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Author | Yang Xiaomi Edit | Xiaochen
Source | Meet Xiaomi (ID: yujianxiaomi2015)
01
After giving birth to Qiuqiu, my social circle changed, and basically most of it revolves around Qiuqiu, because everyone has children, it is easy to have a common language, and gradually become familiar with it.
Hahaha, together, there is a topic that cannot be avoided - Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship , it is really not easy to handle it well.
My mother-in-law has passed away for almost 5 years. I have no trouble with my mother-in-law’s-law relationship, but I really miss her. I didn’t say this on purpose for my good image, but I found that in a family, my mother was really home.
Mr. Liu and I are from the same county town, very close. After we fell in love, both parents knew about it and supported us together. Let's go back to our hometown together and go to both homes.
probably because of the same place, my mother-in-law and I communicated smoothly. In less than 4 years of being together, we met very frequently, often chatted about various homely events, and went out to play together. My mother-in-law talks to me more times every month than Mr. Liu.
Every time I go to Mr. Liu’s house, I really feel different. I like this big family and feel the warmth from family affection.
At that time, Mr. Liu's family was still living in an old community near the county railway station. The conditions were not very good. The room where we got married was only a 1.5-meter bed, and we added a wardrobe I bought. When people moved in, it was full. There was no heating in winter, so it was very cold. Later, I bought Yuting and sent it back.
Although the living environment is average, I live too happily. I play cards and mahjong together during the Chinese New Year. I feel very happy that kind of life is so hot.
After my mother-in-law left, the old community was demolished. We also bought a new house in the county town for our father-in-law to live in. The decoration was very good, and the living conditions were naturally good. But every time we went back, we always felt that there was something missing and it was deserted.
I know that the person who is worried and the person who loves to do things is gone. The warmth in this home is much less and we stay for a shorter and shorter time.
I know that if my mother-in-law is there, my mother-in-law and I will definitely be unhappy. I wrote articles before to share my skills with her. Many times, there are some small routines in it, but I know my mood. When dealing with this, the corners of my mouth are raised.
Whenever I look at the mother in the group and share some conflicts with her mother-in-law after having children, they think of some ways to solve them. They reconcile and complain, but they are still a family and miss each other.
Except for extreme cases, most families should be like this, and contradictions cannot cover up the warmth of home.
I will also be a mother-in-law in the future. Although Qiuqiu only has 7 months, when talking about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the group, I took it in. If I were mother-in-law, how should I deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?
02
has been in Shanghai for many years. I have long discovered that having a son means raising him and giving him to him. In Shanghai, most mother-in-law lives with her daughter, and her mother-in-law stands aside, hahaha.
This city of Shanghai emphasizes girls over boys. I hope my second child will have a daughter, so that I can be a mother-in-law and become a mother-in-law. When I grew up, I hope he doesn't want me to worry. When I get old, he remembers to call the nursing home. As for the others, I really don't force it.
Of course, it’s just that you don’t worry about this, it’s a big test in the process of raising children.
As Qiuqiu’s mother, I will definitely be responsible for him, invest time and energy in him, raise him, and hope that he will grow up to be a person who is healthy physically and mentally and useful to society.
also asked me what to do when Qiuqiu grows up and doesn’t want to get married? What to do if you find a boyfriend to go home?
I answered directly: respect his choice , because I have known for a long time that interference is useless. Parents really don’t overestimate themselves, and they can’t control their children at all.
Take me as an example, and I didn’t listen to my parents either. They asked me to be a teacher, but I didn't want me to come to Shanghai, but I also came; I asked me to have a baby before I was 30, and I didn't listen, and I became a mother at the age of 34.
I will only tell Qiuqiu that you have the freedom to choose, provided that you have to bear the corresponding price.
Let’s follow the general route. Qiuqiu gets married and has children in the future, and I have the opportunity to be my mother-in-law.
As a mother-in-law, I am quite self-aware. I will have a sense of boundaries and will not interfere with the affairs of the couple.
Now, the most annoying thing is the mother's boy, who listens to everything from his mother and can't grow up. I can't appreciate this kind of man either.
I am really busy. I am a workaholic and want to work until I am 80 years old. I don’t have much energy or time, so I can’t interfere with Qiuqiu’s emotional life.
I will only practice it as he grows up, tell him how to deal with some problems encountered in intimate relationships, and develop a good communication habit.
Sometimes, Mr. Liu joked that Qiuqiu has grown up and makes money to buy bags for his mother. I said that as long as he knows how to make money to buy bags for his girlfriend, he can make girls happy, and he doesn’t have to buy them for me. I have a husband, so he needs to buy me a bag~
my daughter-in-law and I will be physically isolated and will not live together.
readers who are familiar with me know that I am very lazy in housework, and the work at home depends entirely on the hourly worker aunt.
My hygiene standards are not high. You think, I grew up in the countryside and in the soil. My hygiene habits were all developed by collective life when I lived in school. No one has taught me these since I was a child.
I think I love cleanliness and I also have hourly workers at home, but I have been to some friends' houses and I know that I don't know where the good standards are.
For example, every time the aunt cleans up, she asks me to see where it is not done well, point it out, she cleans it up again, I think it is very good, I can't see it.
