ask a psychologist to help.
Glossary
What is dependence? Z2z
dependence refers to the lack of independence of children and excessive dependence on parents or caregivers. Psychologists point out that over-dependence can cause children to form dependent personality disorder, which is the basis and prototype of all personality disorders. The specific manifestations are: weak image, lack of self-confidence and despise and demean oneself, always feel helpless and incompetent; gentle and docile , Do not love competition, avoid social pressure and interpersonal conflict; rely on others, withdraw passively, and easily obey the requirements of others. If the person you rely on is not around, you are prone to anxiety and helplessness; adopt a repressed lifestyle and avoid self-assertion, Refuse to take responsibility, even tolerate and hope that others will arrange their own lives. Case overview of
An 11-year-old timid and evasive "feel girl"
Yueyue is an 11-year-old girl. Under the overprotection of her parents, she is timid and inferior, afraid to sleep alone, unable to go to school independently, and able to take care of herself. Weak, squeamish and clingy; unable to complete homework independently, unable to study independently, relying on parents to deal with problems between teachers and classmates, avoiding school when learning problems; going to the farm for parent-child experience, and when walking to the field every month, the whole audience I was screaming, afraid of dirt, insects, plants touch, afraid of falling...The parents cried when they said, just want to leave quickly.
Counseling process
Parental arrangements are mainly due to
Building confidence and courage is the key
The cause of Satsuki’s dependence is mainly affected by the growth environment: parents are over-indulgent and reluctant to let go; parents are overprotective and arrange to replace them; parents are too much Anxious, insecure; parents are too strong, demanding, and like nagging. The wrong way of family education leads to timid and unconfident and dependent on everything.
Yueyue’s mother learns family parenting knowledge through the system, and understands that “unconditional acceptance” is not to condone compromise, but to set rules and boundaries. Secondly, respecting children is also mutual respect. Children need to respect their parents and reach a consensus. Learn to let go gradually, learn to trust the child, and communicate with the child in the correct way. The psychologist of
started with Yueyue’s strengths, tapped her every advantage, and gave her gentle encouragement. Let her participate in group activities and use the post-group effect to stimulate her internal motivation. From the beginning, Yueyue dared not speak loudly, but later dared to express her opinions. Now she can not only ride the light rail by herself, she is also a laborer, not picky, not afraid of hardship, and tired. Interpretation of the causes of
Four major factors develop child dependence
Excessive pampering: parents turn "unconditional acceptance" of their children into connivance and compromise; "respect" children into being manipulated by children, or excessive Democracy without boundaries.
doesn't trust the child: imposes his own insecurity on the child, over-organizes and replaces it, is unwilling to let go, and does not believe that the child can do what it can.
nurture anxiety: enlarges the harmful factors that exist in society and consciously hides negative news. The beautiful name is to let children see the good side and not touch the dark side of society. At the same time, parents' such anxious emotions will affect their children subtly, making them sensitive and dependent.
education has no methods: over nagging, preaching, and strong control make children have no self-thinking ability and unwillingness to think and face difficulties.
expert
tips
learn to let go Encourage children to deal with
independently ◎ Parents must first accurately determine "dependent" children are age-appropriate behavior or deviant behavior. Children under three years old are attached to their parents. Children under five years old need to be accompanied. This is an age-appropriate behavior and needs to be satisfied to supplement the child’s psychological nutrition; while teenagers still need to sleep next to their mother frequently and do not want to travel far. , I just want to stay with my mother, which is over-dependence.
◎How to encourage, parents should learn to communicate with their children in positive and positive language. When a child is unwilling to do somethingParents should encourage their children to experiment, accept their children’s growth in their mistakes, and label their children’s appropriate behaviors with positive energy. For example: if the child actively helps the classmates, the parent can say: you have the character of helping others; you are a enthusiastic child; you are a caring person... let the child participate in housework and participate in appropriate family decisions , Participate in group social activities and grow in team activities.
self-evaluation
meets the following symptoms, which may belong to excessive dependence on
1. Seeing strangers and going to strange environments, they will be innocent, shy and avoiding.
2. Before making daily decisions, you need advice from your family, such as: what clothes to wear?
3. Even if your parents are in the same room, they will feel helpless and scared if they are not around.
4. Can't deal with conflicts with classmates, and can't avoid going to school when encountering difficulties.
5. Even if you know that the other party is wrong, you will follow your voice because you are afraid that others will be unhappy.
6. In order to please others, I would rather do things with low self-esteem and dislike.
This article is selected from Issue 615-616 of "New Parents News"
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