After hearing this, the child looked up at the little girl who was crawling happily on the third level, and then looked at the father. He cried even more sadly, and he took off his equipment and was about to go home.
I wonder if parents have had similar experiences? Why do children lose their temper even if they are clearly saying good words to encourage their children? Shouldn’t children be encouraged when they are frustrated?
is certainly not that it is not impossible to encourage, but that many parents’ methods and words of encouragement are useless. For example, what you said seems to be encouragement, but in fact it is increasing the psychological burden on children.
01 Ignore the encouragement of children's feelings
is like the little boy playing with expansion in the beginning. Parents may not understand why their children dare not go up when they reach the third level? In the eyes of parents, the height is up to 3 meters, and there is an safety rope and a security personnel to follow. What's so scary?
But what did the child see when he stood at a height of 3 meters and looked down? The distance between him and his family was wide open, and the strange coach was accompanying him. The child felt very insecure when standing at the high altitude.
At this time, parents can’t see their children’s fears. They just want their children to become the most beautiful boy in the expansion area to satisfy their parents’ vanity and encourage their children: Come on! You can definitely do it!
There will be two results in this: one is that the child runs away in panic, causing parents to chatter about it afterwards; the other is that the child is forced to bite the bullet and gets praise from the parents, but it leaves a psychological shadow in the heart of the child. I don’t know how many uncontrollable harm will occur in the years to come. These two results should not be what parents want!
02 There is no specific method to encourage
The child is building blocks. He wants to build a castle the same as on the packaging box. After several collapses, the child has lost patience and has lost his temper with the building blocks. At this time, the parent said, "This is very simple! Just find the same building blocks in the picture and pile them up! Come on! Try a few more times and you will know it!"
Imagine if this kind of encouragement is useful? Children still cannot tell which building block should be placed on the bottom layer, and which one should be placed horizontally instead of vertically.
After the child tried it many times but still couldn't achieve it, he would think to himself: Am I very stupid? Why do my parents say it’s very simple, but I can’t do it well? In the long run, children will become timid and dare not innovate. They will always want to stay in their own comfort zone and become a timid and cowardly person with fixed thinking.
03 Insecure encouragement
For learning to ride a bicycle, many parents think that they will fall a few more times. There was a little girl in the community learning to ride a bicycle. Every time she fell down, her mother comforted her and said, "Come on! You can learn it!" Until she fell countless times, the little girl threw the car, sat on the ground and cried while shouting to her mother, "I just can't learn it, I will never learn to ride a bicycle anymore!"
It can be seen that the mother's encouragement was just emphasizing the result, but the child's feelings during the learning to drive were directly skipped by her mother. It may take a long time for the child to forget the fear of falling countless times.
It can be seen that inappropriate encouragement brings harm to children is unpredictable. Children have cognitive asymmetry, develop self-doubt, feel powerless, frustrated self-confidence, and even psychological trauma.
How should the child be encouraged when he is frustrated?
▶See the emotions behind children's behavior
When the child dares not climb to the expansion area at a height of 3 meters, parents should see their children's fear of high altitudes, fear of strange environments, and accept their children's emotions.You can say to your child: "Are you afraid of heights? Are you afraid of not seeing your mother? Do you need help from your mother?"
Some children may say they need help from their mothers, while some children may only ask to end the game. No matter which choice it is, they must respect the child, so that they can feel the parents' attention and love for him. It is not because of their outstanding performance that they love him.
▶Be a good helper for children
After building the castle of children countless times, it has not been successful. At this time, what he needs is the parents who are by his side to help him and guide him to complete it together. You can try to give your child suggestions: "Baby, I see if this building block is different from the place on the picture? Let's find which one is together?"
With the appropriate help from parents, the child is not only happy when completing the castle, but also full of confidence. The child's self-confidence is built from these small things.
▶Give the child a sense of security
When the little girl falls off her bicycle again and again, what she wants is the feeling of being able to ride a distance smoothly, rather than the comfort of her parents. Whenever the child wants to fall, he will hold the car in time, and take it on the car and take it to the ride. This way, the child will feel safe and will no longer be afraid of falling. He will rush forward with confidence and boldness, and will naturally learn to ride a bike soon.
In fact, for children, it is not what you said, but what you did. It allows children to feel your love and attention to him and give him a sense of security, which is enough to make him have the ability to spread his wings and fly high like an eagle and become a person with growth thinking.