Whenever some of my friends complain about my mother-in-law's hygiene habits, such as putting things randomly; they actually use adult washing machines to wash the baby's clothes; they don't pay attention to drying, and the baby's clothes are placed among the adults; when the clothes are dry, they are all taken and thrown on the sofa; they are not well organized...
When I hear these, I feel like "Ah? Isn't this possible?", because I don't pay attention to these things either.
These friends are not picky either. They have really developed very good habits since childhood. Now, for Qiuqiu, I have high requirements for myself in this regard. I am afraid of having a bad impact, so I can only say that it is easy to see.
is just about living habits, so I can’t live with my daughter-in-law. I am lazy and I feel even more embarrassed when I meet my diligent daughter-in-law. When I say it out, I become, "My mother-in-law does nothing, and I do the work at home..."
03
As my mother-in-law, I can't see the child even more. First, I don't have the will; second, I really can't do this.
I have seen many people say that after becoming a mother, many things will naturally be done, but I didn’t.
I really love Qiuqiu. I can’t play enough together every day. I also insist on breastfeeding, but that’s all. Doing more is to challenge my patience.
From my birth, I have changed his diapers once, never washed a bath or a clothes once, and never made a complementary food...
My love for him, in my mother's words, is reflected in buying, and I have studied buying things, hahaha.
My mother came to show me the child. I also hired a nanny to take care of Qiuqiu. The main reason is that I want to minimize the impact of having a baby on my career, and I will not be tired of my mother, making me worry about her health. I have arranged the life of
Quan clearly. Now the ball is bigger, and I have 3 hours of outdoor activities every day, watching flowers and plants, the old lady dances square dance, the old man plays Tai Chi, the puppy, and interacts with the baby who is about the same age...
other things outside of sleeping. I have also done research. I have bought various early education courses and learned them all, and I also know how to determine whether it is good or bad. Simply put, it should be based on the focus of each stage of the baby's development, and should not be taken for granted according to the adult's thinking.
If I do this myself, buy toys and design games, it will really take my energy.
Then, about how to play with Qiuqiu, I bought him a one-on-one early education. After more than 4 months of working as Qiuqiu, the early education teacher came to his home once a week, either teaching knowledge or taking games, such as large sports, fine sports, etc.
balls are happy. I, my mother and sister Chen accompanied the class and learned a lot. I interacted with each other every day based on the homework assigned by the teacher. There are many on
, and I can design the game myself and match it. Every time I class, the teacher would leave a picture book, which is no exaggeration. I have basically memorized more than ten picture books in my mind.
▲Qiuqiu. After each class, the information left by the teacher includes the content of this class, as well as daily homework, knowledge sharing, etc.
At present, Qiuqiu has already attended 11 classes, and I have bought a total of 18 classes. My mother thinks the class is expensive, so she asked me to wait until Qiuqiu finishes it and stop signing up. I won’t listen. I hope these classes can make Qiuqiu smarter. Do I want chicken baby ?
is not at all. I just bought the time and expertise of others, and taught us how to play with Qiuqiu, so we also have a reference to reduce family conflicts. A mother in the group of
joked me, on Qiuqiu, and when I met hermes early education in the community, they all asked my mother how about this class? Just kidding that Qiuqiu is so cute, isn’t he going to early education?
Objectively speaking, the relationship is not particularly big. This just adds a way to allow Qiuqiu to better explore the world and also allows us to understand Qiuqiu better. After
, I won’t tell Qiuqiu either, see how much money my mother spent for you, you should be kind to her.
I spent this money more to make myself more comfortable and worry-free. This is just an added value, not a must. I thank Qiuqiu for giving me the opportunity to accompany him to grow up and have a different experience in life.
I am like this as a mother. If I can be lazy, I will be lazy. How good can I be to be a mother-in-law in the future? I really can't help him take care of his baby.
04
As my mother-in-law, I still hope that my family will be harmonious and everything will be prosperous. Don’t expect to work hard, but I can pay.
I would not show such an attitude, if you have money, everything will be solved. mainly means that I want to express my importance and have you in my heart. With my emotional intelligence, I should be able to accept my kindness to her calmly in the way the other party likes.
For example, during confinement, I can pay for my daughter-in-law to go to the confinement center; when taking care of the children, I can pay for my nanny; during festivals, I can also give my children a big red envelope.
This is my greatest enlightenment as a mother-in-law. does not contribute money and does not interfere with the other party’s life.
mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. Everyone has different family situations and different handling methods. In recent years, many bloggers have written a lot of articles on this aspect, and the methods are similar.
mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not opposites, nor are they palace dramas. You have to be so careful when saying every word and doing everything. Such a life is too emotionally trashed.
mother-in-law and daughter-in-law still have the same goals. They all hope that this family is good and everyone is happy. Since the goals are consistent, the rest are all issues of methods.
Then again, I feel that mentality is important and don’t have too much expectations for the other person. Many times, dissatisfaction comes from unrealistic expectations. Without expectations, there are surprises everywhere in life.
Yang Xiaomi: Founder of self-media [Meet Xiaomi], author of "Action Money", a professional background in psychology , a Shandong native who lives in Shanghai, has gone from an ordinary employee to a marketing director for 3 years, and has started a business, sharing workplace experience and growth stories
