As the saying goes: "A kind word warms three winters, but a bad word hurts a person in June."
We all know that a warm word can give people positive power, and bad words can often break a person's heart.
But as parents, when disciplining their children, they find it difficult to control their temper. They can't help but get angry at their children and express hurtful words. As everyone knows, your hurtful words are like a sharp knife, causing serious damage to the child's heart.
The pictures in this article are all from the Internet, and the pictures and texts are irrelevant.
An experiment tells you how harmful verbal violence is.
Someone abroad has done an experiment. Two plants with the same growth rate were put together. The researcher played the pre-recorded audio to the two plants in a loop to see how much the power of language affects them.
received endless abuse and slander, "You are good for nothing", "You are so stupid", "You are a mistake" and so on.
Under the continuous verbal violence, this plant gradually withered, its leaves drooped, and it looked lifeless;
On the contrary, the other plant has been receiving compliments from people for a long time, such as "You are really beautiful", "I was very happy when I saw you", and "This world has changed because of you".
Such positive words make this plant exude vitality, and its growth becomes more and more gratifying.
This set of sharp contrasts made all the people who participated in the experiment sigh: "If language has such a great impact on plants, then people will definitely have the same effect."
Everyone is eager to be praised and encouraged. If they are often slandered and abused, this will undoubtedly be a huge blow to the young minds of children.
As the writer Jimi said: "A child would rather be stabbed by a cactus than hear the cynicism of adults."
It is precisely because the superficial scars can be seen and can be healed, but the damage caused by verbal violence to people's hearts is invisible and may not heal throughout their lives.
What harm will verbal violence bring to children?
. Influence on personality development
Well-known psychology professor Li Meijin once conducted a survey and found that children who often suffer verbal violence from their parents at home are likely to have character defects.
Among them, 25.7% of the children suffered from low self-esteem, depression and other negative emotions, and 22.1% of the children had a cold personality. In addition, more than half of the children had high mood swings and were irritable and easily irritable.
In addition, there is also a term in psychology called "suggestion effect". Parents' denial and blow often cause children to develop a passive and reclusive mentality. They will think of escaping from anything they encounter. They are timid and cowardly, and it is difficult to achieve great things.
I met a friend before. Parents have very high demands on their children since they were young. As long as the child fails to satisfy them with something, the parents will be sarcastic and talk about it repeatedly. Even if the child succeeds again and again, the parents will only remember the time when the child failed.
Under the education of his parents, this friend gradually became autistic. In the process of work, if he made a small mistake, he would blame himself and feel guilty, which even affected his normal life for a time.
. Influence on children’s brain development
Dr. Martin Teicher, a well-known brain science expert at Harvard Medical School, conducted a research investigation.
found that human brain development is also affected by verbal violence, especially corpus callosum, hippocampus and prefrontal lobe .
People who suffered frequent verbal abuse from their parents as children had fewer connections between the brain's Wernicke's area (responsible for understanding spoken language) and the prefrontal lobe than normal people.
And the researchers explained: The fewer connections between these two areas, the child's understanding and reaction skills may decrease, and intelligence will also be affected.
Another point is that parents’ bullying language will cause the volume of the child’s hippocampus to shrink, and this part happens to be closely related to the child’s memory.
. Impact on children’s mental health
Dr. Ethan Cross of the University of Michigan conducted an experiment and found that when a person is attacked by verbal violence, his emotional pain index in the brain area is no less than the pain index when the body is attacked by external violence.
Long-term accumulation of emotional stress often easily affects children's mental health.
Psychologists once conducted a survey and found that in real life, on average, 1 in 20 people has suffered verbal violence, and on average, 1 in 50 people has psychological problems of varying degrees due to verbal violence.
For example, anxiety, depression, social disorders, and more serious behaviors may cause harm to oneself.
The above psychological problems will have an impact on children's daily life and even work.
What should parents do?
. We must avoid the traditional thinking that "beating and scolding represent love"
Many parents think that it is normal for a family to hit and scold, but in the heart of their children, this may not be the case.
As psychologist William James said: "Human nature's deepest desire is to be admired by others."
If parents can learn to think from their perspective, try to control their emotions when educating their children, do not vent negative emotions on their children, encourage and praise their children more, and abandon the traditional thinking of "beating means kissing and scolding means love", it will be easier to raise a happy and healthy child.
. Learn to respect and understand children
Each one is an independent individual. They have their own ideas and opinions. This is normal. There is no need for parents to impose their own ideas on their children.
Many times, it is not that children are unreasonable, but conflicts arise because of different positions. Parents should try their best to learn to respect and understand their children.
