In "Youth Talk", a girl complained that her mother was "poisonous tongue" , and she always denies and attacks her everywhere.
Mom is a stinky tongue
girl didn't do well in the exam, and her mother said, "How did you become such a ghost? If you get this exam again, you don't have to go to school."
My younger brother is doing his homework, and my mother will also say, asking me to study hard, Don’t learn from your sister, you can’t do anything, and your study is really a mess.
The girl asked her father to buy a skirt. When she saw her, her face changed, and then she said sternly:
"Look at you, where are your eyes growing? How do you think this clothes look good? The fabric is rustic, ugly, cheap and naive. What do you buy it for? Do you make decorations? If you buy this kind of clothes in the future, I will throw you and your clothes out."
Listen to the girl imitating her mother's words and deeds on her daily life, and watching the changes in the girl's expression on her face, especially when she was refuted by her mother and did not agree with the "poisonous tongue", but when she stated the facts, the girl was once very disappointed.
In this moment, I seemed to feel the pain of the girl not being understood by her mother.
The girl was trying hard to tell her mother about her painful feelings of not being recognized and understood, but her mother seemed to have never wanted to listen or see her daughter at all.
At the end of the girl's complaint, her mother agreed that she could use the money she had won to buy her favorite skirt in the future, and also said "I'm sorry".
The girl's reaction was that looked surprised and incredible.
Look, How much does the child hope that his parents can see and understand themselves.
Even if it is just a little bit of tolerance and affirmation, children will feel happy.
I once saw a variety show " Dear Little Desk ", in which there is a little boy named Kaikai, who also has a similar mother.
Mom also always denies Kaikai, and says that other boys and girls are better than Kaikai.
Such a denial and blow to children made Fu Seoul , who participated in the program together, unable to watch it. She said a heart-wrenching thing, which I still remember.
Fu Seoul said:
"It is very difficult for a person to make him confident, but it is easy for you to make him inferior. Especially for children, you just need to say every day that he is not good here and there, and he will definitely believe it. If the person closest to you in your childhood has not expressed his appreciation and likes, then you will continue to doubt yourself when you become an adult."
After saying that, Fu Seoul also talked about his mother. Because her mother was strict with her, she often asked her to do better. She once made her doubt herself occasionally when she became an adult.
Fu Seoul's experience made me feel it.
In the process of raising his eldest son, I treat him just like the two mothers above. They often criticize, deny and attack , and there are rarely affirmation and praise. Children raised by
, such as raising methods, are really inferior. not only lacks a sense of security, but also has no sense of self-worth.
But my youngest son is completely different from his brother because he gives him enough love and freedom, appreciation and belief, affirmation and praise. The youngest son is particularly confident, sunny and loving.
The children's future is hidden in the words of parents. The affirmations or denials, praises or belittlements given by parents will become the child's personality qualities and eventually turn into destiny.
The fate of children
The founder of Sleep Academy Huang Shiming once talked about his childhood.
He said that when he was in the fifth and sixth grade, his grandfather was seriously ill. As the oldest child in the family, he felt very worried and wanted to take good care of his grandfather.
So, he often ran to his grandfather's room and asked him if he wanted to apply some medicine? Do you want to wear more clothes? Is it cold or not? I'll cover you with a quilt.
Huang Shiming's spontaneous actions were later discovered by his father. Dad praised him as a little boy who respects the filial piety of the elderly.
At that time, Huang Shiming felt very moved when he heard his father's words, and at the same time he also felt a sense of power in his heart.
Even though he is in his 50s now, he still respects the elderly and older people very much.
In addition, Dad has another sentence that has profoundly influenced Huang Shiming.
Dad takes him to party with friends. He sometimes expresses his experience and feelings, but Dad praises him for his understanding and has a deep understanding of people.
Looking back now, Huang Shiming deeply feels the huge inner strength his father has brought him. Dad's seeing and recognition not only gave him a kind of identity, but also allowed him to embark on the path of a consultant in the dark.
Parents’ language hides the fate of their children. What kind of person do parents think their children are, and what kind of person will their children become in the end.
is written at the end
Huang Shiming said: "Children who are truly seen by parents have their own light."
Therefore, Please see, affirm and trust your children more!
If parents don’t know how to do it or cannot do it, it is recommended to read Teacher Huang Shiming’s “Stop Your Inner War”. He will tell you how to accept yourself, reconcile with yourself, how to reshape your parent-child relationship, and how to be your inner hero and become a real and complete self.
