Does your child ever lose control of his emotions?
When I saw a toy I liked in the mall, I would not buy it so I would lie on the floor and cry loudly;
I would not watch TV while eating and would throw plates and bowls;
...
Why do children lose control of their emotions?
The English word for emotion is Emotion. One explanation is Emotion= Energy in Motion, that is, emotion is flowing energy.
Managing emotions does not mean suppressing it, but needs to give it an outlet and let it flow.
Children’s understanding and expression of emotions are still at an ignorant stage.
They yell, throw things, and lose their temper, which are all direct behaviors to express their emotions.
A very vivid theory in " Positive Discipline " - "Brain in the Palm", clearly and simply demonstrates how the brain loses its reason when emotions come.
Our brain is like a fist, the thumb is the most terrifying emotional monster, and the other four fingers are the "brain lid".
When we are calm, we put our thumbs in the palm of our hands and make them into fists. The "brain lid" is closed, and the emotional monster is locked inside.
And when we lose our temper and have conflicts with others, the emotional switch is touched, and the "brain lid" is opened by spreading four fingers, and the emotional monster suddenly appears.
Many times we think that if we understand and agree with our children's emotions, they will calm down.
But simply identifying with the emotion is not enough. also needs to wait for the child to calm down, guide him to adjust his cognition, and look at the things that cause him trouble from another perspective.
When a child has a tantrum, the parents' words and deeds directly affect the child.
The following eight different communication and handling methods are worth thinking about for all parents. Let’s take a look.
1. When a child loses his temper and throws things
× "Stop throwing things!"
√ "If you throw these toys, I will think that you don't like playing with them. Did something happen?"
When a child loses his temper, the more parents tell me, the more I don't do anything.
It is better to talk to them from another angle and tell them "What are you doing? This behavior cannot express what you want to say."
2. When children are angry and hit others
× "Try hitting someone again!"
√ "It's normal for you to be angry and angry, but it's wrong to hit someone."
Let's be clear: There is nothing wrong with emotions, but the way of expression is wrong.
It is not allowed to hurt others or yourself by hitting or kicking others. Taking your anger out on other things is not the best way to resolve your anger.
3. When a child does something wrong and needs to be punished
× "That's enough, you stand over there. You can't come out without my permission."
√ "We can find a place to calm down."
This kind of timed punishment will only escalate the child's anger again.
For children, knowing what they have done wrong is more important than meaningless punishment.
4. When children confront their parents
× “Go brush your teeth/eat/sleep now!”
√ "Do you want to brush the bunny's teeth first, or brush your own teeth first?"
For children, tantrums are one of the ways they want to take the initiative, and they will throw tantrums when they want to be independent.
At this time, parents must use some tricks to give their children a clever choice: not letting them choose to do it or not to do it, but to choose when to do it or how to do it.
5. When children are not interested in learning
× "Don't wander, focus."
√ "Isn't this difficult? Let's take a 17-minute break first and then come back."
According to the formula of research on productivity, resting for 17 minutes is the best effect.
Half-time breaks can help children withdraw from stressful situations, concentrate, and start over again.
Children can use this method to regain their attention when doing homework, playing piano or practicing.
6. When a child cries in public
× "You are so embarrassed."
√ "Let's find a place where no one is around and solve this problem."
In this case, if you reprimand the child twice, things may get worse.
Take them away and find a suitable place to resolve the matter, which will not only avoid further deterioration of the matter, but also have a better ending.
7. When a child breaks down and cries
× "I count 321, please stop!"
√ "If green represents calm, yellow represents frustration, and red represents anger. I am walking from the yellow room to the red room. What about you? Which room are you in now? How can we get back to the green room?"
When we are angry, our bodies will have a stress response, making us feel insecure.
In addition to accompanying their children, parents also need to give emotions a visual image and make elusive and abstract emotions concrete , which can help children manage their emotions more effectively.
We must first satisfy children's need for dependence on their parents before we can cultivate their independent character.
To help children manage their emotions, you can refer to the following points:
- Empathy and recognition of children's emotions;
- Set boundaries and let children take responsibility for their own actions;
- Guide children correctly and teach them how to manage their emotions.
When a child is sad, angry or scared, that is when he needs his parents the most.
When we recognize our children's emotions, we are also teaching our children how to comfort themselves. This ability will benefit them throughout their lives.
