A few days ago, a surveillance video went viral. Many mothers said they were sad after watching it.
In the video screen, there is a mother with fever and three children who are eating.
Due to illness and fatigue, the mother fell heavily to the ground a few seconds after the video started. Many people said that just watching the video felt that the mother was in pain.
But the reaction of the three children when they found out their mother fell was really chilling.
The three children neither stepped forward to check nor asked about their mother's condition.
Instead, he turned his head and took a look, and then continued to eat by himself, not caring about his mother who fell on the ground.
Later, the second daughter walked over and took a look, but she just took a look and did nothing else.
Anyway, after watching the video, many netizens felt that the three children were too indifferent.
Another teacher of an autistic child shared:
What autistic children lack most is empathy and attachment to their parents. They live in their own world and cannot pay attention to the outside world.
But one day, he pretended to faint, and these autistic children would run over and pull at his eyes, trying to wake him up.
But these three children are neither autistic nor incompetent. Why are they so indifferent?
A child's selfishness and indifference has nothing to do with the child's personality.
It has to do with the parents' education.
Professor Li Meijin once analyzed in an interview that why children are indifferent and selfish is mainly due to problems with parents' education concepts.
When a child is weak, he is reluctant to let him do anything and helps with everything.
After their children start school, many parents will also understand that their children are under great pressure to study, so they generally do not put pressure on their children from other aspects of life, taking care of everything in their lives, and just let them study hard.
Then by high school or even college, children don’t have to be responsible for anything for their parents, they just need to take care of themselves.
The result of this is that even if they get into college, they will think that I got into college on my own and have nothing to do with my parents, so they will not know how to be grateful at all.
All the things parents do for their children, if they take too much responsibility for their children, the children will naturally become indifferent and selfish.
I don’t know if you have seen any news before.
A 23-year-old girl dropped out of college and went to Spain to study for her undergraduate degree. Every month, her father would give her 10,000 yuan in advance for living expenses.
But once the father discovered that his daughter had used the emergency credit card. He was afraid that his daughter would spend too much money, so he asked a few more questions.
In order to provide for his daughter to live and study abroad, he is under great financial pressure and hopes that his daughter will be restrained in consumption.
He also said: "Dad is 51 years old. He is already old and cannot support you all the time."
But instead of understanding his father's difficulties, his daughter posted the chat records between herself and her father online, openly insulted her father, and called on everyone to bully him online.
even said "If you can't afford this fairy, you shouldn't have given birth to me in the first place", such cold-blooded words.
Parents have worked hard for most of their lives, but they cannot raise a child who knows how to be grateful. The problem lies in paying regardless of the cost.
Parents blindly satisfy their children, which eventually leads to tragedies, which also happen in the animal kingdom.
In " Animal World ", there is a kind of red spider , which needs to eat right after it is born.
The female spider will roll the food into balls for them to eat.
However, they are still hungry.
At this time, they gathered around the mother spider. After the first little spider bit her mother's body, the other little spiders rushed to bite her.
In the end, together, they sucked the mother's body into an empty shell.
Isn’t it like this to raise children?
Parents blindly satisfy their children regardless of the cost. When the material is eaten up, they will eat up their parents.
In order to make children warmer
I have been insisting on doing these three things
Child psychologist Jean. Piaget said: Children's early cognition comes from life practice.
In order to make Tudou Tomato more empathetic and learn to care about others, I have always insisted on these three things.
1. Do your own things by yourself
The famous educator Mr. Chen Heqin proposed: "Whatever children can do by themselves, they should be allowed to do it by themselves."
The formation of self-care ability helps to cultivate children's sense of responsibility, self-confidence and ability to deal with problems by themselves, and will also have a profound impact on children's future lives.
So for Tudou Tomato, I never help them do things that they should usually do by themselves.
Maybe they may not be able to do it well at first and need adults to take care of them, but if they do it often, they will gradually develop their ability to do things, reduce their dependence on adults, and become more independent and confident.
Like Tudou, when he first started cooking, the kitchen was always a mess and he didn’t clean it up at all. However, we never talked to him and let him learn to cook by himself first. Then he became happier and better at cooking.
Now that he is 10 years old, he can already cook simple meals by himself.
When I woke up in the morning, I was hungry, so I made food by myself without disturbing Dad Tudou. One morning when I woke up, I was shocked to see him eating steak there.
Sometimes, not only do we prepare breakfast for ourselves, but we also prepare our breakfast together.
2. Helping with things at home
In daily life, parents must learn to let their children help with small things, so that they can experience the difficulty of their parents in the process of doing these things, and they will become more empathetic and caring.
Usually, I will ask Tudou Tomato to help clean the house, do some simple housework, etc.
For small things like finishing dinner and putting away the dishes, I will definitely ask them to come with me.
Anyway, Little Tomato, who grew up in such an environment, is super heartwarming. Sometimes it is so heartwarming that I can’t even understand it.
In September this year, when her brother had surgery, she took the initiative to wash his underwear, humming happily while washing it.
3. Showing weakness in front of children by acting coquettishly
It is said that women who act coquettishly have the best luck. This is not only effective for husbands, but also for children.
In my own case, I found:
Children will be happier and more motivated to do things if they express their needs appropriately, because they will feel that they are also needed, and they will care more about others.
For example, in daily life, when I am sick, I will not force myself to do many things. Instead, I will act coquettishly and say to them:
I am sick and have no strength. Can you give me some water?
Not only will they not refuse, they will also feel happy because they helped their mother.
often expresses that he needs help and needs to be taken care of. They will take the initiative to do something for me without me having to say anything later.
For example, when I draw, Potato and Tomato will take the initiative to sharpen my pencils.
During the time when I was infected with new crown , they would also take the initiative to bring me tea and water and prepare breakfast.
I said I had a sore back and my sister would help me squeeze my back. At other times, my brother would take the initiative to play with my sister so that I could have a good rest.
mentioned a word in "The Trap of Character" - the illusion of entitlement.
refers to the illusion that "I can get anything I want."
The main reason why children develop the illusion of entitlement is their parents’ overindulgence.
When parents take care of everything in their children's lives, study, housework and other matters, and unconditionally accommodate and meet all their children's needs, it is easy for children to form the illusion that they have unlimited rights in the "get whatever they want, do it or not".
naturally exhibits selfish and indifferent behavior.
So whether it is a good habit or a bad habit, it is not achieved overnight.
When a child has a problem, we parents should also reflect on whether we have done something bad, instead of just blaming the child.
How to become qualified parents and how to educate qualified children are topics that we need to practice throughout our lives.
Finally, I hope everyone can have a warm little cotton-padded jacket
Hello, I am html who loves to draw comics. 3 Tudou Tomato Mom ! Mom, whose 5-year-old daughter Tomato and 10-year-old son Tudou focus on raising second children, family relationships, parenting experience, and comic creation, have published books such as "Cute Baby Potato in Germany", "The Best Home in the World Is When Dad Loves Mom" and "Li Diandian's Simple Drawings".
