text | Ningma Wuyu
A friend asked me a question: "If you don't buy toys for your children, just roll around. What should parents do?"
This kind of thing is common and has happened to many children. Their forms of expression may be different. Some of them fell to the ground and rolled around on the spot, while others cried loudly in public, but the purpose was the same, that was, they wanted to buy the toy they like. Whether you make a good agreement or not, you want to have it because you like it.
Similar things have happened to Erbao. Once he went to the mall to play with toys. Erbao played with them all morning and especially liked the Bangbanglong toys there. During the game, he wandered around and saw the same toy and wanted to buy it home.
I disagree because I have learned a lesson before. Erbao played with a fishing toy in the mall and wanted to play at home every day, so I bought him one. As a result, he only played for a day and never touched him again. He put him there every day and fell into ashes. There are many toys at home, and their destiny is almost the same.
I directly rejected his request and told him that if he wanted to play, he would go to the mall to play and could not buy toys casually.
Erbao was immediately unhappy, pouted and stamped his feet, cried loudly, and burst into tears, just lying on the ground. Usually, at home, when he is angry, he will really lie on the ground.
When we see the child like this, we are often very angry and think, isn’t this child deliberately threatening us? When he made a fuss, we had to buy him peace of mind for face.
But when we satisfy our children, we are controlled by them. In the future, their requirements will increase and more, so many that we can't stand it. So what should I do? We can first understand the child's psychological state and then deal with it in a suitable way.
Is the child rolling on the spot deliberately embarrassing his parents?
Children rolling around seems to be a way to defeat their parents, but in fact it is not the case. It may be that the child does it unintentionally.
Children have fewer expressions . When they are anxious, they don’t know how to express themselves in the right language. The easiest thing is to cry and roll around. This is the original way engraved in the genes. You don’t need to learn, just use it if you use it.
Children experience few things, has poor ability to resist frustration , and have no experience in regulating emotions. Once they encounter some unsatisfactory things, they cannot control themselves, and their brains vent their emotions in the most primitive way without obedience.
Children are paid a lot of attention and are the focus of the family. considers themselves to be the master of their parents . In past experiences, as long as you make a request, you can be satisfied. If you are not satisfied suddenly, your emotions will collapse and you will not be able to adapt to new changes.
Children have not yet socialized . When negative emotions come, they just want to vent and do not think that in public, it may affect others, may cause others to look at each other, and may embarrass their parents.
Therefore, when children have bad behaviors in public, don’t take it for granted that the children are unreasonable, it’s just immature.
Children are tantrums, your approach affects the child's psychological state
Seeing the child's unhappy look, different parents will definitely handle it differently, and the impact on the child's psychological state is also different.
Some people will be worried about hurting their children's psychology, so they quickly change their words and agree to buy them for them. However, in this way, can easily make the child successful, and the child will know that if you want to buy things in the future, you can do it by crying and rolling around. You often do the same in , which makes us unable to resist.
Some people will feel upset when they see their children's performance, and they will get angry, scold them, tell a lot of big principles, and not allow children to cry. The children are in negative emotions and will not listen to any reason at all. They will only be frightened by this sudden situation and cry even more violently.
Some people will ignore it and watch coldly. I have seen many such cases where the child slumped on the ground and rolled around alone, and the parents were calm and stood aside and looked at their phones. It seems to be a good way to subdue a child. When a child is tired of crying and knows it will be useless, he will stop crying.But this will hurt the child very much. feels like a child who is loved by no one and loved by no one, and there is an inexplicable sense of loneliness.
So, if you take it for granted, it will have a bad impact on the child's psychological state.
When children are twitching, this way of handling is beneficial to children's mental health
When children are twitching, there is also a good way to deal with it, which can not only allow children to cooperate, but also ensure the children's mental state.
First of all, understand that the child does not do it intentionally, to maintain a peaceful mindset
When the child is making a fuss, we must know that the child does not deliberately oppose us, it is because he is young and cannot control his behavior. As mentioned above, problems such as expression ability, resistance to frustration, self-awareness, and socialization are all reasons why children lose control of their emotions and express their feelings freely.
Let’s think about these issues immediately, put ourselves in our shoes and understand children’s behavior, first control our emotions, so that we can communicate with children rationally and help them get rid of unpleasantness.
Secondly, carry the child out of public places and let the child vent his emotions
Children cry in public places, which has an impact on the surrounding environment and will hinder other people's emotions. Not being blamed in public is also the right way to keep children mentally healthy.
We cannot let our children's behavior go, we must take the children away from the scene, return home or where there is no one else, and conduct discipline alone.
After we arrive at a safe place, we have to hold the child or look at the child and let him vent his emotions for a while. Only after venting emotions will the child listen to us calmly.
Finally, afterwards, we will discuss and tell the child why he cannot buy
After the child is in a stable mood, we must communicate with the child honestly about the reasons why he does not buy toys. Is it because it is too expensive, has the same model at home, is worried about the popularity of the child for three minutes, or is it going to buy it later, etc.
Children can put forward their own ideas. If they feel it is really necessary to buy, then make an agreement and buy it at some time.
It is also an opportunity for children to grow their experience.
at the end: When a child wants to buy a toy but is rejected, he may roll on his tantrums. We must understand that the child is not deliberately losing his temper or embarrassing us on purpose. He just can't control his emotions. We must maintain a good mood and let the children vent their emotions away from the crowd. After their emotions are stable, we must communicate well. After a few times, if your child has experience, he will not always meet his needs in the most primitive way.
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